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Original poster

If you're not wanting any or any more children as a couple, has your man's had the snip?

193 replies

Haleluljaa · 29/04/2023 00:31

Interested as it seems that the onus of prevention still seems to be on women, even in this day and age, and with all of the options available to men.

I've just had THE lightbulb moment that it's all been on me, when it would actually have been so much easier if my male partner had taken some responsibility

OP posts:
theculture · 29/04/2023 03:45

No but I have a mirena for extremely heavy periods and would anyway

Gotafaceon · 29/04/2023 03:49

I wanted a third. He didn't. It felt unfair that the onus was still on me to use contraception.
Took him 14 years though ...

YukoandHiro · 29/04/2023 03:51

My DH won't do it - he has strong views about not tampering with the body. But I refuse to take invasive or hormonal contraception and we agree to take the risk of relying on condoms. We have pre agreed I wouldn't terminate if I fell pregnant with a third - at my instigation - but actually if it did happen I wonder if I might actually feel able to terminate as I don't think we could manage a third now. But I'd get the casting vote on that.
It's not ideal, I'd rather be did it, but we're old now anyway so the chances of a slip up are very small and we never ever have unprotected sex. Took us ages to get pregnant both times when we were actively trying using sperm meets egg plan etc.

LightDrizzle · 29/04/2023 03:51

Yes. Quite a few of our male friends have too.

Sunflowergirl1 · 29/04/2023 03:58

No. After a friend of ours and also a colleague of his had a really nasty reaction and infection. Weeks off work and treatment. 6 months after still issues and then found out that 10% have not so welcome problems.

After that he wasn't keen

LuckyPeonies · 29/04/2023 04:00

Yes, many years ago. One of the best decisions we’ve made.

Robin233 · 29/04/2023 04:14

Dh did offer but I felt if anything happened to me (my mum died young) he may marry someone who wanted children (my cousin had a failed vasectomy)
I had keyhole surgery.
It was very straightforward and I was out the same day.
Completely back to normal the next day.
Stitches out few days later.
Happy to do it and would make the same decision again in a heartbeat

I have also heard about problems with vasectomy so didn't want to risk that. (Done some nursing.

Justbecause19 · 29/04/2023 04:51

Pregnant with an unexpected DC3 so DH will be getting the snip, he's more then happy to do it but hasn't been very proactive in booking it. Is a little more motivated since I told him I wouldn't be having sex after having this baby until it's done. I would like to enjoy sex without the worry of getting pregnant again and don't want the burden of sorting contraception. I take enough of the mental load and my body has done enough.

mrsbitaly · 29/04/2023 05:20

Yes after our second child we agreed we didn't want anymore. He had it done willingly and it's so nice not to have to worry. But if anyone is planning on having it done really do make sure you send the sample off after it's been done to test that it's worked as I know someone who thought they were clear and didnt send it and now has an extra child they were not planning 🤣

PurBal · 29/04/2023 05:27

DH has categorically said “no more children”, we couldn’t afford it and I’ve had two difficult pregnancies (mental health). His dad had it done, his friends have had it done. It’s definitely the norm in our circles.

Emanresu9 · 29/04/2023 05:32

Yes it was his idea.

whiteroseredrose · 29/04/2023 05:50

No because I wanted a Mirena anyway. No periods for nearly 20 years has been great.

CarlaTheGnome · 29/04/2023 05:50

DH had it done. If it was up to him he wouldn't have (hates all things medical) but he had to admit it was his turn so he stepped up. He sorted it all himself, I didn't have to insist. But it did take 18 months for him to get round to it!

MaverickSnoopy · 29/04/2023 05:55

We decided we were done at 3 and DH said he'd get the snip as I struggle with contraception and isn't effective for us. I was against - what would happen if I died and he met someone else and they decided they wanted children.

I fell pregnant and had a termination (another contraception failure). He's now booked in.

Snaaaaacks · 29/04/2023 06:02

No. The plan was to book it after our 3rd child arrived safely but I ended up with pretty bad birth injuries so was out of action for a year. I haven't taken hormonal contraception since 2014, since then I have been pregnant 4 times (lost 1) first time trying all planned, we have used condoms for over 9 years no mishaps. We don't have the time or energy for much sex with 3 young children anyway and I'm pretty sure I'm perimonopausal, my mum went through the menopause in her mid 40s (I'm nearly 40) so I don't think there's much point in him bothering now. By the time we have the time or energy for sex again I'll be menopausal!

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 29/04/2023 06:22

We don't want any kids and no, DH hasn't had the snip. I would encourage him against it.
He's also just retrained into a physical job and is getting a wedding ring tattooed onto his finger as he can no longer wear his wedding ring - and I've encouraged him against including my name in the design.
It's about future proofing.
We're 40 and have been together very happily for 20 years. Within the dynamic of this relationship, we don't want kids. We both feel it's too good and we have such a lovely time together, are one anothers best friend, and don't want to turn it upside down.
However, if I die, he might meet someone else and decide to have a child, within the dynamic of a totally different relationship.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 29/04/2023 06:25

I had a coil at first just to be 100% sure I didn’t want anymore, then when it expired DH had the snip. All our friends DHs did the same. Easy choice.

HappyEm81 · 29/04/2023 06:26

Yes. After our second daughter, we were very content with our family, so my husband had the snip. Before this, we used condoms (I've never used any other type of contraception). My husband was only 21 when he had it done. His GP felt he was too young so wasn't keen, so he swapped to my GP practice who were happy to do it.

MintJulia · 29/04/2023 06:27

Yes. I fell pregnant at 44, he was 53. After we got over the shock he made sure it couldn't happen again. 😃

HowManySunflowers · 29/04/2023 06:33

No, but we use condoms so he has taken responsibility for contraception in a different way.

Fridaysgirl17 · 29/04/2023 06:33

We talked about it after our second as I'd have various complications with both my pregnancies which resulted in 2 inductions at 35 weeks & honestly I could never do it again,I did inquire about tubal ligation but my GP advised a vasectomy would be better,turns out we didn't need to do either as my partner wasn't done having kids just not with me,he had cheated on me whilst pregnant & had another son (unbeknownst to me) & then went on to have an affair with his now partner for months while I was at home with our 2 kids, so he now has a further 3 babies in the space of our almost 3 year olds life span, 1 whom he denies but he's the double of our son's down to the tooth gap 🫣 & 2 back to back with OW 🥴. I know I'm done so I may talk to my GP again about getting my tubes tied

PragmaticWench · 29/04/2023 06:35

No, we both decided the 10% complications rate with vasectomy was too high a risk. Some of the complications are awful.

I have the mirena coil anyway and it's half of hrt, so a good thing for me even without the contraception element.

I asked for sterilisation after my last DC but it's not funded for women in my area, only for men.

Heatherbell1978 · 29/04/2023 06:52

Yes he offered! I had a contraceptive implant which didn't agree with me and I just wanted done with taking things. Had to wait longer than we'd like due to Covid but all good. Two DC and mid 40s

Sanch1 · 29/04/2023 07:00

In our relationship I've just been sterilised. He offered but only 1 of my 3 children is his so if anything happens to me I'd want him to have the chance of children with someone else.

GayPareeee · 29/04/2023 07:03

Yes, I would get pregnant just looking at DH (3 DCs, 4 miscarriages), both certain we were done kids wise and that the risk to my mental and physical health of being pregnant too great.

Made such a difference to our sex life once he got the all clear (so important to wait until then)

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