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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner constantly criticises my skin

219 replies

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 17:07

Been with my dp for 8 years & have children together. He’s a very forward person and will just tell me things how it is with no filter at all.

i have struggled with my skin since I was a teen. After having my kids it was terrible but calmed down. However every time I get my period I get hormonal acne all over my chin (usually like big boils) but then it will clear up after (but I can be left with red pigmentation).

dp constantly comments on my skin… literally every single day. His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me as he wants my skin to get better but he never gives constructive criticism or supportive criticism it’s just constant rude remarks. I’ve now become extremely insecure and ended up trying all different skincare etc and had made my skin worse so I’ve just stopped and it’s clearing up again.

everytime he comments on my skin I end up crying (I’m a very sensitive person) but he just never stops. I don’t know how often he wants to keep repeating the same things to me. There’s nothing I can really do. I tell him it’s normal acne and he says ‘it wasn’t like that before’ which my reply was ‘that’s because I haven’t had a period in 3 months!’. (I have pcos and extremely irregular periods).

he believes it’s just caused from what I eat/ sugar. I’m a size uk 4/6 and go gym throughout the week and yes I like to eat chocolate but I know that’s not what’s causing it.

tmi but I was very h*rny today (doesn’t happen too often due to my hormones) and I was really looking forward to him coming home and maybe trying it on with him. As soon as he came home and sat next to me and just looked at my skin and starts questioning my chin area - he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’. What annoyed me about this is that he has terrible skin himself! He has large scars/pores all over his face, dark pigmentation/scars everywhere including his back. I stooped low enough to try and point his own skin back to him but it just doesn’t bother him at all! He has such a huge ego that he believes he’s gorgeous.

I walked away crying and told him that all he does is make me feel like sh*t and ugly and that he’s the one person that should make me feel pretty but instead ruins my confidence. He responded by telling me I’m emotionally unstable and that it’s my coil causing it. (I have the non normal coil, me being upset about his insults is not caused by the coil!). I told him how when we’re having sex I’m going to feel insecure incase my ‘spots’ turn him off etc.

after that he told me that last statement has bothered him and now turned him off. I don’t understand why?? I was simply pointing out how i wouldn’t feel confident during sex if he keeps picking out my insecurities in my appearance.

im really frustrated and I don’t want to be crying over something so stupid when there are bigger issues in the world. Equally, I just wish my partner made me feel pretty!

OP posts:
CindersAgain · 08/05/2023 17:12

He sounds horrible. What exactly does he say about your skin?

Velvetbee · 08/05/2023 17:12

You deserve better than this horrible insensitive man.

KirstenBlest · 08/05/2023 17:14

he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’.
He's a bully.

Solasum · 08/05/2023 17:15

Firstly, he sounds really mean and unpleasant. Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? What happens when you get old and grey and wrinkly?

secondly, have you spoken to a dermatologist? They may be able to help

SurpriseSparDay · 08/05/2023 17:16

Shame you’re not married.

Because then you could get a divorce.

Clymene · 08/05/2023 17:18

He's absolutely horrible. A horrible, horrible man.

Gosh I'm so sorry.

JustCheck · 08/05/2023 17:18

It sounds like he’s getting a kick out of this behaviour

dudsville · 08/05/2023 17:18

He really sounds horrible, this is cruel behaviour. He's eating away at you. This is not a small thing OP.

Kittensat36 · 08/05/2023 17:19

"I'm just going to be honest, even if it makes you cry." Dear God. He is enjoying your tears, he is deliberately making you feel shit so a) you don't leave him and b) because he can. Some people are like that, they are vile to people just to see the hurt on their faces; yo say he has a huge ego? He keeps it inflated by hurting you. He knows he isn't God's gift, so he picks on you to feel better about himself.

He is a nasty little piece of work and you need to be honest with him, even if it makes him cry - tell him he's dumped. I reckon your skin might even improve with the removal of the stress.

Nothingbuttheglory · 08/05/2023 17:20

He sounds a lot like a massive cunt. Sorry. But he knows he upsets you and continues. This suggests that he does it because he knows it upsets you. And when you get upset he says you're emotionally unstable. This is gaslighting. Unless you have given a totally unrepresentative view of your relationship, he sounds like an abuser. Abusers don't change. Sorry.

Bananalanacake · 08/05/2023 17:24

What are his good points.

PianoLeGrande · 08/05/2023 17:27

You are his emotional punching bag, a way to make himself feel better. He is putting you down because it stops you leaving him, he makes you think that no one would want you but he is very, very wrong. He can see that his comments upset you, he continues to do it, he acknowledges that it upsets you and still does it. You have to ask why and the answer is to make you feel shit about yourself.

He cannot love you to do this to you continually. You need to ask yourself why you would stay in this relationship. And do not say he is a good Dad because a good Dad would not make his child's mother feel like shit every day. What is your housing situation, do you work and I think you should leave. Your children are watching you model what a relationship is. This is not a good one. You deserve so much better than this.

