Partner constantly criticises my skin

[Hmommy24]

Been with my dp for 8 years & have children together. He’s a very forward person and will just tell me things how it is with no filter at all.

i have struggled with my skin since I was a teen. After having my kids it was terrible but calmed down. However every time I get my period I get hormonal acne all over my chin (usually like big boils) but then it will clear up after (but I can be left with red pigmentation).

dp constantly comments on my skin… literally every single day. His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me as he wants my skin to get better but he never gives constructive criticism or supportive criticism it’s just constant rude remarks. I’ve now become extremely insecure and ended up trying all different skincare etc and had made my skin worse so I’ve just stopped and it’s clearing up again.

everytime he comments on my skin I end up crying (I’m a very sensitive person) but he just never stops. I don’t know how often he wants to keep repeating the same things to me. There’s nothing I can really do. I tell him it’s normal acne and he says ‘it wasn’t like that before’ which my reply was ‘that’s because I haven’t had a period in 3 months!’. (I have pcos and extremely irregular periods).

he believes it’s just caused from what I eat/ sugar. I’m a size uk 4/6 and go gym throughout the week and yes I like to eat chocolate but I know that’s not what’s causing it.

tmi but I was very h*rny today (doesn’t happen too often due to my hormones) and I was really looking forward to him coming home and maybe trying it on with him. As soon as he came home and sat next to me and just looked at my skin and starts questioning my chin area - he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’. What annoyed me about this is that he has terrible skin himself! He has large scars/pores all over his face, dark pigmentation/scars everywhere including his back. I stooped low enough to try and point his own skin back to him but it just doesn’t bother him at all! He has such a huge ego that he believes he’s gorgeous.

I walked away crying and told him that all he does is make me feel like sh*t and ugly and that he’s the one person that should make me feel pretty but instead ruins my confidence. He responded by telling me I’m emotionally unstable and that it’s my coil causing it. (I have the non normal coil, me being upset about his insults is not caused by the coil!). I told him how when we’re having sex I’m going to feel insecure incase my ‘spots’ turn him off etc.

after that he told me that last statement has bothered him and now turned him off. I don’t understand why?? I was simply pointing out how i wouldn’t feel confident during sex if he keeps picking out my insecurities in my appearance.

im really frustrated and I don’t want to be crying over something so stupid when there are bigger issues in the world. Equally, I just wish my partner made me feel pretty!

You know the answer deep down - leave him. He is behaving awfully. Life is too short to be belittled, spoken down to, mansplained to and bullied. You could have an alternative life of peace and quiet - or even(!) a nicer partner! And if other women throw themselves at him, they’re welcome to him. Let someone as shallow as him have him; he’s horrid.

He enjoys making you cry. What a twat. You deserve better.

Oh OP. Throw this twat back. If it wasn’t your skin it would be something else he would be unkind about.
x

Ask him if he would be happy for you to quote him publicly. For instance on Facebook would he be happy if you posted all his comments about your skin, would he think that everyone would see that as perfectly normal behaviour? No, everyone would think he was a bully and a cunt, because he is. Please get rid op. You sound like such a lovely person. You deserve so much better.

When I told him ‘I should be with someone that makes me feel pretty not ugly’ he got mad and told me that I had said ‘I will get with someone else’??? They are very different sentences. I told him he only likes to hear himself and believe what he wants

Exactly this. Get shot of him. I had Rosacea for years - I’m struggling to understand how a so-called partner can be this cruel.

I was treated by a dermatologist as a teen which really helped my skin but the side effects were horrible and I don’t think I could go through that again.

my skin honestly isn’t that bad now, which is why I’m kind of hoping I could naturally help it rather than using any medication.

however, every time he makes a comment I get pushed closer to thinking of going to the gp about it. Funny part is that he wouldn’t want me to be on medication for my skin as he believes I should fix myself naturally first.

i may consider going to the gp but I hear so many stories that acne comes back after medication is stopped? As clearly it’s my hormones that are the issue and I don’t know how I can fix that??

That's horrendous, OP. I could not take such criticism from my partner, and I think I would seriously consider leaving him in your situation. You don't deserve this.

If you are interested in something for your skin, however, I have found that duac cream is the only thing that works for me when I have hormonal acne. You have to get it on prescription from the GP but it's like magic, always clears me up.

He's a twat OP.

What annoyed me about this is that he has terrible skin himself! He has large scars/pores all over his face, dark pigmentation/scars everywhere including his back. I stooped low enough to try and point his own skin back to him but it just doesn’t bother him at all! He has such a huge ego that he believes he’s gorgeous.

He might have a large ego, but he also might think you are failing your duty as a woman. It's massive double standards.

