Partner constantly criticises my skin

[Hmommy24]

Been with my dp for 8 years & have children together. He’s a very forward person and will just tell me things how it is with no filter at all.

i have struggled with my skin since I was a teen. After having my kids it was terrible but calmed down. However every time I get my period I get hormonal acne all over my chin (usually like big boils) but then it will clear up after (but I can be left with red pigmentation).

dp constantly comments on my skin… literally every single day. His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me as he wants my skin to get better but he never gives constructive criticism or supportive criticism it’s just constant rude remarks. I’ve now become extremely insecure and ended up trying all different skincare etc and had made my skin worse so I’ve just stopped and it’s clearing up again.

everytime he comments on my skin I end up crying (I’m a very sensitive person) but he just never stops. I don’t know how often he wants to keep repeating the same things to me. There’s nothing I can really do. I tell him it’s normal acne and he says ‘it wasn’t like that before’ which my reply was ‘that’s because I haven’t had a period in 3 months!’. (I have pcos and extremely irregular periods).

he believes it’s just caused from what I eat/ sugar. I’m a size uk 4/6 and go gym throughout the week and yes I like to eat chocolate but I know that’s not what’s causing it.

tmi but I was very h*rny today (doesn’t happen too often due to my hormones) and I was really looking forward to him coming home and maybe trying it on with him. As soon as he came home and sat next to me and just looked at my skin and starts questioning my chin area - he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’. What annoyed me about this is that he has terrible skin himself! He has large scars/pores all over his face, dark pigmentation/scars everywhere including his back. I stooped low enough to try and point his own skin back to him but it just doesn’t bother him at all! He has such a huge ego that he believes he’s gorgeous.

I walked away crying and told him that all he does is make me feel like sh*t and ugly and that he’s the one person that should make me feel pretty but instead ruins my confidence. He responded by telling me I’m emotionally unstable and that it’s my coil causing it. (I have the non normal coil, me being upset about his insults is not caused by the coil!). I told him how when we’re having sex I’m going to feel insecure incase my ‘spots’ turn him off etc.

after that he told me that last statement has bothered him and now turned him off. I don’t understand why?? I was simply pointing out how i wouldn’t feel confident during sex if he keeps picking out my insecurities in my appearance.

im really frustrated and I don’t want to be crying over something so stupid when there are bigger issues in the world. Equally, I just wish my partner made me feel pretty!

He's enjoying himself bullying you.

He's awful . I'm so sorry OP but he's obviously using your insecurities about your skin to abuse and demoralise you. If it wasn't that he'd find something else.

I had terrible skin for ages, hormonal cysts that took ages to go plus rosacea. My lovely DH never made me feel bad about it, the only time he ever mentioned it was to reassure me that he thought I was beautiful when I was feeling down about it. That's what you deserve, not a bullying man determined to destroy your self-confidence.

Time to reclaim your power. Just stop crying and bully him back! Everything you told us about his skin + other insecurities. Is he fat? Is he too skinny? Is he poor?

I would tell him among the lines “I would love to go to a dermatologist but you are poor, aren’t you? Loser that can’t pay for a treatment that bothers you so much”.

I would only say that because it doesn’t seem you are going to call off the relationship. Standing up for yourself and react is the only way to go.

You’re 55 kg and a size 4/6 U.K. ( sounds odd to me btw, are those child sizes?) and he calls you fat ??!! It must be exhausting being around him. I can imagine with triplets splitting up isn’t easy, but think about what you get out of the relationship, whether it’s worth putting up with the constant criticism and if not, how to get out .

Does he say horrible things to his kids too?

On a nice day he’d tell me that ‘you’ve used too many chemical on your skin/using products that you think are going to help you but really making it worse/I’m uneducated about skincare/ your skin does not look nice etc’.

On a bad day he could literally say ‘your face looks mash up’

I struggle to see the difference between his nice and bad days to be honest.

How old are your kids? Mine is 10 and starting to get the odd hormonal puberty spot, which he's very self-conscious about. What happens when he starts calling them ugly fat spotty bitches/bastards?

I feel your pain. I have PCOS and my late mother was obsessed with my skin / weight as a result. Even if she didn't say anything, I would look at her and see her staring at me and just twitching to have a go.

I’m shocked that people are discussing skincare rather than the fact your DP is a total wanker.

He is using you as an emotional punch bag and he’s also projecting his own insecurities into you. This won’t get better and by staying and allowing him to carry on bullying you it will just go on and on, whilst your self confidence and esteem will carry on going down the toilet.

Imagine a life where another new DP tells you how lovely you look and doesn’t ever say means and critical things about your looks and skin. That’s a normal and healthy relationship.

Don’t waste your life taking horribly toxic medications to please this utter dick head. As you’ve said yourself already, your skin isn’t that bad! It’s also part of the parcel of PCOS. If he can’t accept you as you are, then, frankly, fuck him, he doesn’t deserve you.

