Partner constantly criticises my skin

[Hmommy24]

Been with my dp for 8 years & have children together. He’s a very forward person and will just tell me things how it is with no filter at all.

i have struggled with my skin since I was a teen. After having my kids it was terrible but calmed down. However every time I get my period I get hormonal acne all over my chin (usually like big boils) but then it will clear up after (but I can be left with red pigmentation).

dp constantly comments on my skin… literally every single day. His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me as he wants my skin to get better but he never gives constructive criticism or supportive criticism it’s just constant rude remarks. I’ve now become extremely insecure and ended up trying all different skincare etc and had made my skin worse so I’ve just stopped and it’s clearing up again.

everytime he comments on my skin I end up crying (I’m a very sensitive person) but he just never stops. I don’t know how often he wants to keep repeating the same things to me. There’s nothing I can really do. I tell him it’s normal acne and he says ‘it wasn’t like that before’ which my reply was ‘that’s because I haven’t had a period in 3 months!’. (I have pcos and extremely irregular periods).

he believes it’s just caused from what I eat/ sugar. I’m a size uk 4/6 and go gym throughout the week and yes I like to eat chocolate but I know that’s not what’s causing it.

tmi but I was very h*rny today (doesn’t happen too often due to my hormones) and I was really looking forward to him coming home and maybe trying it on with him. As soon as he came home and sat next to me and just looked at my skin and starts questioning my chin area - he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’. What annoyed me about this is that he has terrible skin himself! He has large scars/pores all over his face, dark pigmentation/scars everywhere including his back. I stooped low enough to try and point his own skin back to him but it just doesn’t bother him at all! He has such a huge ego that he believes he’s gorgeous.

I walked away crying and told him that all he does is make me feel like sh*t and ugly and that he’s the one person that should make me feel pretty but instead ruins my confidence. He responded by telling me I’m emotionally unstable and that it’s my coil causing it. (I have the non normal coil, me being upset about his insults is not caused by the coil!). I told him how when we’re having sex I’m going to feel insecure incase my ‘spots’ turn him off etc.

after that he told me that last statement has bothered him and now turned him off. I don’t understand why?? I was simply pointing out how i wouldn’t feel confident during sex if he keeps picking out my insecurities in my appearance.

im really frustrated and I don’t want to be crying over something so stupid when there are bigger issues in the world. Equally, I just wish my partner made me feel pretty!

OH PLEASE PLEASE GET RID OF HIM! The description vile bully was made for him.

He is abusive.

Will he say things like this to your children when they hit puberty?

I think your skin may improve by getting rid of this bully that makes you stressed & anxious daily, I doubt you even realise just how bad its affecting you because it's like the slow boiled frog.

He seems an insecure arsehole and picking on your sensitivities in the hope you'll become too insecure to go out and find someone else and be so grateful you still have him now he's convinced you that your repulsive & ugly ( your not OP) that will accept being his emotional punchbag to cheer himself up.

It's cruel bullying, there is no point continually telling someone the same thing when it's something can do nothing about and in fact he doesn't want you see GP because that may resolve the spots, but it seems he's already starting on making you feel greedy/fat even though you must be tiny. Please get away while you still can, it's only going to get worse.

I suffer from hormonal acne too. I've had the zineryt which clears the infection but then obviously every time my period comes or I ovulate I am right back to square one. If you have PCOS it's most likely that your testosterone is too high. The most effective treatment is a tablet called spironolactone, its an off licence use for a diuretic (water tablet). Studies have shown it helps 65% plus of people with hormonal acne. It does have to be prescribed privately and has to be closely monitored because it can have other side effects. There are ways to reduce your testosterone naturally through diet and supplements, you could have a Google and maybe try some of them first? I know how hard hormonal acne can be, after I had my MC I was left with a hormonal imbalance which caused terrible cystic acne. It wasn't just how bad it looked, it was so so painful every day, everytime I caught a spot by accident the pain took my breath away.

None of this is helped by your bully of a DP. You absolutely do not have to live with someone who makes you feel this way. You may find your hormone imbalance improves when you are not living in a constant state of high stress because you are walking on eggshells around a bully who makes you feel like shit.

I've dated someone like your partner OP, trust me, it's not your skin that's the problem.
If there was a magic pill that made your skin as smooth as a baby's bottom, he would find something else to critique.
Your hair, feet, toes, hands, dress sense, mannerisms, basically anything.

The crumbs he throws your way every so often are also a way of controlling you.

You then rationalise that he can't be that horrible if he sometimes says lovely things.

Other than that, anyone who calls you the B word, does not love you.

Don't let your kids grow up seeing you being treated in such a way. You're worth so much more.

OMG, he really is an arse, isn't he!!!

I havent read all posts, but have you tried giving up dairy?
My skin can tolerate hard cheese and butter. If I eat cream I get cysts that take 6 months to fully disappear, whilst leaving a red mark for a few months afterwards.

He isn't trying to help. It's emotional abuse to whittle away your self-esteem. He's a prick. Plan a new life for yourself snd the children.

re the acne. Get rx from GP for tretinoin .25% with erythromycin 4%. I get mine in a gel and keep in fridge. Use sparingly. Been using it 2x p/ w for years. It works. Make sure yo use good spf day cream and moisturize.

