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Original poster

If you're not wanting any or any more children as a couple, has your man's had the snip?

193 replies

Haleluljaa · 29/04/2023 00:31

Interested as it seems that the onus of prevention still seems to be on women, even in this day and age, and with all of the options available to men.

I've just had THE lightbulb moment that it's all been on me, when it would actually have been so much easier if my male partner had taken some responsibility

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 29/04/2023 10:27

Robin233 · 29/04/2023 08:14

I’d like to sit the 1% or less down that do experience pain, and try to measure it. I imagine it’s the amount of pain a woman would barely register.

-^^^^^^^
That's not really fair.
I sat with a young man outside the doctors (I was at work ) he was in tears, had this pain for a long time and nothing could be done ....I think of him sometimes and hope he's ok now.
And for the record my dh's pain threshold is way higher than mine - worked with broken toes etc.

Usually if the pain can’t be resolved a reversal is done

DEtU · 29/04/2023 10:51

Currently in discussion about it.

We hoped for a second child for quite a few years, I have possible PCOS, also have a blocked FT. Despite clomid for 6 months we weren't able to conceive.

DH had said many years ago that if / when we had 2 (as hoped for) that he would have the snip after.

I'd pretty much given up on a second a year ago and late last year brought up with dh whether he was still willing to have the snip or whether I needed to sort an alternative, not wanting to end up late 30s / early 40s and pregnant despite not being able to for years.

He said he hadn't given up on another child yet, and would still be happy if it happened, but that he was ready whenever I was as it has a much bigger impact on me. I realised I definitely was, and had actually. So much I decided I wasn't having sex again without contraception. Which was apparently a few weeks too late already!

I'm now 19 weeks pregnant. It's taken me a long time to adapt my brain to this!

I'm adamant I'm not risking a 3rd though. Trying to get him to make a decision on the snip. I want him to get referred ASAP if he's doing it so there are no accidents after this baby is born.

MyMachineAndMe · 29/04/2023 11:39

Yes and it was his idea. I asked the GP if they'd do me but they said no so dh went and asked if they'd do him and they said yes. It was about a year after our youngest was born.

SleazyLizzard · 29/04/2023 11:41

Yes

Qilin · 29/04/2023 11:45

Most of the older (late 30s+) male friends we have, who are in longer term relationships/marriages, have done so - and willingly done so. Done as soon as they decided not to have more children. It still seems very common for men to do ime.

DH hasn’t but that’s because we haven’t needed him to. He would have done though.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 29/04/2023 11:47

Yes, his idea

roundtable · 29/04/2023 11:49

Not yet but he's booked in 🎉

SistersNotCisters · 29/04/2023 11:52

Yes but it took years and an ultimatum to make him step up and take on the contraception responsibility.

I've always taken pills and I've put up with all the side effects for 20 years with DH and all the years before him. I've had all the pregnancies and the births to deal with. I've had to heal from the pregnancies. I've had to live in constant hunger of dieting. I've had to fight and knacker myself out trying to work out to try and lose the seemingly irreversible changes pregnancy and birth caused to my body. I suffered pain for weeks during and after the births while my body healed. But I accepted that.

DH just poked his stick in a hole.

That's it.

I told him that I was done with taking mood and body altering pills to stop him from impregnating me any more and it was up to him now. He hates condoms and didn't like the idea of abstinence. So unless there was another way, his choice was a quick 30 minute 'Operation' and a week of slightly tender balls. Far less discomfort that I had to endure multiple times.

bobby81 · 29/04/2023 11:53

Yes. It was the best option for us as a couple.

SallyWD · 29/04/2023 11:58

No but I had children late and will be menopausal soon anyway!
To be honest, I wouldn't really want DH to. He's younger than me and I always think what if I got run over tomorrow and he meets someone else. He wouldn't be able to have children with her. Or heaven forbid - we split up! I think this is very unlikely but I don't see the need for him to permanently remove the option to have more children if ever we're not together.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 29/04/2023 11:59

DH went to the GP to get a referral for a vasectomy when our youngest was born 10 years ago. He hasn’t contacted the clinic to book the procedure yet though. We’re just using condoms which suits me fine, DH isn’t a fan but clearly not so bothered that he’ll sort the snip.

Madamecastafiore · 29/04/2023 12:29

Yes. I got pregnant first month of trying with our 3. He came home to me crying holding DC3 (we'd planned 4) big age gap between first 2 and number 3, DC3 was a nightmare, health issues around feeding and sleeping and I just said we'd not cope with another.

He booked it himself, was in and out in less than an hour and no problems since. It was a big thing for him because he'd had an emergency operation on his tackle when a teenager and had a lot of therapy and issues around it but he realised after 3 pregnancies and reconstructive surgery for me after the middle one that it was his turn to step and and ensure that we didn't have any more.

