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Original poster

Major catch?

196 replies

SweetCheeks66 · 05/06/2023 23:05

I’m totally smitten with my male friend.

I’m single and the other day he referred to me as “A major catch”.

How would you interpret that? I’m hearing it as you’re a major catch for some other man but I’m not interested. Could it be that, by saying that, someone would be actually interested themselves?

Thanks

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 06/06/2023 11:37

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:33

So now that you all know the background, him saying to me “You’re a major catch”. What do you think that means?

I'll tell you what I think.
Whether or not you're a major catch, he isn't.

I'd be very wary of a man who discussed his whole relationship with another woman (you).

Be careful. You'll find he's discussing YOU with a different, random woman if you start going out with him.

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:38

I know you all think he is a bad person but I do really like him and fancy him and would like to try a relationship with him.

So, that being the case, how do you think I should play it? Be unobtainable and utterly stick to my guns about it being a full relationship with me or nothing? Act like I wouldn’t want a relationship with him?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 06/06/2023 11:39

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:15

He’s made it clear that he finds me physically and sexually attractive but he knows that I would only consider a full, proper, exclusive relationship. He can’t offer that while he’s involved with his friend.

Isn’t that all you need to know? He doesn’t want a relationship with you.

He sounds awful by the way, a thoroughly rotten person and I also think h r is lying to you about this relationship anyway.

gardenweed · 06/06/2023 11:39

You need to move on from him. He rates people based on their worth to him. He's saying you're a major catch for some reason that he feels he would benefit from.

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:40

She is in love with him and has masses of physical/sexual desire for him. I think relabelling it as a true friendship and not a boyfriend who she doesn’t kiss etc is too painful for her so she would want to be NC.

He's lacking integrity.

I'd go so far as to calm him cruel and selfish.

He's also too poorly adjusted to apparently make how own friends so he's not lonely and too poorly adjusted to diplomatically forge a way in this world she gives him an in to. After she moves, or at all.

Rainbowqueeen · 06/06/2023 11:43

He knows you’re a catch

The thing is - he’s not. I don’t understand why you would even contemplate this when you know from the outset that he will not give you what you want and he has character flaws that lead to dysfunctional toxic situations. Don’t you think you deserve better than that??

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:43

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:38

I know you all think he is a bad person but I do really like him and fancy him and would like to try a relationship with him.

So, that being the case, how do you think I should play it? Be unobtainable and utterly stick to my guns about it being a full relationship with me or nothing? Act like I wouldn’t want a relationship with him?

You need to raise your standards and improve your taste then.

My advice to you would be to date other men and put him on the back burner.

Reduce your emotional interest & connection towards him.

Hopefully you'll get perspective over time.

He's not quality. I think you have a shit relationship with him.

Don't waste the pretty, as they say in the rules.

Don't waste your prime years on unavailable and loser men and then wonder how you're approaching the end of your child bearing potential with no decent partner. We don't have the time on that front that men have to waste.

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:44

gardenweed · 06/06/2023 11:39

You need to move on from him. He rates people based on their worth to him. He's saying you're a major catch for some reason that he feels he would benefit from.

He has a selfish streak, this is true.

OP posts:
TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:44

*I think you would have a shit relationship with him.

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:45

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:40

She is in love with him and has masses of physical/sexual desire for him. I think relabelling it as a true friendship and not a boyfriend who she doesn’t kiss etc is too painful for her so she would want to be NC.

He's lacking integrity.

I'd go so far as to calm him cruel and selfish.

He's also too poorly adjusted to apparently make how own friends so he's not lonely and too poorly adjusted to diplomatically forge a way in this world she gives him an in to. After she moves, or at all.

He told me that the woman before this one called him “rather cruel”.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:46

You all saved me from sending him a soppy text this morning so thank you!!

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 06/06/2023 11:46

Their 'friendship' sounds messed up. He's a user and she's in fantasy land if she thinks shes in a relationship with him. Meanwhile he's happy to let her believe it so that he can have access to her circle. What a charmer!
Re the 'major catch' comment l would say he means for someone else. Don't waste time on this one OP, you can do better!

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:47

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:45

He told me that the woman before this one called him “rather cruel”.

Show quote history

It is cruel to keep a woman around as a "friend " who is in love with you and keeps going NC with you because she's so bothered by you not wanting a relationship with her.

And because you enjoy the attention and priority she gives you, and you like her social network, and her friends and think you can't get at them on your own.

GiveOverRover · 06/06/2023 11:47

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:51

Part of the reason why he is finding it difficult to let her go fully is that she opened up a world to him that he values through her work. Plus he really likes her friends and her flatmates. If he goes no contact with her, all of those doors close too. So he is torn.

