Partner constantly criticises my skin

[Hmommy24]

Been with my dp for 8 years & have children together. He’s a very forward person and will just tell me things how it is with no filter at all.

i have struggled with my skin since I was a teen. After having my kids it was terrible but calmed down. However every time I get my period I get hormonal acne all over my chin (usually like big boils) but then it will clear up after (but I can be left with red pigmentation).

dp constantly comments on my skin… literally every single day. His intentions are obviously to ‘help’ me as he wants my skin to get better but he never gives constructive criticism or supportive criticism it’s just constant rude remarks. I’ve now become extremely insecure and ended up trying all different skincare etc and had made my skin worse so I’ve just stopped and it’s clearing up again.

everytime he comments on my skin I end up crying (I’m a very sensitive person) but he just never stops. I don’t know how often he wants to keep repeating the same things to me. There’s nothing I can really do. I tell him it’s normal acne and he says ‘it wasn’t like that before’ which my reply was ‘that’s because I haven’t had a period in 3 months!’. (I have pcos and extremely irregular periods).

he believes it’s just caused from what I eat/ sugar. I’m a size uk 4/6 and go gym throughout the week and yes I like to eat chocolate but I know that’s not what’s causing it.

tmi but I was very h*rny today (doesn’t happen too often due to my hormones) and I was really looking forward to him coming home and maybe trying it on with him. As soon as he came home and sat next to me and just looked at my skin and starts questioning my chin area - he even said ‘I’m just going to be honest even if you cry’. What annoyed me about this is that he has terrible skin himself! He has large scars/pores all over his face, dark pigmentation/scars everywhere including his back. I stooped low enough to try and point his own skin back to him but it just doesn’t bother him at all! He has such a huge ego that he believes he’s gorgeous.

I walked away crying and told him that all he does is make me feel like sh*t and ugly and that he’s the one person that should make me feel pretty but instead ruins my confidence. He responded by telling me I’m emotionally unstable and that it’s my coil causing it. (I have the non normal coil, me being upset about his insults is not caused by the coil!). I told him how when we’re having sex I’m going to feel insecure incase my ‘spots’ turn him off etc.

after that he told me that last statement has bothered him and now turned him off. I don’t understand why?? I was simply pointing out how i wouldn’t feel confident during sex if he keeps picking out my insecurities in my appearance.

im really frustrated and I don’t want to be crying over something so stupid when there are bigger issues in the world. Equally, I just wish my partner made me feel pretty!

if anyone else has any recommendations I’d be very greatful!

My recommendation? Dump this vile wanker so fast it makes his head spin.

He is ABUSIVE and a bully. He doesn't care if he makes you cry.

He's supposed to love you more than anyone else, but all he wants to do is put you down.

FUCK THST SHIT. He's horrible.

You and your dc deserve so much more.

I agree with the poster above this isn't about your skin, your partner is being incredibly mean. I am 43 and have suffered with bad skin on and off (mild to severe acne at different times) since early teens, and anybody mentioning it really really gets me down. And I'm sick of people telling me to quit sugar or dairy! It's hormonal for me too. My DH never ever ever mentions my skin as he knows how it makes me feel. Your partner is being unbelievably cruel and you can do so much better and you're worth more. I totally understand, in my early 20s I would cancel nights out if my skin was bad as I couldn't face people. I also cancelled a job interview.

I'm presuming you're like me and have tried everything, but just in case you haven't tried these methods here are a few that worked for me:-

• you sound similar to me and I find a basic skincare routine is much better (no fancy products or chemicals)
• have you tried antibiotics? I take lymecycline for a couple of months at a time on and off. Not a miracle cure but helps a fair bit.
• have you been on the contraceptive pill, may also help with PCOS? If you're under 35 you can take Dianete which was a wonder drug for me. Unfortunately when I came off it my skin was at its worst for about a year.

I hope you find something to help with your skin, and I hope you get rid of this waste of space partner!

I always thought my acne was hormonal but it turns out that as I've got older it's Rosacea but that one of the triggers is hormones so not quite the same thing and it needs different treatment. Hopefully you can get to see a dermatologist and get something to help

if anyone else has any recommendations I’d be very greatful!

Yes I have a recommendation. Get rid of that nasty horrible little shit who is supposed to be your DP. You will probably find that your skin improves no end after all the stress is removed from your life.

You deserve better than him.

I'm so sorry you're being made to feel so low and insecure. He sounds like a really vile person and seems to get a kick out of making you feel this way. How do you know other women throw themselves at him everyday - does he tell you this? It's very unlikely to be true, he's trying to make you more insecure.

My skin sounds extremely similar to yours and I've always had insecurities about it, it really gets me down at times. In comparison to your comparison, my husband would never say anything negative about my skin. I regularly say to him how unconfident I feel and I think it looks horrible and he always tells me it doesn't look horrible, it's not as bad as I think, it would be fine to go out without makeup covering it up, and tries to give me a confidence boost. That's how someone who loves you should respond.

Look up emotional abuse and see if you can relate. I know it's hard but think if you want a lifetime of being made to feel like this. And consider if he would ever make your child feel so low in self esteem too.

