Husband doesn't want to go on holiday with my family

[Domino90]

My husband is reluctant to agree to coming on a holiday with my side of the family (my parents, siblings and their families).

It would be totally paid for by my parents, and would be 5 days over a weekend (meaning we'd both have to take around 3 days of annual leave). My husband has 25 days of annual leave each year.

I've told him it's important to me that we both go, because it's a time for him to get to know my family better in a relaxed way.

We were given lots of notice about the dates.

He gets on well with my siblings when he sees them, and he says he likes my family

He is reluctant to go though, and won't commit to asking for the time off. He sighs when I mention it.

This makes me sad, because my family is important. I also feel he should agree, and just go along with it (even though he may rather be doing something else). Am I being reasonable?

This would be

My idea of hell

That's a perfect valid reason not to go.

OK now I think you are having us on. Articulate amd pucti9nary aren't embarrassing?? What the shout out and draw ones, those are not board games! Scrabble, chess, catan etc fine but pictionary and articulate! Are you joking with us?

It'll be like whose line us it anyway every night. God knows what sort of games you think are embarrassing.

I went on holiday with extended IL family once. It was a disaster.

Everything was fine when we were doing what they wanted to do, but there was absolutely no understanding that an introverted person like me finds it mentally draining to be around constant "action" the whole time.

I really enjoy a large jolly group trip with family or friends with games etc but 3 nights only absolute max. Any longer than that would be unbearable. Not a week. Could he come for some of it?

I would divorce you rather than go on this holiday. Some people just hate this sort of thing.

"Pictionary and Articulate" made my blood run cold, sorry. Can deal with a nice quiet low-key board/card game but being put on the spot to do something quickly or clown around... hard no. Not with in-laws, not with friends, not with DP, not even on my own if you paid me. Shudder.

Honestly OP, I know you'd prefer it if he came but that's not a good enough reason, sometimes you have to accept that your partner just won't enjoy an activity you want to do. If there's something so terrifically important that they have to "suck it up" (what a horrible phrase and what a horrible thing to do to someone you love) then the hard maximum should be one overnight stay. I'm talking life-changing events and crises, not just a holiday.

Five days and nights of "sucking it up" is not a reasonable thing to ask.

And also, your family would be unreasonable to take his absence as any sort of slight.

Like I said earlier, I know what my style of holiday is. If I was sharing a villa with friends there'd be late-night drinking and dancing. It wouldn't suit anyone who likes a quiet early night and that would be fine!

@Domino90

What's so terrible about games after dinner?! The ones we play - e.g. Articulate, Pictionary - aren't embarrassing

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I wouldn't go on a holiday with in laws.

And games after dinner is my idea of hell.

No, the OP brought it up.

@SmallFerret Do stop wittering on at me. I have no patience with social incompetence and I’m not interested in yours.

Have you tried just sucking it up?

No reason to. I’m not running a charity for the introverts of MN.

Mmm no, OP didn’t mention games until 22.55 last night, 2 hours after your post.

@Mirabai theOP mentioned games in her second post

OP mentioned games at 2255 on the 29th, not last night

YANBU,

i do think a marriage is about two families, and 5 days is not that long.

I wouldn’t like the games though!

Thank you. I can’t imagine why someone would think I suddenly started talking about games if the OP hadn’t said that this would be part of the holiday 🤨

😂

Of course not. Sucking stuff up is for other people, not YOU of course.

What WAS I wittering on about? Oh yeah, intolerance & disrespect. 😂

Well done Mirabai, & it's nice to see that you DON'T have no patience with social incompetence after all - you can clearly tolerate your own, so there's hope for you yet.

I have done a couple of holidays with my in laws years ago and I bloody hated them. I do like games after dinner though :)

You seem very confused. I don’t have to suck up your problems because I don’t know you. Badgering me isn’t going to change that.

OP and DH are married and is thus obliged to consider and compromise.