Major catch?

[SweetCheeks66]

I’m totally smitten with my male friend.

I’m single and the other day he referred to me as “A major catch”.

How would you interpret that? I’m hearing it as you’re a major catch for some other man but I’m not interested. Could it be that, by saying that, someone would be actually interested themselves?

Thanks

Do you think that will make him appreciate what he’s losing?

Yes he told me a while back that her flatmates hate him because he upsets her so much but then he says he can’t be apart from her because he would miss her very nice flatmates. I think he has forgotten that they hate him.

Do you not type things like this, read them back and think fuck me, why on earth am I hankering after such a pathetic bloke?

Sorry, I mean she would say he’s her boyfriend but when I call her his girlfriend to his face he gets really annoyed and says she’s not his girlfriend.

But if they “got back together” after you kissed then they are a couple!!!

Yeah. I suppose so. I see that he is weak and can have his pathetic moments.

To be honest, the fact that he’s stuck in a relationship that he doesn’t want to be in but can’t seem to get out of without her leaving the country makes him look very weak. And that is putting me off a bit.

Yes I know. I agree that they are a couple. He is the one denying it.

He didn’t used the phrase, got back together. That is me saying that. The way he explained it was that they were NC and she broke it and they started messaging again. That’s all he said but I know what that means. It means they are together.

Do you think that will make him appreciate what he’s losing?

Let's think about what you would gain if you got together.

You have outright told us he is:

Weak
Cowardly
Selfish
Disloyal (he discusses her behind her back to you, telling you she'll be out of the picture soon and then you'll get to date him)
A user
A pest (has made 'multiple moves' on you physically despite you apparently making it clear you aren't interested in this as he is involved with this woman)

And from this:

I have been privy to some of their communication and it confirms the no sex thing.

I assume he's shown you their private messages too, but you say he hasn't and that He has told me about their conversations and what they have both said. If true then he's at best indiscreet and cruel.

He is in a relationship (by his own description) with someone and spending time telling you about their sexual dynamic (or lack of, same difference), that he can't wait to be shot of her, that he's got you lined up at the ready for as soon as she's out of the picture and he's sharing their private conversations with you, the person he's essentially having an emotional affair with.

Mate, he's a cunt really isn't he...

Sorry, I mean she would say he’s her boyfriend but when I call her his girlfriend to his face he gets really annoyed and says she’s not his girlfriend.

Well I'm sure if you called him an arsehole to his face he'd get annoyed and say that wasn't true too.

But it is.

I’m feeling a lot of love and support from you all. Genuinely. Thank you.

Yes I know. I agree that they are a couple.

So you're in discussions with a man who is in a couple with someone besotted with him.

A man who is treating that person besotted with him appallingly without her knowledge behind her back, by literally telling at least one woman he wants to shag that as soon as he can get out of the relationship (in a way that requires no 'bad guy' accountability for him and is circumstantial) he won't 'have to' be involved with her any more and can finally date and shag you? And you like him.

It doesn't reflect terribly well on you either tbh.

But he was completely different and didn’t kiss you again. So he knows there is a difference between the two states. If he genuinely thought they were just friends, he would kiss you when they were in contact.

Do you think she would be gutted to learn how much you know about their relationship?

Not in the least, but it might open your eyes to some different, better men.

This makes no sense to me, so they are in an on/off relationship where there's no sex or kissing for 2-3 years?
Has there ever been any intimacy between them?

Have you ever actually met this girlfriend of his and heard her confirm his side of the story because it seems very much like he is making it all up.

Because to me it sounds like he'd like you to be the other woman and keep his weird relationship going.

This.

It doesn't reflect well on you OP that you're indulging him basically shit talking this poor woman who is good enough for him to use for what he needs but not good enough for him to respect enough to end the relationship for good.

He's a right arsehole.

@monsteramunch 😂😂😂😂

I haven’t seen him in person since he told me they were back in their “situation”.

I told him that I’m only interested in seeing him if he’s single. He has given me the impression that they’re over a few times, asked me out and then when I have pressed, it turns out she’s still on the scene.

The more I look at your earlier post the more I'm actually a bit judgemental of how you've tried to spin this upfront when you later admitted that they are in a relationship.

You're doing mental gymnastics to present this as something different to the reality of the situation, which is that an arsehole with a girlfriend in love with him hasn't got the bollocks to break up with her and doesn't want to miss out on using her connections to access a lifestyle he enjoys, so has told you that you need to wait your turn to date him.

He’s sort of single, sort of not single.

False, he has in fact told you he is in a relationship with her.

He’s entangled with a woman who he has developed an emotional dependence on. She fancies him and he doesn’t fancy her.

But he's told you he's in a relationship with her, even if they don't kiss / shag.

They’re friends and she keeps breaking off the friendship because she wants more and he doesn’t.

They aren't friends. They're in a relationship. He has confirmed this.

They see each other once a week.

Because they're in a relationship. He has confirmed this.

So she is kind of like his girlfriend except he doesn’t fancy her and they don’t have sex.

She isn't 'kind of like his girlfriend'. She is his girlfriend. He has confirmed they are in a relationship.

How old are you all, out of interest? I haven't heard a 'we're seeing each other but she's not my girlfriend' since I was a teenager.

When did you last see him face to face?

You’re completely right in everything you say. He is the one who says it’s a “situation” and that she’s not his “girlfriend”. I also believed that it wasn’t what I would call a normal boyfriend and girlfriend relationship because they don’t kiss or have sex. To me that is more like a companionship (because they’re not married, no kids, no ties, etc). They meet up, go on outings, don’t have physical intimacy. I wasn’t meaning to be disrespectful of their relationship. I won’t see him until he’s properly single. I have never done anything with him or flirted with him when he’s been in his “situation” with her.

2 months ago

Writing it all down and explaining it here, I do see how the whole thing sounds ridiculous.

And when did he say the major catch thing, by text recently?

I have never done anything with him or flirted with him when he’s been in his “situation” with her.

Sorry OP but you've had ongoing discussions with him over time about how when he breaks up with her at a specific date he's told you of (september) then you would be able to date.

That's arguable even worse than flirting, it's sort of plotting!

I think you need to really think about how you've indulged him playing the martyr in a situation entirely of his own doing, entirely to his own benefit. And how you've actually enabled him to treat someone madly in love with him like shit.

You know he's capable of doing that to someone he's in a relationship with. Her friends call him cruel. You call him selfish and weak.

Are you all super young or something?