I'm not recommending this for him, I'm recommending this for you, but make sure you're drinking at least 1 litre of pure water a day, and try this -

https://www.gladskin.co.uk/products/acne-gel

It's very expensive but I'd start using it as soon as you sense your skin flaring up. I know someone it worked for who had terrible deep acne, so it might be worth a try.

This isn’t really about your skin.

His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me as he wants my skin to get better
Of course they're not 🙄. How does he think remarking on your skin will have any impact at all, positive or otherwise? He's being a dick.

When I told him ‘I should be with someone that makes me feel pretty not ugly’ he got mad and told me that I had said ‘I will get with someone else’???

That's gaslighting.

Excellent post.

“”When I told him ‘I should be with someone that makes me feel pretty not ugly’ he got mad and told me that I had said ‘I will get with someone else’??? They are very different sentences. I told him he only likes to hear himself and believe what he wants””

He sounds exhausting. I would suggest stop trying to explain to him that he’s being a twat. He knows he is being a twat. He enjoys being a twat. He enjoys twisting your words, gaslighting and confusing you. He’s repulsive. Time to move on. X

Forget treatments for your skin for the moment. It seems your main problem is that you’re with someone who enjoys putting you down and making you feel shit. There’s a simple treatment for that - get rid of him.

he believes he’s ‘helping me’ as my partner by telling me the truth

He doesn't need to go on about it every day though, does he. He's not helping, he's pointing out something he doesn't like about you every day.

I just find it strange because my skin is not that bad,

Ah. In that case he wants you to feel insecure. That's all that this is about.

As PP said, this really isn't about your skin

I’m naturally extremely sensitive/emotional (have been since a kid!) but I don’t go around crying for no reason. The only time I ever cry is around him, to the point that the smallest thing makes me cry now.

I also haven’t always been this insecure. I might not show it but I’m really insecure now and it’s getting worse to the point I dislike myself. I constantly feel not good enough.

He sounds utterly horrible. Does he ever say anything kind? I have awful skin and after 2 children I am no longer in such good shape but my dh never says anything other than 'You are beautiful' or if I am moaning about my skin 'Well, I think you are beautiful'. Please leave this arsehole and find someone who loves you just as you are.

honestly, he doesn’t even have to speak. It’s gotten to the stage now where all he has to do is look at my face and I instantly know what he’s thinking without him speaking and I’ll walk away upset.

He has literally trained you to feel shit about yourself. Think about that.

He's making you insecure on purpose, he's not helping, you know what's causing it and doing your best to control it, when you love someone small skin imperfections doesn't bother you. I don't believe women are throwing themselves at him either, that's yet another tactic to make you insecure.

I would go to the gp, for yourself don't listen to him to treat it naturally, not sure how old you are, but I was early 30s before my hormones calmed down and definitely needed prescription to treat it.

He sounds horrible, I’ve suffered with my skin my whole life and had hormonal spots until recently and still get them from time to time (despite being 53!). I’ve been with my DH 25 years, he has really good skin. Not once in all that time has he even commented on my skin. I think it’s really unkind of your ‘D’ P, what exactly does he think him criticising you going to do? Make your skin miraculously clear up! He just sounds awful

OP how is he possibly helping by telling you what you already know about your skin? It sounds like he has discovered your Achilles heel and is using it to hurt you.

I used to have we terrible acne. My GP prescribed a (contraceptive) pill called Dianette which worked a treat! If it’s bothering YOU perhaps have a chat with your doctor? Take a photo of it as it may not be there when you manage to get an appointment.

I’m guessing this isn’t the only mean thing he says/does to you. How awful to be ok with making his partner cry!

dp constantly comments on my skin… literally every single day. His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me

He knows this is not helpful though @Hmommy24 , you're already doing all you can that's evidence based really. It's verbal abuse.

PCOS often causes acne, it's unlikely to be due to you having chocolate sometimes. Some of us just have acne.

What a life. Do you really want to spend the rest of your time on this earth being treated like dirt? He is a horrible, abusive bully. You deserve to be with someone who will love you, cherish you, and make you feel wonderful. Not this pathetic excuse for a man. Do you want to live like this for the next 5, 10, 15 years? You will be ground down relentlessly. Please find the courage to leave (or kick him out).

No! This was one of my comments I made back to him. I asked why he never says anything nice about me it’s always just criticism?

although he tells me he loves me most days, that I’m the best partner/mother etc he never goes out of his way to tell me I’m beautiful or look pretty etc. he did rub my leg earlier and tell me I had good skin randomly (talking about the skin on my legs). The very odd time he’d tell me I look ‘cute’ but that’s only when I’ve dressed/looked the way he likes me to look.

strangely though, for my birthday he wrote so many nice things about me being great mother/partner and a beautiful light in his life etc. (more personal traits rather than physical)