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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband has stopped talking to us

214 replies

BonnieB38 · 05/06/2023 01:50

I'm at such a loss with how my husband is behaving. He has just stopped interacting with myself and our 3 DC. No row nothing. He says there is nothing wrong, I have asked him if he's happy etc. No answers. Last night he took the children to a firework display and my oldest said he never spoke a word to them going to or from the event or when they were there. The kids are 16, 9 and 10.
He went away for a break with his friends in March and on reflection he hasn't been his normal happy loving self since then. I have asked if something happened while there and he said no.

I am aware he made friends with girls while there. The first day he was in contact with us 2nd day we heard absolutely nothing from him. I did ask him if he exchanged contact details and yes he did. I went through his phone and I seen photos of him and his friends with them but nothing to cause any concerns only they were missing from his gallery and in a what's app to one of the girls on a what's app msg. What does rise a question is she seems to have him.blocked on what's app as there is only one tick on the message and it was sent weeks ago.

This silent treatment is incredibly upsetting for us. We haven't done anything wrong and he is not giving any ideas of what is wrong.

OP posts:
Theydontknowthatweknowthattheyknow · 05/06/2023 07:28

I'm confused why you'd accept such vile behaviour towards yourself and especially towards your kids. It's irrelevent what's causing it. Tell him to get a f'ing grip and tell you what's up or get out of your life. There's no time for such twattery in family life. Prioritise your children. They aren't asking for this and don't deserve it

MumblesParty · 05/06/2023 07:35

ShoesoftheWorld · 05/06/2023 07:20

I'd be leaving out any considerations of another woman at the present time and dealing with what's in front of me. And yes, I would be saying 'This nonsense is upsetting me and hurting our children. I'd like you to leave, today, and only come back when you are prepared to interact and engage with us normally again.' This will likely lead, eventually, to the emergence of whatever is going on, if anything. The main message he needs is that he does not get to treat the family with such contempt (your poor children!) and keep enjoying the benefits of it.

This

Drosselmeyer · 05/06/2023 07:35

He needs to start acting like a decent man or leave.

PussyGalore1 · 05/06/2023 07:36

This is emotional abuse, he is either doing it deliberately so you can ask him to leave rather than him leave the family home and be seen as the bad guy. Please don’t put up with it and value your self worth.

dudsville · 05/06/2023 07:40

He's not seeing things as they really are and he's willing to behave in such harmful ways with his family. I'd be very concerned and think it needs to be addressed straight away.

MrsPerfect12 · 05/06/2023 07:43

agree that he needs a sharp word he either tells you so this can be solved or he leaves. His behaviour is not acceptable.
Something happened in March.

Mix56 · 05/06/2023 07:43

Sadly, I agree he is having an emotional affair, he has probably changed her name for "Dave" or something on his phone.
fairly classic behaviour.
I agree don't be put on the back foot,
tell him to leave, as he isn't interested, he doesn't want to talk about it, & you and your children are worth more than this.

WTF475878237NC · 05/06/2023 07:45

I imagine he wants to leave and is resentful he can't (in his mind, because of the children) so you're all being punished for trapping him. He's laying the groundwork, unconsciously I expect, to leave for someone else who may or may not be waiting in the sidelines.

I think you should suggest relationship counselling or divorce. He may want you to be the bad guy here and end the marriage because he's too scared to.

Flippyflopster · 05/06/2023 07:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

StemStem · 05/06/2023 07:49

It sounds like depression or a traumatic event.

HomeB · 05/06/2023 07:49

Ha, first thing I thought was fireworks in June? Surely not

LaDamaDeElche · 05/06/2023 07:49

Wow, it's bad enough for a man to do this to his wife, but the children too?! That's truly awful. Not sure I could forgive that, no matter what his reasons. No matter how immature your are being towards another adult, it's so, so toxic to behave like that to your children.

Sarahtm35 · 05/06/2023 07:51

‘He’s not giving any ideas of what’s wrong’ yet you found messages to a ‘girl’ he met on a lads holiday??
he’s emotionally checked out and you need to give him a shaking up. I’d be telling my husband to leave if he did this.

Nothingisblackandwhite · 05/06/2023 07:57

He is cheating , hasn’t found a way to tell you but I would start preparing .

PinkyFlamingo · 05/06/2023 08:01

You need to gave a serious conversation with him hes acting like a child.

Mix56 · 05/06/2023 08:02

we have fireworks frequently throughout the summer, for the tourists ! (not UK)

elm26 · 05/06/2023 08:03

My DH could choose not to speak to me, that's fine and I will get on with it and tell him he's a knobhead and show him the door (if there's something more serious like mental health problems then obviously I would help him through if he would be willing to talk) but to ignore our daughter, no way!

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2023 08:04

So, your husband is being a complete arsehole and rather than call him out because it's upsetting his children and you, you pussy foot around him?!?
It tells me that a dynamic has been laid down for years in your house, and not a healthy one.

Zanatdy · 05/06/2023 08:05

Theydontknowthatweknowthattheyknow · 05/06/2023 07:28

I'm confused why you'd accept such vile behaviour towards yourself and especially towards your kids. It's irrelevent what's causing it. Tell him to get a f'ing grip and tell you what's up or get out of your life. There's no time for such twattery in family life. Prioritise your children. They aren't asking for this and don't deserve it

This. Giving his own kids the silent treatment is disgusting behaviour and I couldn’t be in a marriage with someone who behaved like that

Kiwano · 05/06/2023 08:05

Taking the children out and not speaking to them is such weird behaviour that it means you are entitled to answers. Sit down with him and tell him he needs to explain to you what is going on.

Flippyflopster · 05/06/2023 08:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

FrenchandSaunders · 05/06/2023 08:10

You don’t seem very concerned about these ‘girls’ on a lads holiday!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/06/2023 08:17

Would you consider bolting the front door and seeing if that helps him find his voice?

Even if he cheated or thought about it, it doesn't explain it excuse the absolute rudeness of not speaking to his own family in his own home. I would stop being nice about it now, especially as he is blanking his children, which is not ok.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 05/06/2023 08:19

Nope

Original poster
BonnieB38 · 05/06/2023 08:20

I'm not pussy footing around him. I have spoken to him many times I just can't get answers. I don't plan on tolerating this behaviour towards my children either. I didn't come here for your kind of comments either

OP posts: