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Original poster

How did you confront OW when you found out?

214 replies

BabaJel · 08/06/2023 18:51

I've just told friend of 12 years who is shagging partner of 23 years exactly what I thought of her in a text - there were lots of expletives and I called her an ugly cunt, sent her details of the brothel he'd visited and called her a cunt again. I know the relationship is over and I'm not proud of my text but my goodness it felt good!

Once I saw she'd read message, I blocked her (he's been blocked for a long time). I don't intend to contact either one of them again and it feels like this sorry saga has concluded.
I would love to hear how others 'dealt' with the OW. I'm sure there have been much more creative ways.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 08/06/2023 20:09

I messaged her and called her a home wrecker. We engaged in some chat in which she tried to make me feel sorry for her. She told me she had a tough upbringing and her parents had recently separated due to her dad cheating. She kept telling me she knew it was wrong but she wasn’t in a good place and liked the attention. I had no sympathy for her. Didn’t swear at her but pointed out the hurt her family had been feeling is awful and how she happily created that same pain for another family. I then told her partner who thankfully dumped her via text and left all her belongings out in the street.

Justtobeclear · 08/06/2023 20:10

Sent her a message to say she’s welcome to him and posted on FB to thank everyone that knew about it for being such “great friends”. Gave it 24 hrs then deleted social media. I was sick of rumours and 2nd hand gossip so put everyone straight once and for all and then essentially started again in a new town and made new friends. No regrets!

Maybe83 · 08/06/2023 20:20

@BonnieGlasses posters like you always make me laugh.

The OW was her friend. She betrayed her friendship with the OP and the OP was well within her rights to tell exactly what she thought of her betraying her friendship.

Dignity has absolutely nothing to do with it.

vipersnest1 · 08/06/2023 20:28

In hindsight, I wish I'd punched the first OW (that I knew about, who happened to be living under my roof), but slapped her instead.
It was a long time ago, XH is now with the second OW that I knew of (good luck to them, they deserve each other, and are currently enjoying a loooong engagement - hmm, commitment issues anyone?)
I'm not prepared to go into details, but I also made damn sure that a project that then 'D'H 'was helping with' (first OW) never got off the ground.
I don't regret any if it (except the not punching).

Quveas · 08/06/2023 20:30

I didn't. She was welcome to him.

Him, on the other hand...I was the wage earner for years. Paid for everything. Luckily the house was mine. But everything that was his - most of which was paid for by me - in the fire pit. Petrol. Match.

Funny thing is he got trapped by the OW - divorced, 3 kids, pregnant by him.. she had never realised it was me that had the money and the assets. Aww, shame. And he never wanted kids. She was almost twice as smart as him in trapping him for his money. Shame she didn't raise so had it.

justsaxy · 08/06/2023 20:30

BonnieGlasses · 08/06/2023 18:54

Well you sound delightful. A bit more dignity would have been better.

Oh bore off.

FuckNuggets · 08/06/2023 20:31

BonnieGlasses · 08/06/2023 18:54

Well you sound delightful. A bit more dignity would have been better.

And you sound like you have no empathy! Her friend was shagging her husband! I'd say she was pretty tame.

quietheart · 08/06/2023 20:36

My DSIL approached them both in the local pub and told the OW “I’ve already had the best of him so you’re welcome to my sloppy seconds.” 🫢

Nellynoo182 · 08/06/2023 20:42

Not me but a girl I used to know from school found our her fiancé was cheating on her with her best friend. She uploaded a picture of her wedding dress, tagged them both in it and said something along the lines of ‘as you’ve helped yourself to my fiancé do you want my wedding dress as well’. It was a legendary FB post and the talk of the town for sure!

Nodinnernogift · 08/06/2023 20:43

Good for you OP, I'm glad you feel better. I don't get all these demands for 'dignity'. How about demands for whatever the hell you feel like.

I handled mine very badly but I didn't have all the information to hand. I feel bad about it now.

I wrote an enraged text sneering at her with a load of info he had shared with me about how it all started; he was confessing and trying to win me back which I obviously told her.

What I didn't know was that he had told her we had broken up six months before so her flirty moves on him that I ridiculed so nastily was her doing nothing wrong.

I did know she had a crush on him when we were together (I could just tell) so when he led her to believe he was single she didn't waste time. He started sleeping with her. I broke up with him for other reasons. He kept trying to get back with me and truth be told nearly had me convinced and then I found out what he'd been up to before we broke up so I saw red.

The poor woman was heartbroken and furious all at once.

Ketzele · 08/06/2023 20:52

I was the OW. She found us in bed. They both went into my kitchen and had a blazer, while I cowered under the sheets praying, "God, if you get me out of this I will never sleep with someone's partner again"

She came back in and I was terrified - she was an army girl and a toughie - and she just said, " No hard feelings, Ketz" and left!

It was so much more than I deserved. 40 years on and I have kept that promise to never, ever fuck around.