I’ve been with DH since I was an actual teenager with teenage acne, and during our marriage and pregnancies etc my hormones have obviously swung a lot and sometimes (especially when I’m pregnant with a girl, for some reason, or when I’m trying to wean a toddler) I have really quite bad hormonal acne. I really feel your description of the boil like spots on your chin because that’s just how it is and they’re so painful as well! But here’s how many times my DH has mentioned it : 0
There’s just no need to, is there? You know you have it. He knows you know you have it. He’s just picking on you unnecessarily when he knows it hurts and you don’t have to live like that.

Does he talk about anything other than your skin and putting you down? He is a nasty boring bully would you allow someone to talk to your child like that? Leave him before he grinds you down more

Seek the advice of a dermatologist.
Follow the advice given re treatment, diet, exercise and meditation.
Ask your P to never speak about your skin.
If he can't stop being nasty and controlling you need to make plans and leave.
You and your children are in a terrible environmen. and need to find solice else where.

I get awful hormonal acne and the only thing that clears it up is being on the Diane contraception pill.
Oh and LTB.

Used that, too. Yes, works well!

Wow. What a hateful pig of a man he is. He is nothing but scum. You deserve better. Leave him now. Today. Don't spend one more day with this venomous and hateful pig. He doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. Each day you spend with him, he is hurting you more and more. He 'gets off' on seeing you cry. He is dangerous. Get out now.

You need to leave this pig now. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for yiur children. This is not a good environment for them to be growing up on

If you had flawless skin (no-one does really) then I guarantee he would find something else to criticise you about and knock your confidence that way.

Its not really about your skin. It’s about him being a man who enjoys putting down the mother of his child. I wouldn’t waste time trying to get him to change or wondering why he is like this- he won’t change and why isn’t really relevant.

Your choices are to stay and this be your (and your child’s life) or leave.

This is the answer, you will feel much better after this.

Obviously you should leave him. I know this is terrible advice, but do it back to him. Not about his skin. I would choose either his hair, or firmness of his erection. But anything you think he might be sensitive about. Run your fingers through the back of his hair and as him if he is worried about thinning hair. Or after sex ask if he has considered taking something to make him harder. Pick your method of torture and be subtle. Don’t make it an obvious retaliation. Slowly bring it up more and more. Send him links to hair loss places or adds for viagra. Destroy his confidence. When he makes a comment and asks you to stop say I will if you will.

He's horrible. Sorry OP but that's the truth. He's not a nice guy. "I'm going to tell you the truth even if you cry" - what kind of psychotic sentence is that to leave someone's mouth. No thanks mate. You don't actually have a right to say every single thought that comes in your head when the person has been clear that they don't want to hear it.

On a side note - have you tried tretinoin? It basically cured every single skin issue I had. I haven't been able to use it the last 18 months (back to back pregnancies and you can't use it while pregnant) and I miss how lovely my skin has gotten.

Ignore my last comment, I see you've already tried that and it didn't work for you.

I've read more of the thread and saw your other comments. He really is a piece of work. It's not about your skin, your skin is just the easiest target because he knows your self conscious about it so it's the easiest route for him to wear you down to nothing. But when your skin clears up or when he's bored of that, it'll be something else. The goal is to crush your self esteem to nothing so that you believe he is doing you a favour by being with you and you will put up with anything and not stand up for yourself. Please get out of this abusive situation. Raise your children to be confident little people with good self esteem - you need to be able to model that for them and you have no chance when you're with him.

@Hmommy24

This man sounds like he’s manipulative and, tbh, abusive. To preface his comment with “I’m going to say this even if you cry”, I mean, who the F does that?

Have you heard of niacin? It’s a B vitamin. You can buy niacinamide serum (it has zinc in it too), very cheaply from Aldi and it wouldn’t surprise me if ASDA also sells it. Basically, it purges your skin, so you must use it daily, at night or morning, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s daily, or if your acne is really bad use it twice a day. It might make things worse for the first week or so, but stick with it! Because it purges the skin, it basically cleans your pores out. It will also help any scarring to fade away.

For the redness, there is a simple solution. Mix one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of turmeric in to a paste. I promise you, it won’t dye your skin! Apply it to the areas that are reddened. Leave it about 10-15 minutes, then wash it off. It doesn’t permanently get rid of the erythema for quite a while but it helps, as once washed off the redness should have gone. If you do it daily, the erythema will fade but it will take time. Otherwise, use a cheap vitamin c serum twice daily over the niacinamide one. Again, twice a day for best results. That will also work, but again, it takes time.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a remedy for your partner in my bag of goodies, but I hope you will try the skin solutions above.

If you’re lucky enough to be able to source some cheap strawberries, then you can crush them up and apply as a face mask, at night preferably as they will stain slightly but you can wash the staining off. They just stain like they do your fingers when you eat them.

You do not have to use expensive serums, just ones from Aldi or ASDA, or wherever is cheapest. If you use any serums from The Ordinary, do check how long you have to use them as some of their products, once opened , need to be used within 3 months.

A final note: people, including work colleagues and patients, always think I’m in my 30’s. I’m not. I’m well into my 50’s now. Start looking after your skin now and you will be even more fabulous then you are already are! 💐

Wtf?

Do you want your children growing up hearing their mother treated like this?

Even though the skin and now the weight thing are awful enough I bet there’s more as well.

You are not overly sensitive, you are in an abusive relationship.

I would just tell him to F off or ignore him!

Love it!

Sounds like a right dick!
You'll have zero confidence if you carry on staying with him. Kick his egotistical arse out!
You deserve so much better 💓