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Original poster

DH burst through a locked door. In also to blame

407 replies

Burstdoor · 28/04/2023 18:43

Just trying to get this all down fairly quickly after it has happened. I'm upstairs needing a quiet five mins and my head is all over the place.

Our son 3.5 is a poo witholder and it is particularly bad right now. I am absolutely exhausted right now, and I guess I'm just so fed up with the witholding that I just lost patience.

So I had DS on the toilet and I showed him the poo goes to pooland app. My son was getting upset even watching it because he would likely do a poo if he did. So he was crying and saying he wanted daddy. Usually we give him 10 mins of sitting time then take him off. But I felt DS was sooooo close to pooping that I went and locked the door so my husband couldn't come in and take our son off the toilet. Son was crying for daddy saying he wanted off. DH tried the door and found it to be locked. He told me to unlock it and I said no.
Next thing I know he has punched the door in and the sort of frame where the lock was joine to has broken off the doorway.
Obviously this was scary to DS who was crying a lot at this point. I took ds off the toilet and there was a bit of soft poop around his bum so got it cleaned but I'm so fucked off because clearly he was close to doing a full poo and this whole episode has fucked it now AND our son is confused as to why daddy broke the door.
We downplayed the whole thing and have said daddy is naughty. DH has apologised.
But I messaged my mum and she's just telling me both are in the wrong.
I feel like, yes my action of locking the door and refusing to unlock it wasn't great but that doesn't mean it's ok to fucking smash through it in desperation to get to DS?

OP posts:
Original poster
Burstdoor · 28/04/2023 18:44

And I just feel fucking awful that ds witnessed all that.

We are not this kind of people at all. I've let my son down :( well, we have not just me.

OP posts:
Kitkatandcoffee · 28/04/2023 18:52

Poor child. Locking a child alone in a room because you want to force or frighten that child into poohing. What you did was awful and yes I would be breaking down the door to get to my child.
No wonder your child is withholding pooh when you have turned it into such a performance. Linked to punishment of staying on the toilet for ages.
If you child does not want to pooh say fine go and pooh when you need to. Take the pressure off your child. They may make mistakes have some messes to clean up but will not getting upset made to sit on a toilet for 10 minutes.

Dery · 28/04/2023 18:53

Smashing through the door was very dramatic but I would be really unhappy if someone locked a door against me to stop me getting to one of my children so I understand him somewhat too.

Cut yourself some slack - you’re dealing with something really tough and you’ve both messed up a bit. I have made some serious mistakes while parenting. I have let my DCs down. Most parents have. But most of us parent well enough most of the time - as do you. Are you getting some professional help for the poo-withholding? Sometimes just sharing with someone in the same position is enough.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 28/04/2023 18:53

Sounds like he's constipated. You're both in the wrong, you're both traumatising the poor kid and locking him in the bathroom is making him worse.

trevthecat · 28/04/2023 18:54

You have turned pooing into a punishment. Its not going to help at all. You are wrong to leave him crying on the toilet

FairlyNew · 28/04/2023 18:54

I'm sorry, I understand why you did it with the best of intentions but I do not think you should have locked the door. Your poor DS. You should have explained to your husband why you didn't want him to open the door and trusted him.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 28/04/2023 18:54

I'm reading it as the OP being inside the room with the child. Locking DH out was probably a bad idea, but breaking the door is a massive overreaction from him.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 28/04/2023 18:55

Also take him to the doctors he clearly needs laxido or movicol or something similar.

BadgerFacedCoo · 28/04/2023 18:55

This reply has been deleted

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ReadersD1gest · 28/04/2023 18:56

Kitkatandcoffee · 28/04/2023 18:52

Poor child. Locking a child alone in a room because you want to force or frighten that child into poohing. What you did was awful and yes I would be breaking down the door to get to my child.
No wonder your child is withholding pooh when you have turned it into such a performance. Linked to punishment of staying on the toilet for ages.
If you child does not want to pooh say fine go and pooh when you need to. Take the pressure off your child. They may make mistakes have some messes to clean up but will not getting upset made to sit on a toilet for 10 minutes.

Yeah, first post has it. That poor child is going to have some issues.

MichelleScarn · 28/04/2023 18:56

So you're child has issues and fears re toileting, he is distressed and crying for his dad who you've locked out of the bathroom and you are not letting the child off the loo and you think YOU are right?!
Absolutely I'd be coming through a door if my child was distressed and crying for me.

MrMarkham · 28/04/2023 18:56

Kitkatandcoffee · 28/04/2023 18:52

Poor child. Locking a child alone in a room because you want to force or frighten that child into poohing. What you did was awful and yes I would be breaking down the door to get to my child.
No wonder your child is withholding pooh when you have turned it into such a performance. Linked to punishment of staying on the toilet for ages.
If you child does not want to pooh say fine go and pooh when you need to. Take the pressure off your child. They may make mistakes have some messes to clean up but will not getting upset made to sit on a toilet for 10 minutes.

