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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dodgy text message on dh’s phone

300 replies

Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 18:52

Just found a dodgy message on my dh’s phone from an unknown number.

“Hi babe I’m going to be back down tomorrow for the day.”

What do you make of it? Is there a way of tracking it? An app or something?

I don’t think I can face ringing it…

Is he having an affair? What do I do tomorrow? Help!!!

OP posts:
Choconut · 27/04/2023 19:07

Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 19:05

Our relationship hasn’t been good for a while so I was snooping.

He lets our dc play on his phone regularly and it’s never attached to him so thought it unlikely he’d be hiding messages.

Oh no, do you have any idea who it might be? Does he have mentionitus about anyone at work?

alltoowe · 27/04/2023 19:10

Upload the number to your phone and open WhatsApp.. see the profile photo. Or put it into Facebook and see if anyone comes up xx

CurlewKate · 27/04/2023 19:11

I think that you checked his phone so you suspect him already. You won't ask him. There is no trust. It's as good as over. If he's innocent, he'll be so understandably hurt and upset because you didn't ask him about it that itNa probably broken anyway.

Weallgottachangesometime · 27/04/2023 19:11

id Probably start tonight saying I was feeling sick and might call in work ill and see how he reacts. then see if there are any messages sent to cancel.

Esmejane81 · 27/04/2023 19:12

I was going to say the same thing… what made you check his phone in the first place, do you already have a feeling somethings not right?

Jellifulfruit · 27/04/2023 19:21

Have you saved the number on your phone and checked if it has a WhatsApp message?

id also google the mobile number (in all variations - 07 and +44) to see if it’s linked to anything like a business.

I’d also search It on Facebook to see if it’s linked to an account. Maybe get a name. Then go back on OH phone and search said name in WhatsApp/messages/emails to see if it brought anything up.

if I was feeling really bold I’d put my phone on no caller ID and give it a buzz, just to listen to the voice of who answered 😬

Jellifulfruit · 27/04/2023 19:23

Jellifulfruit · 27/04/2023 19:21

Have you saved the number on your phone and checked if it has a WhatsApp message?

id also google the mobile number (in all variations - 07 and +44) to see if it’s linked to anything like a business.

I’d also search It on Facebook to see if it’s linked to an account. Maybe get a name. Then go back on OH phone and search said name in WhatsApp/messages/emails to see if it brought anything up.

if I was feeling really bold I’d put my phone on no caller ID and give it a buzz, just to listen to the voice of who answered 😬

WhatsApp photo** not message

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 27/04/2023 19:23

Add the number to you WhatsApp & see if there's a picture.

Google in the number - use both the local version & the long 0044 number

Put the number into both Facebook and LinkedIn

Hide your number on your mobile & then call the number putting the 5 between the prefix and the number to listen to their voicemail.

If none of that works, surprise meeting tomorrow.

pensionconfusion · 27/04/2023 19:24

Jellifulfruit · 27/04/2023 19:21

Have you saved the number on your phone and checked if it has a WhatsApp message?

id also google the mobile number (in all variations - 07 and +44) to see if it’s linked to anything like a business.

I’d also search It on Facebook to see if it’s linked to an account. Maybe get a name. Then go back on OH phone and search said name in WhatsApp/messages/emails to see if it brought anything up.

if I was feeling really bold I’d put my phone on no caller ID and give it a buzz, just to listen to the voice of who answered 😬

Definitely do this ^

NBLarsen · 27/04/2023 19:24

Text it back from his phone "remind me, what's the plan?" then keep his phone ready for the reply.

ellephant · 27/04/2023 19:26

I would hold my nerve for tonight. See what tomorrow brings. Can you go home on a lunch break to check in?
Keep note of the number. Could be entirely in innocent so keep an open mind, but I would quietly investigate

GoodnightJude1 · 27/04/2023 19:29

I hope it’s a message sent in error OP. I’ve been where you are and it’s such a horrible feeling 💐

Treacletoots · 27/04/2023 19:30

Catch up quickly OP. You know what this is. You need to get ahead of him. Have you got a ring doorbell? If not you can download software that acts like a security camera, to an old phone and set it up.

You need to catch him. But before you blow your cover you need to get your ducks in a row before you announce it. Flip the balance of power so you're the one in control of the situation.

Keep your powder dry until you're in a position of power. Of course you don't ask him, unless you want to be gaslit and for him to keep a closer eye on his secret in future.

DogInATent · 27/04/2023 19:31

Google the number.

There's a good chance it's a scam. I usually get these types of message on WhatsApp, occasionally as a SMS. They're deliberately vague - "babe" rather than a name, and avoiding saying where they're going to be. As a scam it's either a premium rate number or they're fishing for the sort of person that replies to this type of random message.

SoosanCarter · 27/04/2023 19:35

I’m quite old. Many years ago I rang my parents phone number but made an error.
A man answered. “Oh, you’re not my father “ I said.
chap said “I’ve been expecting to hear that all my life”. 🤣🤣🤣

we ended up having quite a nice chat.

AgnesX · 27/04/2023 19:37

If he WFH where's he going tomorrow?

Choconut · 27/04/2023 19:46

If it's an unknown number and there's no number to call or link in the message then it couldn't be a scam could it?

Original poster
Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 19:50

There’s no WhatsApp photo.

How do I block caller id? Sorry I’m a complete technohoper…

I think I will call voicemail. They def won’t know I’ve done it will they if I block caller id?

OP posts:
LiliLil · 27/04/2023 19:51

Just put 141 in front of the number and dial

Original poster
Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 19:55

He wfh and very occasionally (once every six weeks) goes into London. He’s freelance and is a workaholic so have had no reason to be suspicious of this.

It’s weird that the sender has said ‘back down’ because we used to live up north but moved to London about 18 years ago. Could it be someone from way back?

No-one calls him babe. That’s also weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 20:03

Ok. Just called the number, it rang for ages.

No-one picked up and it was the sort of voicemail which is pre-recorded and leaves a space for you to record your name - which they hadn’t done. I’m none the wiser but feeling a tad more optimistic that it’s a scam.

OP posts:
Shitsville123 · 27/04/2023 20:09

Have you searched the number on Google?

CatticusFinch · 27/04/2023 20:12

Surely if it was someone he knew, it wouldn't be an unknown number??

Original poster
Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 20:13

Google is not coming up with anything.

OP posts:
Modda · 27/04/2023 20:14

I would call again tomorrow.

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