Have you tried these?
They won't get rid of them, well I doubt it because the hormonal ones tend to be so far under the skin so they didn't help with mine, but they stopped me from picking at my spots when I had a period of hormonal acne on my chin and they are practically invisible on the skin but really help to cover the spot.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08TMHW1RQ/ref=twister_B0C3QPJ9ZX?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

If you're trying harsh products on your skin then this is great, some people say it helps with acne too.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cosrx-Advanced-Snail-Mucin-Essence/dp/B00PBX3L7K/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

And your partner is an absolute cunt, and should be your ex!

OP has ignored all mention of leaving which means she’ll stay and continue to tolerate his bullying. Sad all round really.

You've said your skin isn't even that bad rn. It's not about the state of your skin. He uses it because he knows you are sensitive about it.
A) ignore it. Just ignore it or say 'yeahiknow'.
B) leave. He's got issues. He used this to control you.
C) leave
D) leave

I have been in a very similar situation OP. He ended up cheating on me and blaming it on my skin! Anyway. The skin and him are two seperate issues. You may find once you leave him that you are less stressed. And also I am not saying that your skin is not something to seek medical advice over but you may find he is just making you feel worse than it actually is

What a bastard.

I really don't think the answer to this is finding a cure for your skin condition - that is a completely seperate subject albeit the one he is using to control you and humiliate you

What a nasty piece of shit. He's not being insensitive, OP - he's being deliberately vicious and cruel. There's a difference.

He's a prick and you deserve better.

What he's doing is a form of emotional abuse called 'negging'. It is designed to crush your self esteem so that you'll do anything to get his approval. Here's an article about it (the bit about offering 'constructive criticism' sounds exactly like him offering 'helpful advice' about your skin problems).

www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a39439243/negging-meaning/

You deserve so much better 💐

He is making your skin worse by causing you so much stress and upset :(

This appears to be about your skin

But its nothing to do with your skin - he would pick on something else if your skin was perfect

You are enabling a bully to continue to bully you. Sorry if that seems harsh, but its true

Please stop enabling him

He is a HORRIBLE man

I've read a lot of shitty behaviour on Mumsnet but I honestly think this might be one of the most heartbreaking. My skin isn't great, and has definitely gone through periods where it's worse that others, so I never leave the house without foundation, but my husband has always said how I look incredible without makeup and wish I could see it. The people who love you are supposed to make you feel like a queen, not rip you apart. You need to leave, for your sake, for you DC sakes. If he can talk to you like this, imagine what he will do to your DC self esteem when they have normal hormonal acne.

This isn't just a turn of phrase, reading your post honestly made me feel sick to my stomach. What a vile piece of work xx

What's in this relationship for you @Hmommy24? I mean, you've told us the bad side, and it's pretty fucking shit, so he must be a fucking billionaire for the trade-off to be worth it surely?

My DP has physical flaws, as do I. We both know they exist, but we don't mention them because we'd quite like to keep sleeping with each other, and who wants to sleep with someone you feel insecure around.

This is a man who is meant to be building you up, and yet instead he's dedicated himself to tearing you down, presumably so that you become so insecure that you think that you'll never find someone else, someone better.

If the only thing you've learnt from this thread is to see the GP, then you've learnt the wrong lesson. You'd be far better off getting a husband-ectomoy.

Thats great, but I don't think its your skin that's the main issue, the insensitive arsehole you are living with is the real problem.

The GP doesn't need to cure you; your problem is your arsehole partner. He's not trying to help you, he's belittling you. And you won't see it.

Good luck to you.

I think this insignificant little man gets a buzz from being a prick and putting you down - personally I would let one of these 100s of women throwing themselves at him get in there and find yourself a proper partner who treats you a lot nicer -

He sounds awful op. It sounds like he builds you up by telling you he loves you, writes lovely thing to you, to give him the opportunity to tear you down again so he can see you cry. Quite honestly I'd see a solicitor rather than a gp. You've said yourself on several occasions your skin isn't that bad. Believe yourself

I've put on nearly 5 stone since meeting my dh due to various medial issues and menopause and the only thing he ever says is that I'm gorgeous, he doesn't care about how much I weigh, his only concern is my health but he fancies me all the same. I honestly don't believe him, how could he, but if he said anything negative I'd be destroyed.

You dh isn't kind, he's enjoying your upset. That's not the actions of someone who cares about you. This is his problem not yours to solve

The only useful advice you need, and have received on here, is get rid of him! He will see you go to the Dr and think his "helpful advice" is needed! Get rid of him, then look at your skin!

Jesus. Just get rid of him. The person you love should make you feel loved and confident. Life is too short for this nonsense. Honestly not all men are like this. It's him, not you. He's a prick

My skin isn't the best, I've suffered with hormonal acne all of my adult life. My partner has never mentioned it, not once, because he knows its something im self conscious about and he isn't a disrespectful arshehole. You need to get shot of this guy.

Also, you're skin is not the issue here, he sounds mean and controlling.