I was literally psychotic with the mirena coil and the thought of that monster appearing again definitely scared him, he wanted his normal wife back and to be able to not worry about having to make the decision about termination (I wouldn't have had one anyway) if we had an accident.

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 12:56

Soontobe60 · 29/04/2023 09:36

I can imagine that losing the ability to get an erection or lifelong pain in one’s testicles is quite a scary prospect?

Show quote history

So are the multitude of ‘fun’ and not uncommon complications associated with pregnancy, like prolapse, haemorrhage, hysterectomy, permanent pelvic pain, adhesions, diastasis recti, back pain, stretch marks, complications during labour resulting in danger for mother and baby…

It takes 15 minutes and is done in the GP surgery. I think some men need to getteth a grip.

updin · 29/04/2023 13:08

I always think what if I got run over tomorrow and he meets someone else. He wouldn't be able to have children with her.

I don't understand this mentality, the current children don't disappear, why must every relationship have children? DH and I are of the view we have had our children, whatever the future holds we won't be having more just because a relationship has ended.

HamBone · 29/04/2023 13:57

@updin Yes, my DH(50) is quite happy with our two, he doesn’t want to start another family, even if he swaps me for a younger model!

FixItDuck · 29/04/2023 14:01

No- I was always quite happy on the pill. I think at some point he said something about he'd rather not but would discuss it if I was keen but we never bothered as I didn't particularly want him to. And now I'm too old so no need!

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 29/04/2023 14:02

Another one adding in that DH had the snip, willingly and totally of his own volition after the birth of our second DC.

Hormonal contraception destroys my libido, he didn't want to use condoms (I don't mind, its an easy cleanup for me 😂🤣) and neither of us want more children regardless of what happens in the future. It was a no brainer.

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 29/04/2023 14:06

SallyWD · 29/04/2023 11:58

No but I had children late and will be menopausal soon anyway!
To be honest, I wouldn't really want DH to. He's younger than me and I always think what if I got run over tomorrow and he meets someone else. He wouldn't be able to have children with her. Or heaven forbid - we split up! I think this is very unlikely but I don't see the need for him to permanently remove the option to have more children if ever we're not together.

The decision is his, not yours anyway so all these what if thoughts on your part are pretty irrelevant.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 29/04/2023 14:07

Yes, so have most of his friends and colleagues

oddwellingtonboots · 29/04/2023 14:13

ExP had it done after the birth of our son (that was my first DC and his third). My DP now hasn't, even though neither of us want children. I'm happy to take the pill as it works wonders for my skin and I don't have any periods.

Notateacheranymore · 29/04/2023 14:27

Childfree by choice and married 25 years, aged 47. I was 42 when I had a hysterectomy that I had been asking for since I was about 25.

I wanted it for two reasons. Firstly, I’ve never wanted children. Always imagined myself married as a child but never really engaged with dolls that I was bought as gifts. I had a dolls pram but my animal soft toys spent more time in it than any dolls! And I disliked having to remember contraception whether the daily pill or later, depo provera and then implants.

Secondly, my menstrual cycle as a teenager was either all or nothing from 11 1/2, until they stopped altogether when I was 15. I started taking the pill a few months after I started going out with DH, I was 18 1/2, I guess. And when the GP said “start taking the pills every day when your next period starts.” I said, “I don’t have them.” so off I went to the hospital and consultant confirmed PCOS and just said “you’ll likely struggle having kids” and when I asked about anything else, he just shrugged. I was so pissed off. Like, the only important aspect was the effect on my ability to have a baby.

If it was just the first part of my reasoning that was a factor, maybe DH would have had the snip, but him doing that wouldn’t help the second part. As it was my GP would/could not refer me until I reached my 40’s, for reasons I’m sure some of you have heard about (might change mind! Has anyone ever asked a newly pregnant woman!!!! 🤬) I was so happy even in the 4 weeks immediately after my op when I had to do the nightly heparin, anti-DVT injection. I really came to dread 5pm!!!

SallyWD · 29/04/2023 14:29

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 29/04/2023 14:06

The decision is his, not yours anyway so all these what if thoughts on your part are pretty irrelevant.

Show quote history

Yes, very true. As far as I know he's never considered it anyway. Not to say he wouldn't do it if I felt strongly about it though.

bananamum13 · 29/04/2023 14:32

My DP would but I'm happy on my contraception as it helps regulate my moods etc but if I didn't get on with it for any reason then yes he def would.

HamBone · 29/04/2023 14:34

Just to add that I was quite happy to have my tubes tied as well, but our doctors advised a vasectomy as it’s a far more minor operation. Yes, there’s always risks, but there are with any operation.

Oysterbabe · 29/04/2023 14:34

I'd very much like him too but it hasn't and I wouldn't force the issue. I'm done with hormones though so condoms it is. He complains about them every time and I tell him to get the snip every time.