DH burst through a locked door. In also to blame

[Burstdoor]

Just trying to get this all down fairly quickly after it has happened. I'm upstairs needing a quiet five mins and my head is all over the place.

Our son 3.5 is a poo witholder and it is particularly bad right now. I am absolutely exhausted right now, and I guess I'm just so fed up with the witholding that I just lost patience.

So I had DS on the toilet and I showed him the poo goes to pooland app. My son was getting upset even watching it because he would likely do a poo if he did. So he was crying and saying he wanted daddy. Usually we give him 10 mins of sitting time then take him off. But I felt DS was sooooo close to pooping that I went and locked the door so my husband couldn't come in and take our son off the toilet. Son was crying for daddy saying he wanted off. DH tried the door and found it to be locked. He told me to unlock it and I said no.
Next thing I know he has punched the door in and the sort of frame where the lock was joine to has broken off the doorway.
Obviously this was scary to DS who was crying a lot at this point. I took ds off the toilet and there was a bit of soft poop around his bum so got it cleaned but I'm so fucked off because clearly he was close to doing a full poo and this whole episode has fucked it now AND our son is confused as to why daddy broke the door.
We downplayed the whole thing and have said daddy is naughty. DH has apologised.
But I messaged my mum and she's just telling me both are in the wrong.
I feel like, yes my action of locking the door and refusing to unlock it wasn't great but that doesn't mean it's ok to fucking smash through it in desperation to get to DS?

Yay 😄
Something good might have come from this. A climax, realisation, and then the moving on, Clever little ones.

Oh OP. I really feel for you. And to PP, unless you’ve had a poo witholder you have absolutely no idea how stressful this is. Completely takes over your life; normal social interactions are impossible because of the soiling, everything seems to revolve around doing a poo, and then you get a few days of normal life after a poo day, before the stress of waiting for the next one…I remember sinking to my knees in tears in the GPs waiting room because I just couldn’t take any more…
It will get better; mine is now 17 (and still quite an infrequent poo-er; twice a week is his normal, and are such logs we need a ‘poo knife’ to get them to flush!!) And he has no memory of any of it!
You and your DH must be so exhausted by it. Be kind to yourselves x

Show me a parent that hasn't made a mistake......

Hope your son feels better soon op.

Wow, honestly OP I really feel for you.

There are some batshit crazy fuckers on here aren’t there?! Firstly if you’ve never experienced a child who is a witholder you’ll never ever understand how it takes over your life. It’s so difficult to get the meds right, toilet sits, increase fibre etc. and add in a load of unhelpful comments saying “take him to the drs” or “don’t stress about it” oh yeah why didn’t I think of that. Come onnnn, if you’ve nothing helpful to say, don’t speak.

As someone else mentioned, join movicol mummies on Fb. Those people get it, no judgement just lots of advice. I see he’s been started on pico which is a game changer for a lot of children.

As for the husband, if mine broke down a door he’d have had his bags packed and his mother can deal with that sort of behaviour. People saying he was reacting as his child called out, funnily enough kids do that when they’re doing something they don’t want to do. He was in the toilet with his mum, not some random stranger. And no if roles were reversed I wouldn’t be changing my answer here, violence is never ok. I’d be thinking Christ poor Dad is having a hard time in there dealing wiIf you think this is a normal reaction, then there’s no hope is there.

I very much doubt that my post is going to put anyone off posting FFS!! How twisted!

Glad that today has been a better day.

I think that you and your DH have just been very tense/stressed/worried @Burstdoor and that manifested itself in both of your actions in the situation. Never mind the perfect parent brigade. I doubt your DH is going to turn out to be some axe-murderer!!

Well I’m too long in the tooth to be scared off, for sure. But it’s certainly not encouraging anyone else.