I disagree. Watching his dad break down the bathroom door will be far more traumatising than if he hadn't sent that. And he's now relying that horrible thing to going to the toilet. When you have a with holder you do everything you can to make them go so they don't end up in hospital. Sometimes you have to just sit them there until they go or they never will!

dietcokelime · 28/04/2023 18:56

I think you definitely shouldn't have locked the door - was DH over the top by breaking the lock and coming in? Possibly. But listening to a child crying for their parent + you acting irrationally (locking a door) would be red flags all over for the situation. Especially as you'd said you lost patience, I'd be worried listening to that through a locked door.

Can you take your DS to the drs? Have you accessed any therapy or anything for him?

Clymene · 28/04/2023 18:56

You locked a 3 year old in the toilet? ShockShockShockShock

Original poster
Burstdoor · 28/04/2023 18:56

No he wasn't alone i was with him trying to play games, show him the pooland app and just talk about the day etc.
We haven't put any pressure on at all because we did find this detrimental a year ago so we basically took the notion of not mentioning it at all and sticking to ten mins sitting time then taking him off and try again tomorrow.
But so far ds hasn't pooped in ten days. I'm worried about his colon being stretched. January he did a poo a day which was amazing and then he had a bout of sickness that's basically taken us back to day one of the issue. So now we aren't on a maintenance dose of laxative, it is full on four sachets a day etc.

So I know not to pressure but I locked the door because It really was like Ds was about to do the poo he was so so close and I didn't want DH to interrupt it

OP posts:
Remagirl · 28/04/2023 18:56

My nephew had this issue when small. Doctor prescribed suppositories, it took a couple of weeks but he quickly started going of his own accord.

ReadersD1gest · 28/04/2023 18:57

So I know not to pressure but I locked the door because It really was like Ds was about to do the poo he was so so close and I didn't want DH to interrupt it
😵‍💫

WilkinsonM · 28/04/2023 18:58

Burstdoor · 28/04/2023 18:56

No he wasn't alone i was with him trying to play games, show him the pooland app and just talk about the day etc.
We haven't put any pressure on at all because we did find this detrimental a year ago so we basically took the notion of not mentioning it at all and sticking to ten mins sitting time then taking him off and try again tomorrow.
But so far ds hasn't pooped in ten days. I'm worried about his colon being stretched. January he did a poo a day which was amazing and then he had a bout of sickness that's basically taken us back to day one of the issue. So now we aren't on a maintenance dose of laxative, it is full on four sachets a day etc.

So I know not to pressure but I locked the door because It really was like Ds was about to do the poo he was so so close and I didn't want DH to interrupt it

Why couldn't you use your words to explain that to your husband instead of locking the door? This is so dysfunctional. Both of you!

Bagofmaltesers · 28/04/2023 18:58

I think that both you and your husband are guilty of extremely stupid behaviour. Your poor wee son! How was the action of either of you going to help?

SquirrellyTheSquirrel · 28/04/2023 18:58

I’m really hoping this isn’t your child’s earliest memory as they grow.

Original poster
Burstdoor · 28/04/2023 18:58

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 28/04/2023 18:55

Also take him to the doctors he clearly needs laxido or movicol or something similar.

We've been on laxido for years. I think even as a baby he was constipated and that stretched his colon and so now he can really hold a lot of poop his tummy gets huge and he stops eating.
I just got a new prescription of a stimulant laxative tonight so hopefully that works tomorrow

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 28/04/2023 18:59

Why would you lock your DH out, why could you have not just told him you think he needs another minute, you sound really controlling and if I was your DH I would be beyond furious with you locking me out.

Original poster
Burstdoor · 28/04/2023 18:59

SquirrellyTheSquirrel · 28/04/2023 18:58

I’m really hoping this isn’t your child’s earliest memory as they grow.

I know. I agree and I am super worried about it.

Right now they are all playing together and he's happy enough. I do wonder what he will remember :(

OP posts:
Clymene · 28/04/2023 18:59

Apologies - I thought you'd locked him in on his own.

But I agree with your mum. Making this into a source of tension between you is just going to exacerbate things.

Original poster
Burstdoor · 28/04/2023 19:00

TomatoSandwiches · 28/04/2023 18:59

Why would you lock your DH out, why could you have not just told him you think he needs another minute, you sound really controlling and if I was your DH I would be beyond furious with you locking me out.

Because if I say that DH just takes him off and then we are another day of no poop. I wouldn't have done it if I thought he wasn't going to poo tonight but I felt there was a bit of progress with how DS was sitting tonight. He is dancing and hopping leg to leg to keep it in

OP posts: