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Original poster

If you're not wanting any or any more children as a couple, has your man's had the snip?

193 replies

Haleluljaa · 29/04/2023 00:31

Interested as it seems that the onus of prevention still seems to be on women, even in this day and age, and with all of the options available to men.

I've just had THE lightbulb moment that it's all been on me, when it would actually have been so much easier if my male partner had taken some responsibility

OP posts:
Stickmansmum · 29/04/2023 08:16

Yes, its the easiest and least painful of all the choices. He very willingly did that for all of us.

depre · 29/04/2023 08:18

It never really came up for us as I have had a mirena for years to help with constant bleeding. It's 'side effect' is contraception.

toptomatoes · 29/04/2023 08:18

Yes, he had it done when our third child was about two, no problems. I know lots of family members and partners of friends who have had a vasectomy.

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 08:19

NameChangeMumma23 · 29/04/2023 07:38

Nope, he won't.

Even though we are married and I've been advised not to have any more for health reasons, had awful pregnancies, prem babies, pre eclampsia, hellp syndrome, then c sections with post partum haemorrhages and blood transfusions both times.

Also can't take or use anything hormonal for health reasons (massive family risk of cardiac issues and my blood pressure rises whenever I tried anything hormonal). I also can't be sterilised as I can only have "essential" or life saving surgery as I have a tendency to bleed a lot during surgery.

He's worried it will hurt, that sex will feel different and he also said that just because he doesn't want anymore children with me doesn't mean he wouldn't want anymore with anyone else if we broke up. Really hasn't done my mental health any good him saying that.

So we just use condoms. Works well as we've never had an unplanned pregnancy or a scare.

That said, I'm petrified of getting pregnant as id be recommended a termination by all medics. But that in itself would be risky too 😭

Reading this back has made me realise how selfish he is. He is essentially putting my health at risk as he's too pig ignorant to have a snip.

What an awful, awful, awful man you’re married to. Fucking hell.

AnotherEmma · 29/04/2023 08:22

No.

DH and I have two children and we are both very sure we don't want any more - with each other or anyone else. However, he doesn't want a vasectomy and there isn't much I can do about it; his body, his choice. It's not a big issue atm because I have a hormonal coil (Kyleena) and no problems with it, in fact I have no periods which is great. But if I ever did have issues with the coil, I would be asking him to reconsider the vasectomy.

If I got pregnant despite being on the coil, I would get an abortion, but I would probably refuse to have PIV sex with DH ever again, unless he got the snip.

trulyunruly01 · 29/04/2023 08:27

Yes, after two difficult pregnancies and various neo-natal dramas, we had a frank discussion where both confessed that we'd rather terminate than continue a pregnancy. With that (to us) very sad realisation, he booked the appointment.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 29/04/2023 08:28

No. He would if I wanted him to, but I'm happy on the Mirena, as it means no periods.

Buildingthefuture · 29/04/2023 08:30

Yes, after I’d been on the pill for years. He was happy to do it. He had a couple of days of bruising but it was fine.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 29/04/2023 08:35

Yep, although we'd wanted another, unfortunately I hadn't conceived, so he got the snip once we'd reached the age we'd agreed was 'too old' for us. Without hesitation.

Ponyfootymama · 29/04/2023 09:03

We got married when I was 30, he 40, second marriage for him and 3 boys already. Our daughter born when I was 35, he 45. He then happily went to have the procedure. Two sperm tests later, first still showing some activity, second clear, sex life great.
Seven months later, period late. Eventually decided to take a test because I'm a bit of a worrier but not expecting a positive result(!) Yep, pregnant. I really didn't want another child but got used to the idea gradually and we had our son when I was 37, he 47.
Midwives told us there was a 1 in 2000 chance of vasectomy failure, and sure enough, on test, he was back to full strength!
Of course we wouldn't be without any of the 5 of them, now ranging from 33 to 15, but it's been condoms all the way since!! No way I was taking that chance again lol! Hopefully imminent menopause will eventually give us more freedom, though I'm sure I will be waiting more than a year after last period to risk it!!

