Major catch?

[SweetCheeks66]

I’m totally smitten with my male friend.

I’m single and the other day he referred to me as “A major catch”.

How would you interpret that? I’m hearing it as you’re a major catch for some other man but I’m not interested. Could it be that, by saying that, someone would be actually interested themselves?

Thanks

He’s very rational, logical, sharp witted, clever, funny. He’s not creative but he values creativity in others

You have him on a pedestal. I can only assume he’s wealthy.

He’s rational ie manipulative.
Logical ie self interested
Sharp witted ie betrays confidence
Clever ie a high achiever and cunning
Values creativity in others ie sees what others can do for him.

He’s comfortably off but financially I’m in a better position than him.

He sounds like a bit of a tool OP, and if you spend your summer dangling on his line until she's out of the way and he's "free to be with you" (which he is right now) I feel you'll be sadly disappointed.

His reasoning for not being able to be with you is because he's stringing her along because he enjoys the doors she opens for him, he sounds like a disingenuous pain in the arse. He will mess you about like he's messing her about for as long as you let him and then disappear with someone else entirely.

He's not a catch, if he thought you were one he'd do something about it. Find another summer crush.

Responds back as he's lonely? Right, well that's telling you that he doesn't think you'd ever be able to fill the gap and replace her, otherwise it would of been prime opportunity to reach put to you, but he didn't.

Also I asked about his friends and you said he has some - do why doesn't he communicate with them (or you) when he's lonely .... instead of getting back involved with a woman he knows is in love with him and who keeps going NC cause his lack of reciprocity is clearly upsetting her.

No-one goes NC with someone if they're not feeling something string or unbearable.

The decent thing would be to just stop and let her detach and move on.
But he keeps in contact because she gives him the sort of attention that only someone who's in love with you gives him .... And gives him access to high status creative people whom he admires and wants to be around.

But anyway ... He had plenty of other people by the sounds of it to have contact with if he's lonely - including your good self - yet he responds to her contact and sees her every week. Doesn't make much sense.

Also if he'll lost context with the artist types he admires if he stops seeing her; surely he will in September too. So what difference does that make? Or is he hoping to establish his own connections with them before September?

*lose contact with

Do you think all the posters who have replied to you have got it wrong? That they don’t understand how utterly charming he can be? That none of them have been in similar situations?

I don’t mean to minimise your feelings by the way. A flirty, emotional, confiding weekly call is bound to get under your skin if you haven’t any other reciprocated male attention.

He just sounds less like a nice human who would be a brilliant boyfriend, and more like a narcissist vampire who leaches from others what they want from them.

You have said yourself that there's no reason you can't be together if he wanted. People do actually dump their girlfriends. He's got as much intention of making a go of things with you as married men do of leaving their wife for the mistress "when the kids leave home". He's got everything where he wants it, and that's why he's not going to change it.

Not the thread I expected.

On the actual question the OP asked - you're overthinking it. He's attracted to you but he has this odd, complicated other thing going on, so isn't in a position to act on it. I wouldn't be surprised if he makes a move once his friend moves away.

As for his situation... I'm in an industry where connections and "ways in" are also paramount, and I've seen this sort of dynamic so many times. Been part of it on both sides myself. It's not healthy, objectively, but it's so widespread. However the point of having a contact who gets you entry to the in crowd isn't to ride on their coattails forever - now he's in with the literary circle (or whatever it is) he should be making friends with them himself! To the point where he's not reliant on her! (I know that if she's especially successful or charismatic, this may still be a problem. I realise to anyone who isn't in creative circles all of this must look very messed-up.)

He sounds like a bastard, OP. You’ve wasted 2 years on him - don’t waste any more.

Nope not buying it.

he hasn’t made a move on either of you?

is he Gay?

This is such a bizarre reach.

As a general rule, men don’t usually hang around women they’re not interested in.

He’s made multiple moves on me. I know that he fancies me sexually/physically. My original question was more about whether he’s interested in me as more than a sexual thing.

He says he doesn’t fancy her but they met before he and I did so their odd friendship/relationship has been going on for longer.

Thank you.

He doesn’t have an intention of moving into her industry himself but he admires it very much.

I just can’t grasp the idea of a man essentially putting his entire sex life on hold to enable him to hobnob with a load musicians/artists/filmmakers/writers.

unless he’s obsessed with fame/status?

Ah hang on so he’s tried it on with you during this thing with his girlfriend? Or during the breaks?

He sounds like a Prince among men 🙄

My analysis is that he is cheeky and he likes attention. He likes keeping this other woman interested, he likes keeping you interested. He does not sound very serious!

The access to her industry, friends and flatmates is not the main draw. The main draw is that he’s emotionally dependent on her.

He is bedazzled by this industry though. If he could have his life all over again I think he would do that instead.

He has kissed me during the breaks.

Very messed up but very true (seen this a lot in the art scene).

So he made a move and what happened? you rejected him? Or it would have gone somewhere…

what’s he supposed to do now?

he can’t move again if you’ve batted him off. That would be harassment.

I simply don’t believe what he’s telling you. He’s emotionally dependent on another woman. But he’d like another woman too. Why stop with one other wiman? Why not have three or four? And OP that’s what you are - the other woman.
Find a man who you will be enough for on your own.
PS If he’s besotted with this industry, and if you’re not part of it, why on earth do you think he won’t find another woman in the industry he can’t keep away from?

You might be a major catch, but I’m no so sure he is 😬With the right guy who has his life sorted things would be so much simpler.