My husband has stopped talking to us

[BonnieB38]

I'm at such a loss with how my husband is behaving. He has just stopped interacting with myself and our 3 DC. No row nothing. He says there is nothing wrong, I have asked him if he's happy etc. No answers. Last night he took the children to a firework display and my oldest said he never spoke a word to them going to or from the event or when they were there. The kids are 16, 9 and 10.
He went away for a break with his friends in March and on reflection he hasn't been his normal happy loving self since then. I have asked if something happened while there and he said no.

I am aware he made friends with girls while there. The first day he was in contact with us 2nd day we heard absolutely nothing from him. I did ask him if he exchanged contact details and yes he did. I went through his phone and I seen photos of him and his friends with them but nothing to cause any concerns only they were missing from his gallery and in a what's app to one of the girls on a what's app msg. What does rise a question is she seems to have him.blocked on what's app as there is only one tick on the message and it was sent weeks ago.

This silent treatment is incredibly upsetting for us. We haven't done anything wrong and he is not giving any ideas of what is wrong.

PS> Leaving it until your DD's exams are over isn't sensible, because the stress will gnaw away at you all and you've said the house is calmer when he's not there. Kick him out until her exams are over.

The silent treatment is a form of coercive control. Its abusive.
https://www.healthline.com/health/silent-treatment#when-its-abusive

After a lads' holiday?

Sounds like he wants his single life back

OP if he's choosing to work all the time then it's because he's getting something out of it beyond money (going on the assumption that you aren't on the breadline, since he could afford the holiday). He derives satisfaction from it, or he's building his career or even he prefers working to looking after the kids. You have to remember that when a partner works all the time, you are the one who has to compensate in other areas - their work has a cost for you too. They are making a choice that other people have to deal with the consequences of. Disclaimer - it's different if you have to work long hours just to cover the bills.

He's not owed a jolly with his mates and other women specifically because he's made that choice to work a lot.

I think he's had his head turned and his holiday has made real life seem mundane. Men who have had their head turned can behave like total stranger and behave very cruelly and selfishly.
I know you're in the middle of the gcse exam period but if this was me I'd tell him I want him out of the house and I'd tell the kids he was away with work or had to stay with mil cos she's ill, or whatever excuse you think they'd accept for now. It's absolutely awful timing but on balance I think it's worse to have a grumpy dad who is ignoring them in the house. Kids are very sensitive to atmosphere and to me getting him out is the lesser of two bad options.

I think you need to solve this before the exams to be honest. Can you ask him to leave or something? He probably won't be surprised if you do.

@BonnieB38 "he made friends with girls"

Girls or women?

A plausible excuse to get him out of the house until exams are over is a good idea if you think the kids won’t twig.

He needs help?
What for?
Being abusive to his wife and family?
FFS.

He's being cowardly and very nasty. Hugging the edge of the bed. Silent treatment. Being "normal" outside the family home. He's pushing you to be the bad guy. "She kicked me out because I worked too hard, for no reason, I'm perfect" (cross out where necessary...) . He caught a taste of what single life could be like again. Never mind the family. He's worse than a spoilt child. Protect yourself and your children. Have a very frank conversation with him and accept no excuses or denial about his behaviour. Either he sucks it all up or he's out. You deserve better and so do your children. Wishing you well and hoping that the OW is not already lined up in the background.

You cannot evict somebody from their own home. That’s illegal.

He's having an affair, or has just finished having an affair, or he wishes he could have an affair.

It's not just ignoring you verbally, is it?

She can't force him out but she can ask him to leave and tell him she's not going to tolerate this behaviour. She can make it clear that his behaviour is damaging their children and it would benefit them for him to be elsewhere at least for now. And if he's not going to buck up his ideas, the end result is divorce.
He needs the shock of realising that having a wife and family is not only his choice - the OP has a say too.
We all have to adjust to the reality that our youth is over - you won't find many women ignoring their own kids though.

OP,

The absolute key thing he is his happy and normal self with others but is saving his abuse for his children and you.

He is utter scum.

Your poor poor child.

Preparing for exams while her father abuses the family.

I really hope she reaches out to an adult in school for support.

I would be very concerned for her mental health.

What a truly selfish man.

I would be insisting he leave the house and I would NEVER forgive him for CHOOSING to abuse our children.

