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Original poster

Husband doesn't want to go on holiday with my family

242 replies

Domino90 · 29/04/2023 14:54

My husband is reluctant to agree to coming on a holiday with my side of the family (my parents, siblings and their families).

It would be totally paid for by my parents, and would be 5 days over a weekend (meaning we'd both have to take around 3 days of annual leave). My husband has 25 days of annual leave each year.

I've told him it's important to me that we both go, because it's a time for him to get to know my family better in a relaxed way.

We were given lots of notice about the dates.

He gets on well with my siblings when he sees them, and he says he likes my family

He is reluctant to go though, and won't commit to asking for the time off. He sighs when I mention it.

This makes me sad, because my family is important. I also feel he should agree, and just go along with it (even though he may rather be doing something else). Am I being reasonable?

OP posts:
LabRat90 · 29/04/2023 16:19

I'm currently nearing the end of a two week holiday with my DH and DS with my parents. We've been married for six years, everyone gets on well and it's been lovely for DS to spend time with his grandparents.

That said, it has be a nightmare at times. We were four days in before DH and I agreed we're never going on holiday with parents again.

YABU, go without him if you really want to go but don't force him into it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/04/2023 16:24

I love my MIL and FIL, DP's DA and his DSis, but nothing would be able to convince me to spend my leave on five days of compulsory socialising 'to get to know them better'. I know them. They're lovely. And I'd rather boil my eyeballs than have to spend that length of time cooped up with them.

SwedishEdith · 29/04/2023 16:25

What's the purpose of the holiday together as, presumably, this is the first time it's happened?

Do you live far from your family? PP's comments about spending long weekends with extended family only applies if you're not within day trip distance of them.

It'd be a firm no from me but the situation would have been nipped in the bud at the start.

SmurfHaribos · 29/04/2023 16:27

YABU OP. Nightmare idea.

flowertoday · 29/04/2023 16:28

I think you need to go on your own. My husband's family are lovely, but there is no way I would want to go on holiday with them.

Perhaps it is just too much / too long. There is nothing wrong with a meal / day out to get to know your side of the family.

Poppyblush · 29/04/2023 16:31

So your dh wont do this for you? That’s nice. I’d be disappointed, unless there’s more to the story…

ShippingNews · 29/04/2023 16:31

I'm with your DH. I can't imagine anything worse than spending 5 days in enforced holiday situation with my in laws, no matter how nice they are. Go along if you want to, but don't pressure him to do something he hates .

Littlemissprosecco · 29/04/2023 16:33

Could he just join you for the weekend and say he couldn’t get the time off!

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 29/04/2023 16:33

We went away for a long weekend with my mil and her dh. Although it was fine we seemed to do our own thing during the day and meet in the evening for dinner, which was a nightmare in itself, the whole choosing a restaurant. I could’ve coped with dds food issues, but mil and her dh are as tight as a gnats arse, so that was fun!

If your dh doesn’t want to go, that’s his choice and there’s nothing you can do about it. I certainly won’t be going with mil and her dh again.

sosickofthisshit · 29/04/2023 16:37

YABU, I wouldn't go with my own parents (I have, never again, it was a nightmare) let alone my inlaws. Your DH is perfectly reasonable and entitled to not want to go.

GoodChat · 29/04/2023 16:38

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 16:12

Out of interest-does anyone on here ever do something they don't particularly want to do because the person they love has asked them to?

Yes but not things that will make me feel miserable or uncomfortable.

It's good to have boundaries.

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 16:46

"It's good to have boundaries"

Yes it is. So he needs to explain to the OP the issue he has with pleasing her by spending 5 days with people he likes. It's important to her. She had asked him to go. Grown up people do nice things for the people they love, even if they are mildly inconvenienced by doing so.

Ponderingwindow · 29/04/2023 16:48

The exact circumstances of the setup also matter in terms of whether or not he should go along with things. Does everyone get their own separate accommodation or will you all be sharing a house? Is this the kind of trip where there is an agenda everyone must follow or is it the kind of trip where people can mix and match activities that actually interest them?

I have done the shared house lock-step trip enough times to refuse to go anymore. People who plan that trip only care about themselves and don’t take the time to make sure everyone is cared for in terms of sleeping arrangements, food, and activities.

AgnesX · 29/04/2023 16:51

Sorry but I can understand where he's coming from, regardless of how nice they are. Other people's families just aren't the same.

MichelleScarn · 29/04/2023 16:52

Are you all in one apartment/house together? Will you need to share bathroom etc? I'd hate not to have any opportunity to escape for peace if I needed to!

MsWhitworth · 29/04/2023 16:54

Part and parcel of being married if you ask me. It’s important to you so he should suck it up. Because he loves you.

MsWhitworth · 29/04/2023 17:00

You asked on MN which was a mistake as it’s disproportionately full of people who would rather have their appendix removed with a spoon than go on a group holiday.

FairAcre · 29/04/2023 17:01

If he doesn't want to go for a free holiday then that's his loss.

Tell him you are going though and let him stay home.

teezletangler · 29/04/2023 17:07

You asked on MN which was a mistake as it’s disproportionately full of people who would rather have their appendix removed with a spoon than go on a group holiday.

Agreed. IRL I don't think I know anyone who doesn't go on extended family holidays at least occasionally. It may not be people's favourite thing to do but for many/most families it is part and parcel of family life, and it's a little weird and mean to refuse to go, unless there is a backstory.

gerispringer · 29/04/2023 17:10

I haven’t got any in laws but we often go on holiday with my family ( 16 of us) and it’s huge fun, especially if we have a large villa with a pool. Fortunately my OH enjoys it . The kids always have someone to play with, take it in turns to cook so you only get to do it once in a week, we don’t all go out in big groups, so excursions are optional, , we play table tennis, rounders, cricket, volleyball, swimming , going to the beach etc., the teenagers aren’t all grumpy and get involved - What’s not to like? fOr the OP, yes your OH is being an inconsiderate misery and I’d go without him.

autienotnaught · 29/04/2023 17:11

Does it cost extra for him to attend? If so give a deadline for him to confirm his attendance. I'd text it so there's a paper trail. If he doesn't confirm I'd book with out him. If he doesn't need to confirm his lol

FusRoDah · 29/04/2023 17:12

No way would I have gone on holiday with my in laws before we had DC. Extended family holidays weren't the norm for me growing up. Now we do it so DCs can spend time with their grandparents/aunts/uncles and normally DH and I can get a date night out of it with free babysitting. But I don't think either of us loves holidays which others families.

Silvergoldandglitter · 29/04/2023 17:14

I actually really like and love my in laws so would love a long weekend with them but it's never happened and probably never will. We don't do time away with my family either. I don't know anyone that does long weekends with parents actually.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/04/2023 17:22

I also feel he should agree, and just go along with it (even though he may rather be doing something else). Am I being reasonable?

No you're not being reasonable. He doesn't want to go, he shouldn't be forced to.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 29/04/2023 17:22

I literally couldnt stand the idea of a holiday with either his family or mine. I wouldn't care if it was free, yours sounds horrific I'm afraid.

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