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Original poster

Major catch?

196 replies

SweetCheeks66 · 05/06/2023 23:05

I’m totally smitten with my male friend.

I’m single and the other day he referred to me as “A major catch”.

How would you interpret that? I’m hearing it as you’re a major catch for some other man but I’m not interested. Could it be that, by saying that, someone would be actually interested themselves?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 17:43

Palmasailor · 06/06/2023 17:20

So he made a move and what happened? you rejected him? Or it would have gone somewhere…

what’s he supposed to do now?

he can’t move again if you’ve batted him off. That would be harassment.

Show quote history

We kissed. It was great. He wanted me to come back to his flat. I refused. The next time I saw him he was completely different and he later admitted that was because he had got back together with her. Nothing has happened since, just a continuation of our friendship.

He knows that I don’t want just a sex thing. He knows that I want a proper relationship.

I told him that if he has a girlfriend then I can’t see him. That’s when he said all the stuff about it being over by September when she leaves and that he’s found it hard to disentangle himself because of the emotional connection, friends, flatmates, etc.

He said he doesn’t want to be in a sexless relationship and that’s also why it will end when she goes.

He said that she has ended it before and they have gone NC but she has broken the NC. He has been lonely during NC so it picked up again.

She is hurt and confused because he won’t be physical with her.

OP posts:
Palmasailor · 06/06/2023 17:48

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 17:43

We kissed. It was great. He wanted me to come back to his flat. I refused. The next time I saw him he was completely different and he later admitted that was because he had got back together with her. Nothing has happened since, just a continuation of our friendship.

He knows that I don’t want just a sex thing. He knows that I want a proper relationship.

I told him that if he has a girlfriend then I can’t see him. That’s when he said all the stuff about it being over by September when she leaves and that he’s found it hard to disentangle himself because of the emotional connection, friends, flatmates, etc.

He said he doesn’t want to be in a sexless relationship and that’s also why it will end when she goes.

He said that she has ended it before and they have gone NC but she has broken the NC. He has been lonely during NC so it picked up again.

She is hurt and confused because he won’t be physical with her.

Show quote history

I don’t think he has a clue what he wants.

if he wants a proper relationship including sex, he has to step the fuck up and make up his mind and make a move.

I'm back to thinking he’s a closer gay.

he doesn’t Healy have the physical desire to push through his own decision set.

id dump him and move on. But I am a bloke 😂

TheShellBeach · 06/06/2023 17:50

Well, you've only got his word for it that their relationship isn't sexual, OP.

Or has she confided this in you?

holliebo · 06/06/2023 18:00

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:07

I have been privy to some of their communication and it confirms the no sex thing.

Regardless. Would you ever really trust someone who is willing to string someone along on the pretence they're in a relationship just so he can use her for the benefits he can get??!

What makes you think he won't use you?

I'd be running a mile tbh. He doesn't sound like a catch in the slightest

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:04

Palmasailor · 06/06/2023 17:48

I don’t think he has a clue what he wants.

if he wants a proper relationship including sex, he has to step the fuck up and make up his mind and make a move.

I'm back to thinking he’s a closer gay.

he doesn’t Healy have the physical desire to push through his own decision set.

id dump him and move on. But I am a bloke 😂

Show quote history

He’s not gay. Every time he sees me he tries to pounce on me!

OP posts:
Whatamigoingtodopleasehelp · 06/06/2023 18:04

who does he think he is? Lord Byron?

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:05

TheShellBeach · 06/06/2023 17:50

Well, you've only got his word for it that their relationship isn't sexual, OP.

Or has she confided this in you?

I only have his word for it but I believe him. He has been in the exact same situation before.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:06

holliebo · 06/06/2023 18:00

Regardless. Would you ever really trust someone who is willing to string someone along on the pretence they're in a relationship just so he can use her for the benefits he can get??!

What makes you think he won't use you?

