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Original poster

Husband doesn't want to go on holiday with my family

242 replies

Domino90 · 29/04/2023 14:54

My husband is reluctant to agree to coming on a holiday with my side of the family (my parents, siblings and their families).

It would be totally paid for by my parents, and would be 5 days over a weekend (meaning we'd both have to take around 3 days of annual leave). My husband has 25 days of annual leave each year.

I've told him it's important to me that we both go, because it's a time for him to get to know my family better in a relaxed way.

We were given lots of notice about the dates.

He gets on well with my siblings when he sees them, and he says he likes my family

He is reluctant to go though, and won't commit to asking for the time off. He sighs when I mention it.

This makes me sad, because my family is important. I also feel he should agree, and just go along with it (even though he may rather be doing something else). Am I being reasonable?

OP posts:
BarelyLiterate · 29/04/2023 18:59

YABU.

I get on fine with my in-laws, in small doses and under controlled circumstances, but there is absolutely no fucking way I would want to go on holiday with them. It wouldn’t matter where the holiday venue was or if they were paying or if they were paying me to go. It’s just not going to happen. Ever. End of discussion.

I would have absolutely no objection, however, if DP wanted to go on holiday with them. They are his family, after all.

gerbilcrocus · 29/04/2023 19:02

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 16:12

Out of interest-does anyone on here ever do something they don't particularly want to do because the person they love has asked them to?

This is MN. And "compromise" is the most disgusting "c" word in existence.

snowlady4 · 29/04/2023 19:07

I wouldn't want to do this tbh- even with my own family- so if he doesn't want to, I suppose that's reason enough.
However, if it's really important to you that he attends, I think perhaps he could show his face for 2 nights, meet you in the middle.

gerbilcrocus · 29/04/2023 19:07

I'm not a big fan of extended family holidays, but reading this does make me feel like MN exists in a parallel universe. IRL, this isn't such a big deal for most people.

BarelyLiterate · 29/04/2023 19:11

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 16:12

Out of interest-does anyone on here ever do something they don't particularly want to do because the person they love has asked them to?

Yes, I do, but within reason. I did use one day’s leave to attend SIL’s weekday wedding. Asking me to use 3 days of my precious annual leave to go on holiday with my in-laws would be a completely different matter.

gerbilcrocus · 29/04/2023 19:11

snowlady4 · 29/04/2023 19:07

I wouldn't want to do this tbh- even with my own family- so if he doesn't want to, I suppose that's reason enough.
However, if it's really important to you that he attends, I think perhaps he could show his face for 2 nights, meet you in the middle.

You wouldn't want to go away on holiday for 5 days with your own family? And this reply doesn't at all out of seem out of kilter with most of the replies?

Fuck me, I think MN should be renamed "Misanthropes Net"

gerbilcrocus · 29/04/2023 19:16

I wouldn’t even go on a day out with my family, and even less with OH family. this is hell. You can go without him @Domino90

And the award for "embittered recluse" of the week goes to... 😂

Susieb2023 · 29/04/2023 19:21

What on earth am I reading!?

I go on holiday with my extended family on both sides without hesitation. We like to be together. You never know what’s around the corner, all getting older and we love sharing quality time with them when we can. I can’t think of a friend (off the top of my head) who doesn’t do this as well.

Honestly @Domino90 I’m with you. I’d be gutted if my husband took this view. If it’s important to you, then I’d feel very let down.

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 19:25

This Mumsnet weekend away is getting busier!

Catshaveiteasy · 29/04/2023 19:25

I'd be happy to spend 5 days with almost anyone and have certainly been on holiday with my family and my DH's. However, I don't think you can insist your DH goes if he doesn't want to. He's entitled make his own decisions and it doesn't stop you going.

I'm puzzled that you say it would be a chance for him to get to know them? Have you only married recently. Or do they live far away? If he hardly knows them, I can see he might not want to spend 5 days with them. Not everyone can just relax and fit in with people they hardly know.

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 19:35

Obviously she can't-and should'nt insist! But she shouldn't have to. She would like him to go. All it's costing him is 3 days leave out of 25. And he likes them and loves her. No brainer frankly.

gamerchick · 29/04/2023 19:37

Seriously dudes. 3 pages and the OP hasn't been back...

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 19:42

Good point! Right- who's coming for a long weekend in Whitstable with me? I can offer free accommodation for up to 6....

BIWI · 29/04/2023 19:46

Yay! I'm up for that @CurlewKate! Love Whistable Grin

kitsuneghost · 29/04/2023 19:54

Don't blame him. I wouldn't want to use annual leave to go on holiday with the in-laws especially if I only have 25 days.

Onthemaintrunkline · 29/04/2023 19:55

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. Marriage is a lot of give and take. I’m imagining you won’t all be joined at the hip for the whole 5 days. I’m thinking he can put himself out for these few days, he’s not even being expected to fund it.

kitsuneghost · 29/04/2023 20:00

CurlewKate · 29/04/2023 16:12

Out of interest-does anyone on here ever do something they don't particularly want to do because the person they love has asked them to?

Why do people ask their OH to do something they don't particularly want to do in the first place. Surely it's much nicer to do something you both want to do.

LovMydog · 29/04/2023 20:02

I think he should go & be grateful for the fact that your parents are paying & including him. He should understand that your family is important to you and, by default, they are now his family too by marriage. It's not as though he'll be the only non-blood relation there if your siblings are bringing their families too. He should do it for you and be pleased he's married into a family who are generous and interested in their daughter's husband & see it as a very kind & inclusive gesture. Family is hugely important to me and I think (if there are no big divisions between them) that a big family holiday can be really fun!

alwaysmovingforwards · 29/04/2023 20:05

Gettingbysomehow · 29/04/2023 15:02

I'd have left home if my ex husband had made me go on holiday with his parents. I couldn't possibly imagine anything worse.
I won't even go on holiday with my own parents.

Totally agree. Very unreasonable to insist.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 29/04/2023 20:11

I would not want to go on holiday with all your family either no offense, who does that. Holidays are a time to get away to relax from everyone and to chill out. It is probably too much for him. Have a holiday with your husband and your children and spend days over visiting your own family. Do not force him to go as not fair as can be very intimidating to spend all that time with in laws and the usual drama that entails.

LightDrizzle · 29/04/2023 20:15

YABU. As long as he doesn’t have a problem with you going without him, and you will still have enough AL to have a holiday together.

Snugglemonkey · 29/04/2023 20:35

I don't blame him. I would not want to go either.

gentlemum · 29/04/2023 20:35

I've (reluctantly) gone on holiday with my in laws and some random family friends I'd never met before who they invited (?!) and it was awful. We had totally different interests and wanted to do different things and have the day/mealtimes planned differently so in the end we just ended up doing our own thing and seeing them in the evening which was more than enough. I definitely wouldn't do it again. So YABU, you shouldn't expect him to be happy with spending an intense few days away with your family where there is no escape or time to yourself.

tinytemper66 · 29/04/2023 21:04

Fuck that for a game of soldiers! No way would I do that.

MadCatLady27 · 29/04/2023 21:20

SecretVictoria · 29/04/2023 15:00

I couldn’t think of anything worse. Never understood people who go away in big family groups. My idea of hell.

I agree

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