If you're not wanting any or any more children as a couple, has your man's had the snip?

[Haleluljaa]

Interested as it seems that the onus of prevention still seems to be on women, even in this day and age, and with all of the options available to men.

I've just had THE lightbulb moment that it's all been on me, when it would actually have been so much easier if my male partner had taken some responsibility

I always think what if I got run over tomorrow and he meets someone else. He wouldn't be able to have children with her.

^***

I don't understand this mentality, the current children don't disappear, why must every relationship have children? DH and I are of the view we have had our children, whatever the future holds we won't be having more just because a relationship has ended.

^^^
But this does happen
My divorced cousin met a lady who wanted children and so he had a reversal
It failed.
My mum also felt this way.
Sadly passing away when dad was in his early 40's.
Dad easily could have met a younger woman and I would have fully supported him if he'd wanted another family.
There are many threads on here about people who want children abs it's a deal breaker.
Dad may or may not have wanted more children but if his new partner had at least they would have the option.
As it was his new partner didn't want children so the question never came up.

Interesting to read several posters saying being on the pill is helpful for them. I always had a horrendous time on the pill. No matter which one I tried, there was always a problem (mainly acne which persisted for the whole 15 or so years I had to take the pill). If it wasn’t acne, it was mood swings from hell. Tried a coil at one point and that also gave me the rage. So I was grateful and relieved that OH was willing to have the snip!

@Robin233 but we've had our children? We are not looking to collect children like medals in our relationships, we do not want any more with each other or anyone else, my husband dying wouldn't erase my children, if anything they'd need me even more and not to be having a new family with someone else. He feels the same.

Yes, DH willingly got the snip after (surprise) DC3. He went back to work the same afternoon he had the op.

DCs 1 and 2 were IVF babies after DH’s extremely low to virtually nil sperm count was revealed. We were told we’d never conceive naturally, so we never bothered with contraception. And we didn’t for 11 years, until I was over 40 and began to feel fat and nauseous….

@updin
I understand that.
But if my dad had met the love of his life and she was desperate for a child, dad would have had the choice.
It was right in his circumstances and I see your point of view too, and is right for you.
There are many points of view and room for all.
Dismissing a point of view doesn't make yours any more , or less valid.
They are all valid.

Yes. I put my body through hormonal contraception and childbirth so we could have two children.

As soon as that was done, he had the procedure.

It's very freeing.

@Robin233 the loves of his life should be his children, you don't have children to make a partner happy, if a future partner doesn't understand that, they are not meant to be. I'm not sure why you need to conflate children and relationships, they do not need to be mutually exclusive.

My ex immediately had the snip when we divorced as he didn't want our children to have to deal with any half siblings.

My DP had one shortly after we met ( had already been considering it) as I had 3 c sections which has left internal scarring and had also really struggled on any hormone treatment. He felt he was too old at 50 anyway.

@updin
I was 18 when mum died and did not live at home.
I did not want dad sat alone for the rest of his days. ...
He very well could have met someone who wanted children.
Woman on here are generally advised to move on if they partners won't have child.

@Robin233 as they should, but he shouldn't have a child just because a partner wants one. Anyway that is all moot, your dad is your dad, my DH and I are us, we do not want any more children period. If we were to meet someone who wanted children we would walk away, the relationship wouldn't work.

Yes after we decided we were done waited a year to talk it out and make sure then he had it done. About a 5 month process with consultations etc so about 17 months after we made the decision. All sorted now and a big relief for us both.

I’m the same. I’ve tried various pills, the injection and the implant. None really suit as make me feel sad and/or irritable.
I was chatting to the nurse at the GP and I might try a vagina ring as you can just take it out yourself.
Overall though I hate hormonal contraception.

Ha! No. Mild medical phobia plus the whole "but it's my balls! My balls!" palaver.

So he doesn't get laid unless he buys and uses a condom (rare) or accepts that there may be a bonus baby (that I'd be very happy with).

His choice, his problem. I'm not mucking up my system with extra hormones.

@Robin233 My Mum died in my 20’s and my Dad met and married my lovely step-Mum a few years later. She was post-menopausal so children weren’t an option anyway.

Not being able to have more children doesn’t rule out a future relationship, not every parent gets together with someone who is dying to have kids!

@VikingLady i know there’s a chance of post-operative problems, but I can categorically state that my DH was in full working order a few weeks after the operation, and continues to be several years down the line. 🤣

@HamBone it's the whole idea of it! I have very little patience or sympathy tbh. I went through a cesarian then a ghastly "natural" birth that took two hours of stitching to bodge me back together, plus the resulting prolapses. And fibroids leading to internal exams and internal scans.

But I'd happily have another kid and he knows it, so it's his responsibility. Condoms mean less mess for me anyway

He will do. There is a 3 year waiting list currently according to our GP but we'll probably just go private.

We don’t want any more children. My husband will have a vasectomy but not until he is 40 because I’m worried about the increased risk of prostate cancer.

@HamBone
i did not say they did
however some do.
and that was why I made my choice.

@HamBone
i did not say they did
however some do.
and that was why I made my choice.

Yes. After my 2 Csecs.

Took his time about it though. I think DC2 was about 3. Despite our both saying we were done having babies after his birth.

But we both agree it was the best decision. And the most non-eventful operation. He couldn't even be bothered to wait for me to pick him up from hospital same day, so got the bus home. He was fine after a couple of days. No major pain.

Sex is SOOOO much better in our middle age 😊

I can't believe all these women (doormats) worrying about hypothetical situations where they die and their DH marries someone else who wants kids! FFS. Get a fucking grip!!!

No but I’m fairly infertile and it took a lot to get DC1 so it seems highly unlikely I’d ever accidentally fall pregnant. He would have it done if I asked, but it seems pointless.

We had decided our second would be our last. DH was keen to have a vasectomy.
Best decision he's made.

I took the pill for many years before we TTC, then in between pregnancies. I didn't want to be taking hormones for years on end so DH was set on getting a vasectomy.

Feels like we've both done our bit to have & complete our family.

I had three children under two. My ex husband had his when I was still pregnant on my third child

I had a 16 month old, a 6 month old and I was 2 months pregnant.

Wild horses wouldn't have stopped him 😂