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Original poster

Husband doesn't want to go on holiday with my family

242 replies

Domino90 · 29/04/2023 14:54

My husband is reluctant to agree to coming on a holiday with my side of the family (my parents, siblings and their families).

It would be totally paid for by my parents, and would be 5 days over a weekend (meaning we'd both have to take around 3 days of annual leave). My husband has 25 days of annual leave each year.

I've told him it's important to me that we both go, because it's a time for him to get to know my family better in a relaxed way.

We were given lots of notice about the dates.

He gets on well with my siblings when he sees them, and he says he likes my family

He is reluctant to go though, and won't commit to asking for the time off. He sighs when I mention it.

This makes me sad, because my family is important. I also feel he should agree, and just go along with it (even though he may rather be doing something else). Am I being reasonable?

OP posts:
BIWI · 29/04/2023 14:56

YABU. I loved my parents-in-law dearly, but would have hated going on holiday with them. They had completely different ideas about what a holiday would be like.

You are happy to go along with it, as it's your family, but you can't insist that your husband goes as well if he doesn't want to.

moggerhanger · 29/04/2023 14:57

Have you asked him why?

TrueScrumptious · 29/04/2023 14:58

I don’t think going on holiday is the right place to get to know someone…not if you want them to get on afterwards. Not many people go on holiday with their “own”family, so I can see going away with your in-laws might not appeal. Do you get your own accommodation? That would make a difference to me.

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 29/04/2023 14:59

I'm with your dh. No matter how nice they are, 5 days of forced interaction with a huge group is my idea of hell.

drpet49 · 29/04/2023 14:59

I wouldn’t say no to a free holiday. Weird he is being like this when he says he likes your family.

maranella · 29/04/2023 15:00

I feel there may be more to this than you're saying, but if there genuinely isn't then your DH is being unreasonable. In most families, there are times when you need to spend a few days with your ILs and unless they're unpleasant/toxic/abusive, it's just part and parcel of two families being joined by marriage. Is your DH always so selfish? Does he expect you to spend time with his family? What are his specific objections?

SecretVictoria · 29/04/2023 15:00

I couldn’t think of anything worse. Never understood people who go away in big family groups. My idea of hell.

GoodChat · 29/04/2023 15:01

This is my DP's idea of hell. He loves my parents but he'd feel really uncomfortable and out of place on a 5 day holiday with them and all my siblings.

MyLifeIsFullOfLemons · 29/04/2023 15:01

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 29/04/2023 14:59

I'm with your dh. No matter how nice they are, 5 days of forced interaction with a huge group is my idea of hell.

I agree.

Gettingbysomehow · 29/04/2023 15:02

I'd have left home if my ex husband had made me go on holiday with his parents. I couldn't possibly imagine anything worse.
I won't even go on holiday with my own parents.

Hbh17 · 29/04/2023 15:02

Your husband is completely right. A holiday should be a time to relax, not to be forced into socialising with a bunch of relatives. It sounds ghastly, and many people would rather chop off their own arm than do it! Leave him alone, and let him have a quiet week on his own, or you pull out of the family trip and the two of you can go somewhere nice together.

ZekeZeke · 29/04/2023 15:02

YABU
Go yourself? Leave your DH home.

Hbh17 · 29/04/2023 15:04

Also, many people wouldn't want to feel beholden to the parents/in laws who are paying. Even "free" holidays have a cost, and the dynamic could be extremely awkward.

Boomboom22 · 29/04/2023 15:04

Sounds absolutely awful and I've no idea why you would expect hom to go.

RagzRebooted · 29/04/2023 15:05

YABU. I went on a long weekend holiday with DH's family and I wouldn't repeat it. I wouldn't go on holiday with my own extended family either! I like small, 'my family' holidays that I'm in charge of.

Mari9999 · 29/04/2023 15:06

OP his reasons for not wanting to go may be as important to him as your desire for him to go is tio you.

If he regularly gets along with your family, it should not be a major issue for him to opt out of this particular opportunity. His choosing not to go , should not prohibit you from spending time with your family. You should go and enjoy yourself.

tribpot · 29/04/2023 15:10

Can you go for a shorter period of time? Like just an overnight? As you can see from this thread, lots of people don't want to spend holiday time with people who might have very different ideas about socialising and relaxing. Even more so if it's paid for by the in-laws and thus there is an expectation that you will do what they want. I definitely wouldn't want to do this and I've known (and got on with) my in-laws for nearly 20 years.

mischlerischler · 29/04/2023 15:12

YABU.

I tried vacationing with my ILs and it was honestly miserable. We get on fine otherwise, but honestly, I would never do it again.

I also think it's a lot of pressure on your DP if he doesn't know them that well. You can still go without him.

I wouldn't force him to join if he doesn't feel like it.

readbooksdrinktea · 29/04/2023 15:12

YABU. Five days is a long time.

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2023 15:15

maranella · 29/04/2023 15:00

I feel there may be more to this than you're saying, but if there genuinely isn't then your DH is being unreasonable. In most families, there are times when you need to spend a few days with your ILs and unless they're unpleasant/toxic/abusive, it's just part and parcel of two families being joined by marriage. Is your DH always so selfish? Does he expect you to spend time with his family? What are his specific objections?

I agree with this. Unless there's more to it or a reason it's not viable (like having to pay, or needing the AL for something else) I think he should just suck it up tbh. Sometimes we have to do things for other people.

pizzaHeart · 29/04/2023 15:16

I wouldn’t go on a holiday with my in-laws but tbh I wouldn’t go on a holiday with my parents and siblings as well. I don’t feel that it’s wrong somehow we just prefer very different holidays. Liking people and going on a holiday with them are two different things. And it’s very much depends on a type of holiday and expectations. Will you be in one big cottage in the middle of nowhere or in a separate apartments in a city? Your parents are paying, it’s nice but are they the type who can ask for a favour later because of this? And lots of other questions…

What reasons did your DH give you for this if any?

TomatoSandwiches · 29/04/2023 15:17

YABU stop pushing the issue, I like my in laws but I wouldn't do this either.

maranella · 29/04/2023 15:17

Bear in mind with a question like this OP that MN is a weird place where people don't answer their door to people they know, hate it when friends or family that they like pop round unannounced.

IRL I don't know anyone who doesn't spend a long weekend (or longer) with their ILs at least semi-regularly. It's entirely normal (unlike a lot of the opinions you find on here!)

MzHz · 29/04/2023 15:18

SecretVictoria · 29/04/2023 15:00

I couldn’t think of anything worse. Never understood people who go away in big family groups. My idea of hell.

I wouldn’t even go on a day out with my family, and even less with OH family

this is hell. You can go without him @Domino90

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 29/04/2023 15:18

drpet49 · 29/04/2023 14:59

I wouldn’t say no to a free holiday. Weird he is being like this when he says he likes your family.

Yes but 5 days with in laws is a bit much! I like my in laws but would not go on holiday with them