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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband strangled me last night.

372 replies

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:07

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

OP posts:
MayBeeJuneSoon · 08/05/2023 14:09

You said yourself.....it's ESCALATING

get out....call women's aid today

Statistics haven't change over the years, it's still 2 deaths a week I believe!

Ilikewinter · 08/05/2023 14:10

No you are not being silly and yes this is escalating. Speaking from experience, each time is worse than the last. Please have the courage to leave him OP. Do you have children? Is there anyone in RL you can speak to?

StandUpForYourRights · 08/05/2023 14:10

I think you know the answer to this don't you 😞

Do you have any DC?

Hbh17 · 08/05/2023 14:10

It will get worse and you are at risk.
Please contact Women's Aid urgently.

Trixiedrum · 08/05/2023 14:10

That’s profoundly worrying OP, I’m so sorry that you’re in this position.

There is a real chance that he could kill you if you stay with him, he’s dangerous. Please get advice and leave as quickly as possible before worse happens.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

NewtonsCradle · 08/05/2023 14:10

If you leave it will be a one time thing. If you decide to stay; have a bag packed with all your important documents and essentials. Find places you can stay that are away from him so when you're ready you know where to go.

eloquent · 08/05/2023 14:10

Leave. Today. He will kill you.

MayBeeJuneSoon · 08/05/2023 14:11

What made him stop op?

Motherofalittledragon · 08/05/2023 14:11

You need to leave, the violence is getting worse next time he could kill you. He is a horrible man run from him as fast as you can.

BishopRock · 08/05/2023 14:11

You must leave, there's a high likelihood he'll kill you now that he's strangled you.

HairyFarnbarn · 08/05/2023 14:12

Please please please leave.

he will kill you.

pineapple19 · 08/05/2023 14:12

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:07

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

Oh, OP. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.

I think in situations like this, it's never a 'one-off'. However, even if it never happened again, it's happened one too many times. You do not deserve that. My advice would be to seek support from family and friends and create an exit strategy.

If you let this slide, it tells him that he can physically assault you with no consequences. Don't let him think you have no self-respect. You are strong and you do not put up with that shit from a man EVER.

I hope you can find the strength to leave. Do you have children?

OrlandointheWilderness · 08/05/2023 14:12

Every authority there is views strangling as very serious, and a massive red flag as it generally is a precursor to a partner killing. It is incredibly easy to kill someone by strangling.

Grapefruittea · 08/05/2023 14:13

My ex drunk heavily. We'd get into heated arguments and he'd push me up against walls grab my face and throat and drag me out of bed. I always thought it was my fault for pushing him so far during arguments... he never apologised for anything and still hasn't to this day. He just says it never happened and I am a nutcase. Two years away from him and I now see clearly he is physically and mentally abusive... to everyone else they think he is the nicest thing since sliced bread. Please leave this man, do not waste your life waiting for these situations to keep happening... he has no respect for himself and no respect for you at all. We still co parent and he still threatens me and talks to me like shit... but i am so glad my child and I don't have to put up with this every day!

TheShellBeach · 08/05/2023 14:13

Men who do this are the most dangerous.
The next incident will be worse.
I wouldn't stick around to find out.
You need to make plans to leave, OP.
Can you contact Women's Aid?
Would you report yesterday's assault to the police?

CandyLeBonBon · 08/05/2023 14:14

You're like the boiling frog op. He showed you who he is years ago. Pushing people over is NOT normal, or excusable. You need to end it and give a clear message his behaviour will not be tolerated. Get a non mol if necessary. I'm so sorry

Baldieheid · 08/05/2023 14:14

Get the heck out of there immediately. Stop making excuses for a man who tried to kill you.

YouBoggleMyMind · 08/05/2023 14:16

Leave. This won't stop.

Pallisers · 08/05/2023 14:18

OrlandointheWilderness · 08/05/2023 14:12

Every authority there is views strangling as very serious, and a massive red flag as it generally is a precursor to a partner killing. It is incredibly easy to kill someone by strangling.

This. OP, you are in physical danger. Strangling you is so so dangerous. He could murder you. this is escalating at a gallop. What do you think will happen next time he gets in a drunken rage?

Call the police this morning and ask to speak to someone urgently. Call women's aid. tell someone in real life.

And if he was sorry, he would move out. Because he would be terrified that he could actually hurt or kill the person he loves.

Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:18

I know I have to leave him. It's the only way! I don't want my children to think it's acceptable at all. I cant trust him now I know that. What will happen next time. I was scared I was literally begging and crying all this happened in a taxi 😔

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 08/05/2023 14:18

If it is a one time thing, it is likely to get worse. He may not strangle you but he may beat you, kick you, until you are dead. So yeah, it may be one time thing until the very last time

pineapple19 · 08/05/2023 14:19

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:18

I know I have to leave him. It's the only way! I don't want my children to think it's acceptable at all. I cant trust him now I know that. What will happen next time. I was scared I was literally begging and crying all this happened in a taxi 😔

If it happened in a taxi then the driver was a witness? You need to be contacting the police really, like now.

tribpot · 08/05/2023 14:20

This is what Women's Aid said when the UK introduced a new offence of non-fatal strangulation last year:

We know that strangulation is a highly dangerous and common feature of countless domestic abuse cases. It is used as a tool to exert power and control and instil fear, and also indicates that the survivor is at high risk of serious injury or homicide, and should therefore be treated with extreme seriousness.

The violence is escalating and the drinking is escalating.

Cattenberg · 08/05/2023 14:21

Can you call the police without him overhearing? I think you need to report this, especially as you have children to protect. Did the taxi-driver realise what was happening?

Also, the police should help you leave safely. This man is dangerous.

Tessabelle74 · 08/05/2023 14:22

Leave. Today. Do NOT excuse his behaviour. Do NOT forgive him. Would you live with or forgive a stranger that strangled you in the street? No.

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