Malloryhitops · 08/05/2023 17:27

Does he have any redeeming qualities? He sounds like a controlling bully that’s obsessed with looks. I would get rid.

Theeaglesoared · 08/05/2023 17:29

Blimey. Why are you with this horrible man?

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 17:29

Kittensat36 · 08/05/2023 17:19

"I'm just going to be honest, even if it makes you cry." Dear God. He is enjoying your tears, he is deliberately making you feel shit so a) you don't leave him and b) because he can. Some people are like that, they are vile to people just to see the hurt on their faces; yo say he has a huge ego? He keeps it inflated by hurting you. He knows he isn't God's gift, so he picks on you to feel better about himself.

He is a nasty little piece of work and you need to be honest with him, even if it makes him cry - tell him he's dumped. I reckon your skin might even improve with the removal of the stress.

I used to think that he was picking on my flaws because of his own insecurities, but honestly he actually isn’t. He really isn’t bothered if I were to criticise his own skin back.

I would agree to say ‘he knows he’s not gods gift’ but the annoying part of it is that he’s quite a great looking guy with an amazing physique and women literally throw themselves at him everyday. So he knows he’s good looking, what does my opinions matter when there are 100 other women that think he’s extremely attractive?

he believes he’s ‘helping me’ as my partner by telling me the truth. Yes I appreciate that, but I think there are much better ways to tell me the truth and support me without insulting or making me feel like rubbish…

OP posts:
Tangelablue · 08/05/2023 17:30

Have you always been sensitive? Or has he just worn down your self-esteem? Living with someone who knows that what he is going is going to upset you, and still says it anyway is messed up.
As others have said he's a bully and putting you down probably makes him feel good about himself.

LetUsPonce · 08/05/2023 17:30

He sounds horrible. Tell him that if he can't say anything nice then you expect him to just keep his mouth shut.

And have some 💐. I hope you get a few clearer weeks from it. Hormonal acne can be so sore.

ListeningToZach · 08/05/2023 17:31

He a total cunt. Nice people, loving partners, don’t do this.

I guarantee you deserve much better than this piece of shit. Get rid. What if you had an accident and got a scar or put on weight due to hormones, would he go on at you about that? Questioning what you eat? Seriously, this isn’t good.

A few years ago I had a period of time where my skin flared up every month. My partner only had concern for me as he knew I hated it as it was bloody sore. He knew I hated even going out to the shop so he’d do as much of everything like that that he could for me. And he made up some bullshit excuse about him working to his family when I didn’t want to go to a family party because my skin was bad. And still made me feel like the most perfect woman on the planet!

Don’t stand for it. 💐

Hubblebubble · 08/05/2023 17:34

I have flairs up of psoriasis. At their worst, these patches on my body are red, scaley and flakey. During my misspent youth, I never once had a man say anything unkind. One once asked me what it was and if it hurt, I explained and that was that. He was concerned, not grossed out. Your husband is an awful person.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 08/05/2023 17:35

KirstenBlest · 08/05/2023 17:14

he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’.
He's a bully.

Yeah vile, is he too stupid to think you haven't noticed?

Arniesleftleg · 08/05/2023 17:35

Start making remarks about his manhood! It's a bitter pill to swallow.

WateryDoom · 08/05/2023 17:36

He's so horrible, that I wouldn't care if he looked like Brad Pitt - which I'm pretty sure he doesn't. Let him go. Let him find someone who doesn't object to his petty 'little man' comments and his nastiness.

I agree with others who say your skin would perhaps improve if you got rid of the massive boil in your life that is supposed to be your partner.

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 17:37

CindersAgain · 08/05/2023 17:12

He sounds horrible. What exactly does he say about your skin?

On a nice day he’d tell me that ‘you’ve used too many chemical on your skin/using products that you think are going to help you but really making it worse/I’m uneducated about skincare/ your skin does not look nice etc’.

on a bad day he could literally say ‘your face looks mash up’ (kind of like slang for ‘disgusting/destroyed etc).

honestly, he doesn’t even have to speak. It’s gotten to the stage now where all he has to do is look at my face and I instantly know what he’s thinking without him speaking and I’ll walk away upset.

when we’re in the car I try not to face him if he looks in my direction as we’re in a close proximity in daylight.

I just find it strange because my skin is not that bad, so why is that all he sees every day? I don’t look at people and just see their imperfections when I’m talking to them?

OP posts:
yellowsmileyface · 08/05/2023 17:38

He's not trying to help you. He's a bully.

No one's genuine attempt to help another would leave them in tears.

HappyMe6 · 08/05/2023 17:38

And he’s an Adonis I presume! What an awful dickhead he is, I think he’s enjoying every moment he’s putting you down seeing the reaction from you. He’s got zilch respect for you op, and underneath all the comments he’s clearly an unhappy man. I feel for you having acne can be awful