I'd be running a mile tbh. He doesn't sound like a catch in the slightest

Show quote history

The main benefit he gets is her emotional support. I understand why he’s worried about giving that up.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:07

Whatamigoingtodopleasehelp · 06/06/2023 18:04

who does he think he is? Lord Byron?

Ha ha! Probably.

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 06/06/2023 18:09

I'm really confused....

either they are a couple, in which case he is lying to you and being disrespectful to her and he's a bad friend and bf.

Or they aren't a couple in which case he is free to date you if he wants to.

If she is just a friend as he says, what's his problem with dating you?

He's either a weak lying coward or a weak lying coward IYSWIM

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:12

perfectcolourfound · 06/06/2023 18:09

I'm really confused....

either they are a couple, in which case he is lying to you and being disrespectful to her and he's a bad friend and bf.

Or they aren't a couple in which case he is free to date you if he wants to.

If she is just a friend as he says, what's his problem with dating you?

He's either a weak lying coward or a weak lying coward IYSWIM

I think it’s a weird relationship in which they are a couple but don’t kiss or have sex. A bit like a sexless marriage. But they have only known each other 2-3 years and have no ties. No kids, no mortgage, don’t live together, etc.

He is a weak person. He’s also very lonely. He lives by himself and has a job he dislikes.

OP posts:
Palmasailor · 06/06/2023 18:20

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:04

He’s not gay. Every time he sees me he tries to pounce on me!

Show quote history

Right then - he’s got to decide - you - or her.

🤷‍♂️

Throughalookingglass · 06/06/2023 18:24

He’s with a woman he has no ties to and he is not physically attracted to for TWO TO THREE YEARS?
He is with her OP because he WANTS to be with her.
It is that simple. Yet you are tying yourself up in knots trying to figure out how to make him choose you. Why?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 06/06/2023 18:28

I’d give him an ultimatum too, you or her, but bear in mind his bad qualities.

If he doesn’t decide or says September then cut him off.

I’ve known a couple of men like this in the past who were friends. One was a very close male platonic friend who I ended up dating for a few months and then the friendship ended afterwards. Wasted my time there!

TheShellBeach · 06/06/2023 18:28

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:05

I only have his word for it but I believe him. He has been in the exact same situation before.

Show quote history

Has he, indeed.
How odd that this exact same situation has happened to him before.

You sound very gullible.

monsteramunch · 06/06/2023 18:39

The arrogance of this man telling you when he'll be available to date you, based on the future movements of the woman he knows is in love with him who he keeps hanging on a string despite not fancying her... who he says isn't his girlfriend but also says is the reason he can't be with anyone else... who you describe as him being 'together with' even if you don't think they're shagging.

I mean Christ, your vagina should have clamped shut when he had the audacity to tell you it'll be your turn soon you lucky girl 🤢

He has been in the exact same situation before.

And on top of it all he's done this all before.

If you were my mate I would want to shake you!

OhComeOnFFS · 06/06/2023 18:40

Quite honestly I think it's awful that a major part of him being with her is because of what her career brings to the relationship. If she was just rich, would you think differently of him? I'm assuming there's a glamour of some kind to her lifestyle that attracts him and he feels this rubs off on him if he's mixing with her and her friends.

He isn't interested in you, because he'd have to have a grown up relationship with you. That poor woman accepts the breadcrumbs he gives her. You don't - quite rightly so - and have told him you want nothing less than a full relationship. So now he's saying "Well, she'll be gone soon" - what kind of thing is that to say? It's cruel to the other woman and it's insulting to you.

You can do so much better than this weak, cruel man.

Beachhutnut · 06/06/2023 18:43

Honestly op start dating other people and tell him about it. If he wants you he needs to come and get you. Don't wait around for him to finish playing this crazy game.

SheilaFentiman · 06/06/2023 18:50

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 17:43

We kissed. It was great. He wanted me to come back to his flat. I refused. The next time I saw him he was completely different and he later admitted that was because he had got back together with her. Nothing has happened since, just a continuation of our friendship.

He knows that I don’t want just a sex thing. He knows that I want a proper relationship.

