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Original poster

Husband doesn't want to go on holiday with my family

242 replies

Domino90 · 29/04/2023 14:54

My husband is reluctant to agree to coming on a holiday with my side of the family (my parents, siblings and their families).

It would be totally paid for by my parents, and would be 5 days over a weekend (meaning we'd both have to take around 3 days of annual leave). My husband has 25 days of annual leave each year.

I've told him it's important to me that we both go, because it's a time for him to get to know my family better in a relaxed way.

We were given lots of notice about the dates.

He gets on well with my siblings when he sees them, and he says he likes my family

He is reluctant to go though, and won't commit to asking for the time off. He sighs when I mention it.

This makes me sad, because my family is important. I also feel he should agree, and just go along with it (even though he may rather be doing something else). Am I being reasonable?

OP posts:

Artsy1234 · 29/04/2023 15:19

Going away on holiday with family always seems like a good idea before hand. However in reality I’ve had to go on all expenses paid for holidays with my in laws. Our relationship has been worse off as a result of these holidays.

After the most recent one , I’ve made the decision to cut them off all together! Don’t force him to go on holiday, if you really want to you can go.

ItsMyCakeNotYourCake · 29/04/2023 15:19

Would you like to be forced into doing something that you really don't want to do OP?

Just because you're all excited about a family holiday it doesn't mean that he is, hence his reluctance to commit to anything

YABU

EVHead · 29/04/2023 15:22

YABU. Hellish.

It’s not up to you to tell DH when and how to get to know your family better. If he wants to do that he can plan it.

Hoppinggreen · 29/04/2023 15:24

I quite like my in-laws but I don’t go on holiday with them any more .
I used to go right off them after a couple of days, it was too much

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 15:27

Holidaying with another person’s family, especially the bloody inlaws, is all kinds of hell.

Irritateandunreasonable · 29/04/2023 15:27

YBU. There’s not going to be that really close family dynamic between you all DH isn’t interested. You can’t force him to enjoy spending time with your fam. Just go without him.

TheDogsMother · 29/04/2023 15:38

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 29/04/2023 14:59

I'm with your dh. No matter how nice they are, 5 days of forced interaction with a huge group is my idea of hell.

^ This

Topseyt123 · 29/04/2023 15:38

I'm with your DH I'm afraid. I did go on the very occasional holiday where my in-laws were involved, but there were always tensions even though we normally did used to rub along quite well mostly. We always ended up distancing ourselves and doing our own thing as much as possible.

We only did it when there was no other option, such as when we were all going to SIL's (DH's sister's) wedding in Australia. There were a couple of other times, but generally we avoided it.

Neither of us ever went on holiday with my parents. They didn't want it and neither did we.

Go on your own with the children if you want to, but stop pushing it with him. He can stay at home if he wishes.

Mirabai · 29/04/2023 15:42

You’re talking to a forum of socially anxious introverts who can’t answer their front door. For them hell is other people.

I say - if he gets on with them all he can pull himself together, if he doesn’t get on with them he can suck it up for 5 days.

gamerchick · 29/04/2023 15:42

He doesn't want to use annual leave on your family though. It's obvious.

He's being a dick for not communicating that though.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 29/04/2023 15:46

Holidaying with the in-laws is my idea of hell, it's certainly not a holiday.

Your DH only gets 25 holiday days a year and you want him to spend three of those doing something he actively doesn't want to do.

Why don't you just go with your family and let him take time off at a different time to spend one-on-one time with your DC?

Summerfun54321 · 29/04/2023 15:52

I find lunchtime on day 3 is when everyone realises why they don't organise big family holidays more often. Day 4 people hide from each other and day 5 everyone starts to claw each others eyes out.

thecatsmeows · 29/04/2023 15:57

I made the mistake of doing it once with my current boyfriend's family: NEVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN!

We'd been together nearly 2 years at that point (now 14 years). To describe how horrific it was would take pages, but his parents treated us like we were stupid 4 year olds who had never gone anywhere before in our life. Every day had a down to the hour itinerary - which my boyfriend promptly lost before we'd even arrived! I was in my early 40s at the time and was shocked at how controlling his father was (still is). I vowed after that horrendous long weekend was over I'd never go anywhere with any of his family on holiday ever again.

LunaMay · 29/04/2023 16:03

drpet49 · 29/04/2023 14:59

I wouldn’t say no to a free holiday. Weird he is being like this when he says he likes your family.

Yep, but would you also feel like you couldn't say no to anything while on the free holiday?

WheelsUp · 29/04/2023 16:06

Yabu
There are probably people in your life that you like but don't want to go on holiday with them.
Does he make you go on holiday with his side of the family? If so yanbu to expect some effort (5 days is a lot though)
Has he ever done shorter breaks like a night? However nice your family are, I think a lot of people would be hesitant to do 5 whole days.

darjeelingrose · 29/04/2023 16:07

Why can't you accept that he doesn't want to do it?
Do you live far away from your family and this is instead of visiting them, or are they local? I think this is the key thing, if you are nearby and see them regularly then it's not reasonable to ask him to do holidays as well.

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2023 16:07

Yep, but would you also feel like you couldn't say no to anything while on the free holiday?

This is only really an issue if they're the kind of people that are going to be pushy about doing things that wouldn't be appealing to him. Not everyone is like that.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 29/04/2023 16:10

SecretVictoria · 29/04/2023 15:00

I couldn’t think of anything worse. Never understood people who go away in big family groups. My idea of hell.

My thoughts exactly

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 16:12

Out of interest-does anyone on here ever do something they don't particularly want to do because the person they love has asked them to?

Thoughtful2355 · 29/04/2023 16:14

why would he want to spend his hard earnt holiday time with your family? i love my family but even i wouldnt want to do that.

tribpot · 29/04/2023 16:14

does anyone on here ever do something they don't particularly want to do because the person they love has asked them to?
Yep. Which is why I suggested a compromise, as five days is a long time. I think posters have mainly been trying to explain why OP's husband is feeling the way he is, as that seems to have come as a surprise to her.

EggInANest · 29/04/2023 16:14

What sort of hol, OP?

I do think that when you marry someone you need to make an effort to get to know and socialise with your partner’s family, and to some extent compromise and do things that your partner likes doing and vice versa.

5 days with your own hotel room with balcony to take some space in is one thing. 5 days in a shared caravan with one toilet is another.

LlynTegid · 29/04/2023 16:15

Is your DH someone who does not like making plans a long time in advance? Is there something about where you will be going? Has he had some bad experience earlier in life with in-laws?

I think you should try to find out why.

whumpthereitis · 29/04/2023 16:18

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 16:12

Out of interest-does anyone on here ever do something they don't particularly want to do because the person they love has asked them to?

Not wanting to go on holiday with your in-laws doesn’t mean you never do anything for your loved ones.

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 16:18

"why would he want to spend his hard earnt holiday time with your family? i love my family but even i wouldnt want to do that"
Because it's only 3 days of holiday out of 25-and his wife, who he loves and wants to please has asked him to. Simple, really.

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