Lampzade · 29/04/2023 09:07

Yes
. I had too many side effects with hormonal contraception and the copper coil caused me to have abdominal cramps

QueefQueen80s · 29/04/2023 09:24

Yes, totally his decision. Then we split and I had my womb out so neither of us can have more children.

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/04/2023 09:26

Yes, and I think that’s normal - once you’ve completed your family I don’t think the onus is usually on the woman (finally).

Same for my Dad’s generation

trevthecat · 29/04/2023 09:29

Yes. We discussed if we wanted more, we have 3, both said no. Left it a couple of months, discussed again, same answer so he suggested and booked it himself.

MollyRover · 29/04/2023 09:30

Yes, I had medium term birth control inserted after my last pregnancy because we weren't 100% sure we didn't want another but when that comes out he's getting the snip.

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/04/2023 09:30

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 08:19

What an awful, awful, awful man you’re married to. Fucking hell.

Show quote history

@NameChangeMumma23

Truly awful - his behaviour is utterly abnormal. I certainly wouldn’t have sex with him till he did, and I would seriously consider my situation full stop.

nats2010 · 29/04/2023 09:34

I have mentioned this to my partner. He has said no way because he has heard of a guy " who has been crippled and in horrendous, life changing pain" ever since. Aye right sunshine. I swear, some men are dicks and so precious about their balls.

Soontobe60 · 29/04/2023 09:35

No. I knew I definitely didn’t want any more children after an awful experience with DD2. So I was the one who pushed to get sterilised. Dh is my second husband and only has 1 child - DD2, no one knows what the future will hold - if we split up and he met someone else he may well have wanted another child. I’m very pragmatic though and don’t see it as his ‘duty’ to prevent me getting pregnant.
I didn’t want to get pregnant to I sorted out the solution.

Soontobe60 · 29/04/2023 09:36

nats2010 · 29/04/2023 09:34

I have mentioned this to my partner. He has said no way because he has heard of a guy " who has been crippled and in horrendous, life changing pain" ever since. Aye right sunshine. I swear, some men are dicks and so precious about their balls.

I can imagine that losing the ability to get an erection or lifelong pain in one’s testicles is quite a scary prospect?

Lampzade · 29/04/2023 09:39

nats2010 · 29/04/2023 09:34

I have mentioned this to my partner. He has said no way because he has heard of a guy " who has been crippled and in horrendous, life changing pain" ever since. Aye right sunshine. I swear, some men are dicks and so precious about their balls.

What about the vasectomies which have been successful?
Your partner doesn’t want a vasectomy

Sloop89 · 29/04/2023 09:43

DH tried to quote the complication rate of vasectomy to me and I printed off the rate of various birth injuries to him and reminded him of what I went through! Pffft! He got the snip. Almost all the men in our circle have had it done.

Kittytitt · 29/04/2023 09:47

He planned to but I had a C section for our last child so while they were in there they tied me off instead. I can't say if he'd have done it as he admitted to being terrified of the op, but also that he should do it.

Hotfuninthesummertime · 29/04/2023 09:49

I have 1 child and don't want more. My partner isn't my child's father and has no kids nor does he want to. We've discussed the snip but I feel bad for him as he may change his mind and want kids although he's adamant he doesn't

RuffledKestrel · 29/04/2023 10:25

Yes he went and done it of his own accord. Neither of us have ever wanted kids so it made sense to us.
I've always doubled up on contraception anyways because I don't want to get pregnant (pill/implant plus condoms) so now we simply ditch the condoms - which I much prefer cause I hate the feel of them.

Wishona · 29/04/2023 10:27

No 😒
He definitely doesn’t want any more than our 3. I’ve always said if we slip up that’s though. Now I’m older If be worried about risks though.