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Original poster

If you're not wanting any or any more children as a couple, has your man's had the snip?

193 replies

Haleluljaa · 29/04/2023 00:31

Interested as it seems that the onus of prevention still seems to be on women, even in this day and age, and with all of the options available to men.

I've just had THE lightbulb moment that it's all been on me, when it would actually have been so much easier if my male partner had taken some responsibility

OP posts:
NameChangeMumma23 · 29/04/2023 07:50

@ThankmelaterOkay Thankyou. I honestly hadn't given it much thought, I just thought "his body his choice" until I re-read what I wrote. He's selfish. Putting my health (and potentially life due to bleeding) at risk. I need serious chat with him as I'm only 37 so have a lot of fertile years yet

DustyLee123 · 29/04/2023 07:51

Yes. He didn’t want another but I did, so I said that he had to prevent another.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 29/04/2023 07:53

No, but FIL was one of the 10% who have long term pain from it so DH won't risk it. At the minute I am happy to keep using the patch, not sure what age I can keep using it till though

Baneofmyexistence · 29/04/2023 07:56

Yes he has. We have three DC and do ‘t want any more. It took till the youngest was five for him to do it though!

Ragwort · 29/04/2023 07:59

No - but used condoms with absolutely no issue.

WensleydaleCrumbs · 29/04/2023 07:59

Yes. It was a discussion we had a few years after our 2nd was born and he was the one who suggested it.

We both knew we were 100% done.

A lot of our friendship group's husbands have also had it done willingly.

WeWereInParis · 29/04/2023 08:00

No. He made a GP appointment to discuss a month or so ago, and it turns out the NHS doesn't find them in our area anymore. We'll pay privately for it at some point, but not right now. We use condoms

Zigg · 29/04/2023 08:01

Yes my husband did and was very proactive in doing so. We are not in the financial position to have more children and it was the all round sensible thing to do. No drama and it’s made life much easier for us.

ThankmelaterOkay · 29/04/2023 08:01

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 29/04/2023 07:53

No, but FIL was one of the 10% who have long term pain from it so DH won't risk it. At the minute I am happy to keep using the patch, not sure what age I can keep using it till though

It’s not 10%.

I’d like to sit the 1% or less down that do experience pain, and try to measure it. I imagine it’s the amount of pain a woman would barely register.

WeWereInParis · 29/04/2023 08:01

WeWereInParis · 29/04/2023 08:00

No. He made a GP appointment to discuss a month or so ago, and it turns out the NHS doesn't find them in our area anymore. We'll pay privately for it at some point, but not right now. We use condoms

*fund, not find

bagsofbats · 29/04/2023 08:02

Yes after a healthy 2nd child after 2 miscarriages and a stillbirth, he felt it was the least he could do.

Bovrilla · 29/04/2023 08:03

Nope. Got me a mirena and no periods instead.

ThankmelaterOkay · 29/04/2023 08:03

WeWereInParis · 29/04/2023 08:00

No. He made a GP appointment to discuss a month or so ago, and it turns out the NHS doesn't find them in our area anymore. We'll pay privately for it at some point, but not right now. We use condoms

Where do you live?!?

That is shocking!

TheNachtzehrer · 29/04/2023 08:06

@NameChangeMumma23 what a prize you have there, with his deep concern for your health and his deep commitment to his existing children 🤔I always find it so charming when men take their commitment to their existing children so lightly that they're like "sure, might have some more with someone else, no need to consider whether I actually have the financial, emotional and practical bandwidth for that!"

electricmoccasins · 29/04/2023 08:07

Yes. When our much-longed-for and only child was two. We were 37 and 43. We knew we were done. I was struggling with hormonal contraception and he said he would do it. I was actually more reluctant than he was, but he didn't bat an eyelid really. A day or two later he was fine. All of my friends' partners have refused though.

updin · 29/04/2023 08:11

Yep, discussed but he very much took the lead on it, he's watched me since I was 17 battle with hormonal contraception, unplanned pregnancies (even one with the coil fitted) he did it very willingly.

updin · 29/04/2023 08:12

Also, we both feel very strongly about not having anymore children, however life changes.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 29/04/2023 08:12

DH had vasectomy when our youngest DC was around 6 or 7 and we had finally decided there wouldn't be a third. Used condoms up to that point as I could no longer take combined pill (migraines) and couldn't face having a coil fitted.

I didn't pressure him, but I was very glad he took responsibility. It helped that several of his peers had made the same decision.

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 08:13

I’m pregnant with my second and final and he’s already booked in.

Minierme · 29/04/2023 08:13

Not yet, but in our circle of friends it’s very common and open. Most of the gents have had or plan to get the snip.

Robin233 · 29/04/2023 08:14

I’d like to sit the 1% or less down that do experience pain, and try to measure it. I imagine it’s the amount of pain a woman would barely register.

-^^^^^^^
That's not really fair.
I sat with a young man outside the doctors (I was at work ) he was in tears, had this pain for a long time and nothing could be done ....I think of him sometimes and hope he's ok now.
And for the record my dh's pain threshold is way higher than mine - worked with broken toes etc.

updin · 29/04/2023 08:14

@NameChangeMumma23 your 'D'H is a pathetic, selfish arsehole.

AnotherEmma · 29/04/2023 08:15

NameChangeMumma23 · 29/04/2023 07:38

Nope, he won't.

Even though we are married and I've been advised not to have any more for health reasons, had awful pregnancies, prem babies, pre eclampsia, hellp syndrome, then c sections with post partum haemorrhages and blood transfusions both times.

Also can't take or use anything hormonal for health reasons (massive family risk of cardiac issues and my blood pressure rises whenever I tried anything hormonal). I also can't be sterilised as I can only have "essential" or life saving surgery as I have a tendency to bleed a lot during surgery.

He's worried it will hurt, that sex will feel different and he also said that just because he doesn't want anymore children with me doesn't mean he wouldn't want anymore with anyone else if we broke up. Really hasn't done my mental health any good him saying that.

So we just use condoms. Works well as we've never had an unplanned pregnancy or a scare.

That said, I'm petrified of getting pregnant as id be recommended a termination by all medics. But that in itself would be risky too 😭

Reading this back has made me realise how selfish he is. He is essentially putting my health at risk as he's too pig ignorant to have a snip.

That's awful. I don't know how you can bring yourself to have PIV sex with him, tbh Flowers

Robin233 · 29/04/2023 08:15

Just had bil went after ds third child
Absolutely fine.

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