WellPlaced · 08/06/2023 20:57

I always approach her with a smile and a friendly manner, then taunt her with comments like ‘how that lie you’re living with?’ Or ‘I’m just biding my time’

Her DH doesn’t know so she must live her life never knowing when her world will erupt (like mine did).

sanityisamyth · 08/06/2023 21:01

ToBeOrNotToBee · 08/06/2023 19:03

I didn't.

Couldn't be bothered to spend anymore time on the waste of spaces.

This. I just kicked him out. Much simpler and more satisfying.

Emmamoo89 · 08/06/2023 21:02

Good for you!! I would do the same if I was in that position x

soddingspiderseason · 08/06/2023 21:03

I bought a spade and sprayed it gold, bought those stick on letters, put her name along the handle and "gold digger" on the flat part of the spade. Crafted a presentation box out of an old hoover box and covered that in vibrant gold wrapping paper and gold tinsel, taking care to spray the inside copiously with the perfume "Poison" (which is unmistakable), and then had it hand delivered by courier to her at work. Apparently she cried. Hey ho.

ejbaxa · 08/06/2023 21:05

Good for you OP. I hope you feel a bit better after doing it. Your "friend" more than deserved it.

wildeststorm · 08/06/2023 21:07

I've just remembered that I also confronted the OW who slept with my sisters husband.

She worked with him, came to family bbqs, bought my niece and nephew presents while they were shagging. When they divorced, she did lots of messaging my sister checking she was "ok".

All until I decided to message her to tell her he had admitted their affair and I would appreciate it if she could take her fake sympathy and shove it up her arse and leave my sister alone to pick up the pieces of her and her children's lives. She didn't message me back. But she left my sister alone.

I'm of the belief that OW deserves blame too. Especially if they are someone who inserts themselves into your life.

TimesRwo · 08/06/2023 21:09

Hate this concept that the wronged party has to take the moral high ground. In other words, let them get away with what they’ve done.

Grumpigal · 08/06/2023 21:10

Think I sent a message and she ended up ringing me.

I didn’t call her any names but I did say some very cutting things which definitely would have hit a raw nerve. She was a junior in a very prestigious company and by shagging my DH (her senior) had pretty much given herself the kind of reputation you absolutely would not want, completely and utterly fucked her career. I told her so much, which she would have known deep down but would have been in denial.

I also told her that all of her senior management knew so she would likely be facing dismissal (they didn’t, but it felt good to make her shit herself with worry for a few days).

I actually did stay quite dignified, they only lasted 4/6 weeks after our marriage ended and she tried to add me on Facebook and bond over stories of what a shit exDH was.

I blocked. I hope she’s a better person now.

Grumpigal · 08/06/2023 21:12

soddingspiderseason · 08/06/2023 21:03

I bought a spade and sprayed it gold, bought those stick on letters, put her name along the handle and "gold digger" on the flat part of the spade. Crafted a presentation box out of an old hoover box and covered that in vibrant gold wrapping paper and gold tinsel, taking care to spray the inside copiously with the perfume "Poison" (which is unmistakable), and then had it hand delivered by courier to her at work. Apparently she cried. Hey ho.

Omg this is brilliant. Imagine being in an office and your colleague unwraps that.

good for you

that is comedy gold (pardon the pun)

StrandedStarfish · 08/06/2023 21:13

soddingspiderseason · 08/06/2023 21:03

I bought a spade and sprayed it gold, bought those stick on letters, put her name along the handle and "gold digger" on the flat part of the spade. Crafted a presentation box out of an old hoover box and covered that in vibrant gold wrapping paper and gold tinsel, taking care to spray the inside copiously with the perfume "Poison" (which is unmistakable), and then had it hand delivered by courier to her at work. Apparently she cried. Hey ho.

Soddingspiderseason. You just won the internet. That’s brilliant

BrummiMummi · 08/06/2023 21:19

BonnieGlasses · 08/06/2023 18:54

Well you sound delightful. A bit more dignity would have been better.

I actually can’t believe you said this 🤷🏻‍♀️ This is her “friend” and her OH all bets and niceties are off the table!!!

Stressfordays · 08/06/2023 21:21

I punched her. Not my proudest moment but still.

My revenge against him was much better, slept with his best mate who gave me all the juicy details on every single lie he told me and tried to gaslight me with. Then told him the next morning.

Valour · 08/06/2023 21:24

I said nothing to my best mate when I discovered that not only was she shagging DP, but that she had been shagging him for years before I met him, when he was with his ex wife. He was the one in the relationship with me, after all, and he was the one who made promises to me. But I also think that silence enrages them- Affairs feed on drama, and I was damned if I was going to prolong their drama and create a scene.

I feel kind of sorry for her now. She must be very unhappy in her marriage to have had an affair- and it's not just the one affair, either. I wonder sometimes whether she misses me.

Original poster
BabaJel · 08/06/2023 21:25

Thanks for all the supportive comments. I understand everyone deals with conflict in their own way and for me, this was the best way. I’m not proud.

Though I do feel immensely better.

OP posts: