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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner constantly criticises my skin

219 replies

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 17:07

Been with my dp for 8 years & have children together. He’s a very forward person and will just tell me things how it is with no filter at all.

i have struggled with my skin since I was a teen. After having my kids it was terrible but calmed down. However every time I get my period I get hormonal acne all over my chin (usually like big boils) but then it will clear up after (but I can be left with red pigmentation).

dp constantly comments on my skin… literally every single day. His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me as he wants my skin to get better but he never gives constructive criticism or supportive criticism it’s just constant rude remarks. I’ve now become extremely insecure and ended up trying all different skincare etc and had made my skin worse so I’ve just stopped and it’s clearing up again.

everytime he comments on my skin I end up crying (I’m a very sensitive person) but he just never stops. I don’t know how often he wants to keep repeating the same things to me. There’s nothing I can really do. I tell him it’s normal acne and he says ‘it wasn’t like that before’ which my reply was ‘that’s because I haven’t had a period in 3 months!’. (I have pcos and extremely irregular periods).

he believes it’s just caused from what I eat/ sugar. I’m a size uk 4/6 and go gym throughout the week and yes I like to eat chocolate but I know that’s not what’s causing it.

tmi but I was very h*rny today (doesn’t happen too often due to my hormones) and I was really looking forward to him coming home and maybe trying it on with him. As soon as he came home and sat next to me and just looked at my skin and starts questioning my chin area - he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’. What annoyed me about this is that he has terrible skin himself! He has large scars/pores all over his face, dark pigmentation/scars everywhere including his back. I stooped low enough to try and point his own skin back to him but it just doesn’t bother him at all! He has such a huge ego that he believes he’s gorgeous.

I walked away crying and told him that all he does is make me feel like sh*t and ugly and that he’s the one person that should make me feel pretty but instead ruins my confidence. He responded by telling me I’m emotionally unstable and that it’s my coil causing it. (I have the non normal coil, me being upset about his insults is not caused by the coil!). I told him how when we’re having sex I’m going to feel insecure incase my ‘spots’ turn him off etc.

after that he told me that last statement has bothered him and now turned him off. I don’t understand why?? I was simply pointing out how i wouldn’t feel confident during sex if he keeps picking out my insecurities in my appearance.

im really frustrated and I don’t want to be crying over something so stupid when there are bigger issues in the world. Equally, I just wish my partner made me feel pretty!

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 08/05/2023 19:32

Your partner sounds horrible. Dump his sorry arse, he's not worth it.

On the medical side, another vote for the Dianette pill. It's an anti-androgen pill prescribed specifically to help with acne and excessive hair growth and I believe pcos is one of the indications. I has it prescribed at the start of uni and it made a huge difference. They do taper it off at slightly at some point - I'm not in the UK and I believe it was at the 40-year mark here, rather than 35, but there are follow-up medications with slightly adjusted hormonal levels. If your GP is no help can you get a gyno referral or private appointment?

CC222 · 08/05/2023 19:34

He's a horrible bully!! He knows full well if your self esteem was to blossom you'd probably realise you're far too good for him and it sounds like he's doing his best to keep your self esteem at an all time low so he can keep you where it suits him.
Is this the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your day with? And have your children learn that this is what relationships should be like?
You deserve so much better, like someone that would make you feel beautiful no matter how your skin was, because it's something that's not in your control especially if it's hormonal.
I hope you can mend your own self confidence and do what's right for you so you can feel happy and secure in yourself moving forward ♥️

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 19:46

Thanks for all your replies! Seems you were all right. It’s not just about my skin.

he just offered me some chocolate to which I replied ‘go away’ and he replied with ‘fat bitch’..

im 55kg and yet another thing to play on my mind

OP posts:
Theeaglesoared · 08/05/2023 19:47

I'm gobsmacked that people are giving skin care advice. This is not about OP's skin! This is about a man treating his wife like shit and their children presumably witnessing it.

unsync · 08/05/2023 19:50

He sounds awful, why are you with him?

skitt · 08/05/2023 19:51

Dermatologist and divorce lawyer

WhatInFreshHell · 08/05/2023 19:53

Get rid of him now OP. You need a Twatectomy...

Trixiedrum · 08/05/2023 19:54

This is grim, you shouldn’t stand for it, no-one should be treated this way. What a disgusting example for your children to grow up with, adults treating people they supposedly love like dirt.

Probably best splitting up with him, I’d start planning.

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 08/05/2023 19:56

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 17:07

Been with my dp for 8 years & have children together. He’s a very forward person and will just tell me things how it is with no filter at all.

i have struggled with my skin since I was a teen. After having my kids it was terrible but calmed down. However every time I get my period I get hormonal acne all over my chin (usually like big boils) but then it will clear up after (but I can be left with red pigmentation).

dp constantly comments on my skin… literally every single day. His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me as he wants my skin to get better but he never gives constructive criticism or supportive criticism it’s just constant rude remarks. I’ve now become extremely insecure and ended up trying all different skincare etc and had made my skin worse so I’ve just stopped and it’s clearing up again.

everytime he comments on my skin I end up crying (I’m a very sensitive person) but he just never stops. I don’t know how often he wants to keep repeating the same things to me. There’s nothing I can really do. I tell him it’s normal acne and he says ‘it wasn’t like that before’ which my reply was ‘that’s because I haven’t had a period in 3 months!’. (I have pcos and extremely irregular periods).

he believes it’s just caused from what I eat/ sugar. I’m a size uk 4/6 and go gym throughout the week and yes I like to eat chocolate but I know that’s not what’s causing it.

tmi but I was very h*rny today (doesn’t happen too often due to my hormones) and I was really looking forward to him coming home and maybe trying it on with him. As soon as he came home and sat next to me and just looked at my skin and starts questioning my chin area - he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’. What annoyed me about this is that he has terrible skin himself! He has large scars/pores all over his face, dark pigmentation/scars everywhere including his back. I stooped low enough to try and point his own skin back to him but it just doesn’t bother him at all! He has such a huge ego that he believes he’s gorgeous.

I walked away crying and told him that all he does is make me feel like sh*t and ugly and that he’s the one person that should make me feel pretty but instead ruins my confidence. He responded by telling me I’m emotionally unstable and that it’s my coil causing it. (I have the non normal coil, me being upset about his insults is not caused by the coil!). I told him how when we’re having sex I’m going to feel insecure incase my ‘spots’ turn him off etc.

after that he told me that last statement has bothered him and now turned him off. I don’t understand why?? I was simply pointing out how i wouldn’t feel confident during sex if he keeps picking out my insecurities in my appearance.

im really frustrated and I don’t want to be crying over something so stupid when there are bigger issues in the world. Equally, I just wish my partner made me feel pretty!

I cant even imagine my partner saying this to me, that’s horrible.

JobChangeSoonPlease · 08/05/2023 19:57

Have you tried the Yasmin pill? Apparently it is good at clearing up the skin. I've suffered hormonal acne myself all my life which went mental around the age of 44. Started HRT and my skin is better than ever. Wish I'd gone on Yasmin as an adult. Worth asking your Gp.

LucyLoopyLu · 08/05/2023 19:58

This is horrible. I'm so sorry he does this to you.

I really struggle with my skin (severe hormonal acne) and my husband literally never mentions it. Ever. He literally never treats me any differently whether my skin is better or worse. When I get upset about it he comforts me, says it's not that bad, I don't look ugly. He supports me with anything I want to do about it.

No one is expecting your OH to be perfect but it honestly sounds like he's being deliberately cruel, and doing this on purpose to squash your self esteem.

CC222 · 08/05/2023 19:59

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 19:46

Thanks for all your replies! Seems you were all right. It’s not just about my skin.

he just offered me some chocolate to which I replied ‘go away’ and he replied with ‘fat bitch’..

im 55kg and yet another thing to play on my mind

This is verbal and emotional abuse. He won't change...x

slowquickstep · 08/05/2023 20:01

Stop and listen to yourself. You know he is a bully. you know he loves to make you cry yet you believe he is so gorgeous he has women throwing themselves at him every day ! Please please find your self respect and do the right thing for your self andyour children and throw the trash out.

BreatheAndFocus · 08/05/2023 20:03

He sounds absolutely horrible! I bet you’re a nice, kind, sensitive person. Some people actively search out nice people like you, not because they admire them but because they can manipulate them and destroy their confidence and self-esteem, all under the guise of ‘helping’ them. He sees you as inferior and probably takes pleasure in hurting you.

I think you should leave him, and tell him it’s because you find him physically repulsive. Yes, that’s tit for tat but he sounds arrogant enough that it might upset him, and he deserves it.

monsteramunch · 08/05/2023 20:03

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 19:46

Thanks for all your replies! Seems you were all right. It’s not just about my skin.

he just offered me some chocolate to which I replied ‘go away’ and he replied with ‘fat bitch’..

im 55kg and yet another thing to play on my mind

You're in an abusive relationship OP.

If you do go to the GP about your skin, please please tell them about the way your partner speaks to you and how it is affecting your self confidence and mental health.

You don't seem to realise how bad it is as I think you've become a little numb to it.

He's verbally and emotionally abusive. A horrible, nasty bully.

You deserve better than a life with a man like that Flowers

Irridescantshimmmer · 08/05/2023 20:04

He's the biggest zit you've had to deal with and I'm sure there is no chemist out there who has come up with a solution to disolve him yet.

EndsandBegins · 08/05/2023 20:06

What a horrible man. It is not normal for a partner to criticise your skin nor is it normal for them to call you a ‘fat bitch.’ I don’t know what is wrong with him but I don’t see how you can live with that.

existentialpain · 08/05/2023 20:07

He's an emotional bully. This is emotional abuse. He isn't trying to help you at all, he is wearing you down. That's abuse.

Hotfootgoose · 08/05/2023 20:07

Hmommy24 · 08/05/2023 17:29

I used to think that he was picking on my flaws because of his own insecurities, but honestly he actually isn’t. He really isn’t bothered if I were to criticise his own skin back.

I would agree to say ‘he knows he’s not gods gift’ but the annoying part of it is that he’s quite a great looking guy with an amazing physique and women literally throw themselves at him everyday. So he knows he’s good looking, what does my opinions matter when there are 100 other women that think he’s extremely attractive?

he believes he’s ‘helping me’ as my partner by telling me the truth. Yes I appreciate that, but I think there are much better ways to tell me the truth and support me without insulting or making me feel like rubbish…

He doesn’t believe he is helping you, he is actively trying to crush your self esteem

cannaecookrisotto · 08/05/2023 20:07

Every time he gets his widge out, start commenting on it. Ask him why it's looking a bit small, it never used to look small. Ask him why it's shrinking.

cannaecookrisotto · 08/05/2023 20:08

Then bin the whole man.

Bassetlover · 08/05/2023 20:09

Once your skin clears up I can guarantee he'll find another thing to abuse and bully you about. He's a nasty prick.

minipie · 08/05/2023 20:09

Jesus what an arsehole. I have been with my DH for over 20 years and have had acne the entire time. He knows I hate it and he has never ONCE mentioned it.

By the way my treatment suggestions, before trying Roaccutane again, would be:

  • Epiduo (prescription only but GP can prescribe)
  • Dianette pill
  • Spironolactone
minipie · 08/05/2023 20:10

And of course he doesn’t think he’s helping you. You own a mirror. You do not need him to tell you how your skin looks. He is trying to neg you.

Boomshock · 08/05/2023 20:13

Theeaglesoared · 08/05/2023 19:47

I'm gobsmacked that people are giving skin care advice. This is not about OP's skin! This is about a man treating his wife like shit and their children presumably witnessing it.

She asked though. I found it so painful when I had those kind of spots.

Nobody is giving her skincare advice to please the partner, he quite clearly is a scumbag and she shouldn't be with him.