Is it him, me or just incompatibility?

[8counts]

Been with DP for 9 years, we have been talking about marriage and moving in together.

For context, I come from a dysfunctional family background whereas his parents are still together and the whole family is very close. It was one of the things that attracted me to him.

Anyway, I feel as if I'm always his last priority. EG, family members need help with something and immediately he'll do it. If it's me then it'll get put off or just never done.

I understand it is not his fault I don't have family support and I need to make this clear, I am absolutely NOT suggesting I am put before anyone else, just that I have equal consideration. If ever he needs anything from me I automatically do it because I want to and he is part of my family, married or not.

How can I marry someone who is supposed to also be my family but I'm not afforded the same respect?

So at the beginning of the week I told him this. I'll be honest, looking back at my tone I was accusatory ( I wasn't swearing or anything, just more, you keep doing this) rather than 'hey, this is how I feel lets talk about it'.

So he told me he wouldn't be speaking to me until the end of week. I can understand him being annoyed at me if he doesn't think that's the case, but for a week? Surely a cooling off period of even a night then speak about it the next day. I feel as if I'm just being punished and once again, my feelings aren't valid.

There have been other occasions he's just not spoken to me for days if we've disagreed and it makes me feel really low and vulnerable. It solidifies how I already felt.

I feel like I'm just crazy and I'm expecting too much. I don't know what to. Is this something that is reasonable but I'm looking too much into it because I haven't had healthy family relationships?

What will he do if we disagree once we're married, just leave and stay with his parents for the week and not speak to me?

He sounded so calm and reasonable when he said it I feel like I've completely got this all wrong, but that's genuinely how I feel. I text him about something necessary a couple of days ago, tbh it didn't need a reply it was for information, but he just left it on read. Not even an 'ok'.

We're both late 30's if that matters. And I'm on the waiting list for therapy.

You weren’t the one to play games @8counts. You didn’t miss any critical information.

You’ve asked him for weeks to do and he only proposed after punishing you by refusing to talk to you.
But the fact you felt strong and in control when you told him about it is telling you all you need to know.
You CAN be strong and in control.
You CAN feel good about taking control and about your life.
You CAN do stuff Wo him. He isn’t irreplaceable. And you have more resources than you think you have.

How you felt them is how you will feel when this man is out of your life for good.

I'm so sorry OP, but wake up. As PPs have said, you're in a seriously emotionally abusive relationship.

Your new life starts here...

No op, he's punishing you again. He's realised that you're in control of that situation, so he's ignoring you to put you off balance again. He's abusive and all of his behaviour is to have you second guessing everything - which as you can see by your last post, he's got you doing.

Please try not to GAF about his reasons and reactions to your behaviour. You're so much better than this loser. Please stop analyzing him.
He doesn't matter anymore because you've split up.

OP, everyone on here is rooting for you. He is manipulative and abusive and knows exactly what he is doing. Your last exchange illustrates this when you told him you'd sorted the stuff that needed to be taken to the dump. He then punished you by saying he wasnt going to see you as he was still angry. How petty!
This kind of push and pull wreaks havoc with your mental health and you will always feel you are walking on egg shells around him. Please take back control, you are worth so much more. Have some counselling and read Lundy Bancroft's book' Why does he do that'. Also arrange some more driving lessons, and grab your freedom!

@8counts how are you doing?

I've been thinking of you, OP.