Vile twat. Get rid

Hi everyone sorry for the late response! So many replies I haven’t been able to read through them all yet!

update - he came home from work and told me he has something he wants me to listen to. He had recorded his client (who is a doctor) talking about skincare. He had purposely asked her questions about things poking at me. For example, asked her what happens to the skin when you use chemicals everyday/night. Her response is something I obviously know - I’m not stupid! I’ve done my research into skincare and not just the basics but I’ve listened to plenty of dermatologists and the science behind it all etc.

although he didn’t mention anything to do with me, he wanted me to ‘listen and learn’ basically. He thought he was helping me by having me hear it from a doctor but I’m even more upset now. I’m tired of hearing about my skin all the time! I’m tired of him ASSUMING I’m using chemicals on my face everyday and that I don’t know what the doctor was saying already.

yes I used chemicals on my face (tried tretinion and vitamin c) but the vitamin c was only for 1 week! He sees me use something once and will assume I use it every day and even if I tell him I don’t he won’t believe me and goes on and on.

Please leave him. He has an unhealthy obsession with your skin.

Another update -

he saw me upset and tried to comfort me and I told him I’m tired of hearing about my skin everyday. I told him if he has such a big problem with it he should help me by paying for a dermatologist rather than nagging ag me everyday.

he responded by telling me that I should ‘eat clean, have a balanced diet!’. (Something he gets really annoyed at me about as I don’t eat a balanced diet). I don’t have a huge appetite so struggle to eat 3 meals a day and don’t eat enough veg etc. it’s not intentional my metabolism as I’ve gotten older has completely changed and even if I eat a lot I don’t gain weight like I used to. I know I really need to improve what I eat, eat more calories/meals and get my nutrients.

but that doesn’t solve the issue of my hormones. I can eat a healthy balanced diet and when my period comes/pcos/hormones make me break out then what?

I think that stress possibly plays a big part in your skin problems. Getting rid of the #1 cause of your stress may help enormously.

I can’t believe you don’t want to leave him, he’s so unkind.

Every time he mentions your skin, turn round and say 'shut the fuck up about my skin needle dick' every! Single! Time!

Please leave this horrible abusive man.

Sorry OP but why are you even trying to rationalise a defence to his criticism?

He wants to put you down. He wants you to feel stupid. He wants to feel that he's smarter than you.

If you didn't have an issue with your skin he would find something else to pick at you for. Just like he has done with the weight comment.

He's abusive. He's misogynistic. He's treating you with contempt so he can feel superior and in control.

Stop scratting around questioning whether he's got a point or not, and get the f away from him.

OP. Please read all of the responses that are NOT about skin care.

If you must stay with this horrible man, put a line in the sand: if he mentions your skin one more time he leaves the house for good.

But ideally, tell him to leave before that.
xx

Who cares if you don't eat a balanced meal or you use chemicals, you've asked him to stop commenting on your skin and he continues. This is a huge red flag

If it wasn't your skin, he would choose something else to bully you with.

It sounds like he is enjoying knocking down your confidence.

I think you got lots of good advice on this thread and if I were you, I would be reconsidering your relationship. What he is doing to you is not healthy.

Leave him. You’ll never look back, once the aggro of separating is over.

You deserve better. I can’t stress that enough. You deserve better.

Why do you make so many excuses for him and play down what he's doing so much? You say he's trying to help you and that he's just a very forward person but actually he's just a mean bully that doesn't care if he makes you feel bad - he even said he didn't care if he made you cry.

It's not up to him to decide what's 'for your own good' only you can decide what's right for you. Constantly telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing and obsessing over what you are and aren't doing with something as minor and superficial as your skin is controlling and weird.

He's basically not a nice person and you can't make him into a genuinely kind, helpful person when he's not.

OP if he stood in front of you waving flags and banners that said I am a nasty manipulative control freak and if your skin completely cleared up I would then be on at you about your diet would you believe him? because that is what he is actually doing now. he is showing you what a horrible person he is, every single day and yet you think somehow its down to you. Why does he stay with you when apparently he is so handsome 100 women fall at his feet? because you are the only one of them that would take this shit, that is why. manipulative men seek out women to manipulate, to have control over. In what healthy relationship do you think one person says, I try not to look at him? thats right, there isnt one. This is never ever going to stop. he is never going to be a nice person to you or the person you deserve. the longer it goes on, the less of the real you there is left. and be very aware, as your kids get older they WILL notice this, they will see whats going on and probably copy what they see as normal behaviour. dont let him destroy you. you are so much better than this.

Why on earth did you stay 8 years with someone who treats you like this?

I've always found that my skin plays up when I'm stressed, as in emotionally upset or under pressure when in a bad relationship. Like really bad, covered in huge spots across my chin and cheeks.

When I'm happy, not too stressed and in a good relationship my skin is as clear as ever.

A good skincare routine will help you if you use the right ones. Think ceramics, prebiotic and things that protect and are gentle with your skin rather than strip it (I'm looking at tea tree oil, scrubs and anything like that to avoid)

But overwhelming dump the utter nasty wanker, because I can guarantee the second you do, your skin will start to clear up. There are nice men out there. Why stick with one that's horrible to you?

I think he's crossing into domestic abuse territory with this. It reeks off gaslighting and emotional abuse. Partners don't speak like that in healthy relationships. I think you need to seriously consider whether this is someone who makes you feel good and actually supports you. Or who runs you down under the guise of "support". Do you have your own bank account? Could you leave if you wanted to?

Jesus..what are you doing with this man.He will completely destroy your self worth.Please Leave Bastard.
I dont know how you can put up with a bully like this