I told him that if he has a girlfriend then I can’t see him. That’s when he said all the stuff about it being over by September when she leaves and that he’s found it hard to disentangle himself because of the emotional connection, friends, flatmates, etc.

He said he doesn’t want to be in a sexless relationship and that’s also why it will end when she goes.

He said that she has ended it before and they have gone NC but she has broken the NC. He has been lonely during NC so it picked up again.

She is hurt and confused because he won’t be physical with her.

Show quote history

“He got back together with her”

Sex or no sex, they are a couple, then.

I am starting to hope this is a romcom plot you are testing here!

TedMullins · 06/06/2023 18:53

I’ve read through this whole thread and honestly OP give yourself a stern talking to and a slap round the face. WHAT ON EARTH is attracting you to this absolute loser? He’s a selfish, weak, lying, parasitic user who’s stringing you and this other woman along. He keeps her around for her connections (emotional connection my arse) and you’re there to flirt with. I don’t think he’s into you - the “you’re a catch” thing sounds like exactly the kind of thing he’d say to his non sexual girlfriend to placate her on one of the occasions she goes NC then gets back in touch.

Quite how his behaviour and lack of values/integrity hasn’t made your vagina seal permanently shut is beyond me. If he really wanted to be in a relationship with you he’d make it happen, be honest with his not-girlfriend and make his own way into the industry (I can guarantee this woman’s flatmates think he’s a pathetic hanger on, I used to work in the music industry and met many of these types).

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:53

SheilaFentiman · 06/06/2023 18:50

“He got back together with her”

Sex or no sex, they are a couple, then.

I am starting to hope this is a romcom plot you are testing here!

Show quote history

It’s all true life unfortunately!

Yes, they got back together. He says that they’re in a relationship but that it’s “doomed”, “sexless”, “should never have strayed beyond friendship”. I’m sure she would say he’s her boyfriend but they don’t kiss, have sex or have oral sex. He said it’s “companionship” and a good “emotional connection”. When she went NC he was upset and lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 18:55

TedMullins · 06/06/2023 18:53

I’ve read through this whole thread and honestly OP give yourself a stern talking to and a slap round the face. WHAT ON EARTH is attracting you to this absolute loser? He’s a selfish, weak, lying, parasitic user who’s stringing you and this other woman along. He keeps her around for her connections (emotional connection my arse) and you’re there to flirt with. I don’t think he’s into you - the “you’re a catch” thing sounds like exactly the kind of thing he’d say to his non sexual girlfriend to placate her on one of the occasions she goes NC then gets back in touch.

Quite how his behaviour and lack of values/integrity hasn’t made your vagina seal permanently shut is beyond me. If he really wanted to be in a relationship with you he’d make it happen, be honest with his not-girlfriend and make his own way into the industry (I can guarantee this woman’s flatmates think he’s a pathetic hanger on, I used to work in the music industry and met many of these types).

Yes he told me a while back that her flatmates hate him because he upsets her so much but then he says he can’t be apart from her because he would miss her very nice flatmates. I think he has forgotten that they hate him.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 06/06/2023 18:57

He sounds absolutely pathetic. And you being so into him isn’t a good look either.

SheilaFentiman · 06/06/2023 18:57

OP

Are any of the things you are saying making you like him less? Making you realise he is a bullshit artist?

monsteramunch · 06/06/2023 18:59

He says that they’re in a relationship but that it’s “doomed”, “sexless”, “should never have strayed beyond friendship”. I’m sure she would say he’s her boyfriend but they don’t kiss, have sex or have oral sex.

Why do you keep making out like she's deluded? You say things like 'I'm sure she would say he's her boyfriend' as if it's up for debate, when HE SAYS they are in a relationship!

Doesn't matter if they don't even kiss or if they're swinging off the chandeliers every night, he's just a run of the mill wanker dressing up wanting to have his cake and eat it too as some sort of angsty, dutiful obligation he can't possibly have the balls to end.

Good grief woman! He is NOT a prize. He's an eejit.