This is completely deliberate.

Attached to the holiday, fancying someone, being rebuffed, whatever.

But he is absolute scum.

Sounds like something is going on OP

I so feel for your OP, can't be easy. I know you're trying to hold it together for your DD, but when her exams are over, yes, he needs a frank talking to. I'd insist he tells you what's up, good or bad your listening. Obviously if it's worst case scenario, something he's done rather than being depressed, then I'd use this time to think about what you want from the relationship longterm.

This is definitely connected to his holiday. Are there any calls to this woman not just messages?

Sounds like he's had his head turned, thinks he's love's young dream, and now looks upon you and dc as encumbrances who couldn't possibly understand his higher consciousness.

Tell him to shape the fuck up or get out.

22/23 year olds

A younger woman gave him some attention and boosted his confidence and then knocked him back and he is licking his wounds maybe?

Is there a chance at all he has another woman as a separate issue to the women he met on holiday? there are some classic signs of an affair?

My take on this is... he's only 37 and has seen what he's 'missing out on ' by going on holiday.

He's basically ended your relationship, he just hasn't told you, in words,but his actions are telling you.

I assumed he was much older than 37 from your first post.

You got together young,had a child, then 2 younger ones.

He wants to live a single life, doesn't want family life anymore.

He's basically tasted 'freedom ' and he likes it.

My exh acted exactly like this during his affair - and especially when the OW's husband found out and she told him she was going to try to save her marriage (they were soon back together though). I think he saw me and the kids as an obstacle to them being together. And he'd been talking about our marriage to the OW and developed a story about how I was a bitch, which clouds your view of your wife a bit.

Almost the same with my ex. He got infatuated with a young woman, the young woman flirted with him a bit, and then didn't really want to get involved with an older married man. My ex sulked and blamed us for her not wanting him. Men, eh?

Agree with this post. He is ignoring you physically and verbally so appears to have checked out of your relationship. Horrid for you and totally unacceptable to let it affect your DC in this way, particularly during exams.

Recommend telling him that you understand that your relationship is over as it has made it very clear, but that you are not going to let him affect how well your DD does in her exams and he needs to leave right now and remove his nasty behaviour from her presence. Also recommend telling him that after she has finished the exams, you may consider talking things through with him (you are the injured party here so up to you).

Let him go and don't respond to any communications from him until after her exams. He clearly wants his single life back so I'd give it to him.

Me three.

Same old same old.

The reality is, the single life is quite a lot better than the drudgery of kids, for many people.

Unfortunately, as soon as we make the decision to have children, we should've closed te door on single life for 20 years or so.

Unfortunately again, and lets face it mostly women, it only takes one parent.

Actually OP, you should approach the school and tell them what is going on.

Your daughter and the family are being emotionally abused for several months, she is clearly stressed and struggling and may need support from them.

I think you can tell your husband you have done this.

Your relationship is over.

How you have allowed this to continue for months coming up to exams is beyond me.

I would filet my husband if he did anything to upset our children coming up to their exams, much less tolerate his emotional abuse of them for several months.

Take control of the situation.

Tell him your marriage is clearly over.

His abuse of you all has impacted the children and you are informing the school.

Men like the little prick you are married to, think they can treat their wifes and children badly behind closed doors.

Telling him that you are involving the school pastoral supports and want him out, is the way to go.

I mean this kindly, but you have tolerated this bullshit fot too long, to the serious detriment of your child.

She will NEVER forget this.

She WILL wonder why you didn't challenge this behaviour when it was so impactful on her at such an already stressful time.

She has and is not being protected from his emotional abuse of her and her siblings.

This is completely unacceptable.

Sorry OP, another to add to the having an affair/ had a fling whilst away camp.

My OH behaved exactly like this with our children and I, yet kept up a big pretence of normal happy family man to others after starting an affair. He became a total stranger almost overnight from the moment he consumated the affair.

He was vile. Argumentative, critical, avoidant and made no effort at home. He put it down to stress from all sorts, mainly blaming me as they do. Yet my adult son mentioned he'd seen him sat in his car chatting and smiling happily to someone when I questioned if it was possible depression.

Turns out he was being horrible to us due to guilt of affair.

You need to check his phone, deleted messages etc if he won't come clean.