I wouldn't find this attractive in a potential partner. He's not any kind of a catch. People will treat you like they treat others, don't think for one moment you're any different.

I think that rather than having developed an emotional dependence on her, he's using her for what he can get out of her, and stringing her along. She's in love with him, he finds that convenient and is exploiting the situation.

Not a catch in my book, but it depends what you're trying to catch.

Throughalookingglass · 06/06/2023 11:49

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:48

He’s sort of single, sort of not single.

He’s entangled with a woman who he has developed an emotional dependence on. She fancies him and he doesn’t fancy her. They’re friends and she keeps breaking off the friendship because she wants more and he doesn’t. They see each other once a week. So she is kind of like his girlfriend except he doesn’t fancy her and they don’t have sex. She is going away in September so they won’t be seeing each other after that.

My BS radar went off.

Yes she’s his girlfriend.

He is not the catch you think he is. Don’t stroke his ego.

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:49

The person who said it's inappropriate and unfair and a poor character trait re how much about her and their relationship he's told you, is also correct.

Hrs low quality.

Detach.

Try to meet other men.

Put him on the back burner bit don't say anything about that to him.

I hope you wise up about him in time.

AtomicBlondeRose · 06/06/2023 11:51

It doesn’t matter how they label it or if they have sex or not, to all intents and purposes she is his girlfriend and he is not single. Whatever the ins and outs and emotional reasoning etc that’s the fact of the matter.

He’s stringing both of you along (and enjoying it) while you try to figure out the magic combination of words/actions/attitudes to unlock the heart of this prize of a man. But he doesn’t want to be unlocked or he would be. He’s a hot mess and you’re better off out of it (not posturing that he “risks losing you”, not flouncing to prove to him you don’t need him, just honestly and truly moving on with your life.) He’s throwing you crumbs and you’re sitting like a good dog under the table hoping for a whole plateful if you behave right!

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:53

He appears to use people.

If you get involved in any capacity, you'll just be the next person he uses.

Men are not an endangered species - get out there and meet others instead of fixating on him.

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:53

AtomicBlondeRose · 06/06/2023 11:51

It doesn’t matter how they label it or if they have sex or not, to all intents and purposes she is his girlfriend and he is not single. Whatever the ins and outs and emotional reasoning etc that’s the fact of the matter.

He’s stringing both of you along (and enjoying it) while you try to figure out the magic combination of words/actions/attitudes to unlock the heart of this prize of a man. But he doesn’t want to be unlocked or he would be. He’s a hot mess and you’re better off out of it (not posturing that he “risks losing you”, not flouncing to prove to him you don’t need him, just honestly and truly moving on with your life.) He’s throwing you crumbs and you’re sitting like a good dog under the table hoping for a whole plateful if you behave right!

Perfect summary.

Throughalookingglass · 06/06/2023 11:56

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 11:38

I know you all think he is a bad person but I do really like him and fancy him and would like to try a relationship with him.

So, that being the case, how do you think I should play it? Be unobtainable and utterly stick to my guns about it being a full relationship with me or nothing? Act like I wouldn’t want a relationship with him?

He is toying with you. Stop playing.
You will lose.
He sounds like a horrible person. I would not want to be friends with him let alone be in a relationship with this cruel, selfish egomaniac.

You WILL lose whatever game you intend playing with him.
Focus on your own self worth.

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:56

Btw I know quite a few people who are in relationships where they barely or never have sex ...the men would probably take sexual opportunities with other women that came their way ... But they still don't leave their main relationship.

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 12:03

TheoTheopolis23 · 06/06/2023 11:56

Btw I know quite a few people who are in relationships where they barely or never have sex ...the men would probably take sexual opportunities with other women that came their way ... But they still don't leave their main relationship.

Yes, I think this is the situation he is in. They don’t live together, have children or financial ties. They’re not married. There’s no need for him to be stuck in this relationship.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 06/06/2023 12:06

I think he said it as part of his flirting with you. I think he gave it about 30 seconds thought!

Motnight · 06/06/2023 12:30

SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 10:48

He’s sort of single, sort of not single.

He’s entangled with a woman who he has developed an emotional dependence on. She fancies him and he doesn’t fancy her. They’re friends and she keeps breaking off the friendship because she wants more and he doesn’t. They see each other once a week. So she is kind of like his girlfriend except he doesn’t fancy her and they don’t have sex. She is going away in September so they won’t be seeing each other after that.

It makes a change to the usual "my ex is mad and the She Devil" narrative I suppose

Original poster
SweetCheeks66 · 06/06/2023 13:03

Motnight · 06/06/2023 12:30

It makes a change to the usual "my ex is mad and the She Devil" narrative I suppose

Show quote history

Ha!! He’s never said that about any of his exes, fortunately.

OP posts: