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Original poster

Major catch?

196 replies

SweetCheeks66 · 05/06/2023 23:05

I’m totally smitten with my male friend.

I’m single and the other day he referred to me as “A major catch”.

How would you interpret that? I’m hearing it as you’re a major catch for some other man but I’m not interested. Could it be that, by saying that, someone would be actually interested themselves?

Thanks

OP posts:
Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 23:44

What type of conversation were you having when he said this? Needs a little more context to form an opinion if he meant a catch for himself or someone else.
How long have you been friends for? Has there been flirting (or more) between the two of you before this comment or was it totally random?

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 07:55

There has been flirting. We have been friends for 2 years. The context was we were chatting about dating in general.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 06/06/2023 08:12

I'd rajhe it as a compliment. He thinks you'd make a great partner

Aprilx · 06/06/2023 08:36

I don’t think he would have said that if he was interested himself. I think he was complimenting you, in that he thinks you would be a nice catch for somebody else

TomPinch · 06/06/2023 09:52

Isn't this beside the point?

Is he single? If so, why not tell him how you feel? You only live once.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/06/2023 09:53

It’s just a straight up compliment.

Tell him he’s a major catch himself!

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:36

SallyWD · 06/06/2023 08:12

I'd rajhe it as a compliment. He thinks you'd make a great partner

But for him or for someone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:37

Aprilx · 06/06/2023 08:36

I don’t think he would have said that if he was interested himself. I think he was complimenting you, in that he thinks you would be a nice catch for somebody else

Yes this is my fear.

OP posts:
TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:40

Is he single too?

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:48

He’s sort of single, sort of not single.

He’s entangled with a woman who he has developed an emotional dependence on. She fancies him and he doesn’t fancy her. They’re friends and she keeps breaking off the friendship because she wants more and he doesn’t. They see each other once a week. So she is kind of like his girlfriend except he doesn’t fancy her and they don’t have sex. She is going away in September so they won’t be seeing each other after that.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:49

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/06/2023 09:53

It’s just a straight up compliment.

Tell him he’s a major catch himself!

I think he’s a major catch too 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:51

Part of the reason why he is finding it difficult to let her go fully is that she opened up a world to him that he values through her work. Plus he really likes her friends and her flatmates. If he goes no contact with her, all of those doors close too. So he is torn.

OP posts:
TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:52

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:48

He’s sort of single, sort of not single.

He’s entangled with a woman who he has developed an emotional dependence on. She fancies him and he doesn’t fancy her. They’re friends and she keeps breaking off the friendship because she wants more and he doesn’t. They see each other once a week. So she is kind of like his girlfriend except he doesn’t fancy her and they don’t have sex. She is going away in September so they won’t be seeing each other after that.

I'd have my doubts about that narrative.

Do you know her well enough to corroborate all that?

Anyway if it's true - he is single, because he has a friend he sees once a week.

That should be zero issue re seeing someone else, esp after September. If he's interested, he'll escalate.

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:55

she opened up a world to him that he values through her work

He can't possibly navigate his own way in that "world" independently?

He sounds a bit user-y tbh.

Like he's stringing her along a bit for the benefits you've mentioned.

Why can't he make his own friends, if hers will truly cut him off if he tells her she's a friend, end of story. Or why can't he build friendships with them on his own after she moves away?

Sounds BS- y

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:56

If he goes no contact with her

Why would he need to go NC?

He tells her straight she's a valued friend.

And that they're both entirely free to date.

He dates.

If she cuts him off completely, so be it.

He's stringing her along by not doing that.

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:58

His situation doesn't make sense .... It's because he's not straight and he's "messy".

He could be straight and clear and assertive (and fair) but doesn't want to lose the benefits she, as a contact, brings him. Doesn't reflect well on him.

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:59

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:52

I'd have my doubts about that narrative.

Do you know her well enough to corroborate all that?

Anyway if it's true - he is single, because he has a friend he sees once a week.

That should be zero issue re seeing someone else, esp after September. If he's interested, he'll escalate.

Show quote history

Yes, I know it’s all true. A case of truth being stranger than fiction!

He sees her as a friend. She sees him as a boyfriend who she doesn’t kiss or have sex with. That’s why she keeps breaking up with him and she refuses to be friends but then they miss their friendship!

Yes from September he should be more free.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:02

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:55

she opened up a world to him that he values through her work

He can't possibly navigate his own way in that "world" independently?

He sounds a bit user-y tbh.

Like he's stringing her along a bit for the benefits you've mentioned.

Why can't he make his own friends, if hers will truly cut him off if he tells her she's a friend, end of story. Or why can't he build friendships with them on his own after she moves away?

Sounds BS- y

I will change details but let’s say she’s a famous writer and by knowing her he gets to associate with lots of other talented and interesting writers. He’s talented himself but isn’t a published author (this isn’t the area but you get my gist). Imagine he just adores the literary world.

He has other friends.

Yes he could maintain contact with her friends and flatmates but not really if he ‘breaks up’ with her and they are no contact.

OP posts:
TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:03

She sees him as a boyfriend who she doesn’t kiss or have sex with. That’s why she keeps breaking up with him and she refuses to be friends but then they miss their friendship!

He's not being fair to her by getting back in touch and seeing her again when he knows how she sees things.

He's messy.

He's not sticking to NC when she initiates it because she benefits him. Also means he's not truly free to see others. (And she's not free to move on, and see others). He knows how she sees him.

Also I still reserve doubts about the total non sex situation.

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:04

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:56

If he goes no contact with her

Why would he need to go NC?

He tells her straight she's a valued friend.

And that they're both entirely free to date.

He dates.

If she cuts him off completely, so be it.

He's stringing her along by not doing that.

She is in love with him and has masses of physical/sexual desire for him. I think relabelling it as a true friendship and not a boyfriend who she doesn’t kiss etc is too painful for her so she would want to be NC.

He thinks she will cut him off completely if he presses it and he’s very attached to her as a friend.

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 06/06/2023 11:04

So basically he's using her for her contacts and is keeping her in his life hanging on because it's handy to him? Charmer.

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:05

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 10:58

His situation doesn't make sense .... It's because he's not straight and he's "messy".

He could be straight and clear and assertive (and fair) but doesn't want to lose the benefits she, as a contact, brings him. Doesn't reflect well on him.

I know and I agree. He has been weak and messy. He acknowledges that.

OP posts:
gardenweed · 06/06/2023 11:06

MiniCooperLover · 06/06/2023 11:04

So basically he's using her for her contacts and is keeping her in his life hanging on because it's handy to him? Charmer.

My thoughts exactly.

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:06

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:03

She sees him as a boyfriend who she doesn’t kiss or have sex with. That’s why she keeps breaking up with him and she refuses to be friends but then they miss their friendship!

He's not being fair to her by getting back in touch and seeing her again when he knows how she sees things.

He's messy.

He's not sticking to NC when she initiates it because she benefits him. Also means he's not truly free to see others. (And she's not free to move on, and see others). He knows how she sees him.

Also I still reserve doubts about the total non sex situation.

The last time they went NC she broke it after a week. He is happy to be in contact as friends but for her it is their odd relationship or nothing.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 06/06/2023 11:06

I would be very wary of him.

He's very much about suiting himself.

Not relationship material.

Move on.