Page 12 | Dodgy text message on dh’s phone

Ithinktherefore · 2023-04-27T17:52:16+00:00

Just found a dodgy message on my dh’s phone from an unknown number. “Hi babe I’m going to be back down tomorrow for the day.” What do you make of it? Is there a way of tracking it? An app or something? I don’t think I can face ringing it… Is he having an affair? What do I do tomorrow? Help!!!

AlloPeciaMam · 28/04/2023 23:21

Liorae · 28/04/2023 23:20

I get texts like that on at least a weekly basis.

Show quote history

I’ve sent a few (cringe!)

Original poster

Ithinktherefore · 28/04/2023 23:32

Shapemyeyebrows · 28/04/2023 21:40

@Ithinktherefore Sorry but I think there’s more to this than it being just a scam text. Maybe if it was just the text on its own but you’ve admitted you are having relationship issues, you found this message that sounds very specific (not a generic scam text) saying they are around the next day then lo and behold the same day this text mentions your partners work “falls through”? Are you not thinking he went out and met this person?

I can see how it would seem that way but his work does fall through at the last minute sometimes. He would never cancel a day of work, unless there was a life/death scenario, for a number of reasons (cost of living crisis being one of them) it just wouldn’t happen.

I can see from the app that he went for a walk in the countryside and then stopped in town for a coffee for half an hour on the way home. There’s no way he’d risk seeing another woman in broad daylight in our town - it would be front page news within the hour.

Also, I got home to find he’d done lots of housework before doing the afternoon school run. I’m just not sure where he would have found the time to do all that as well as meet someone for a quickie.

I know I’m still none the wiser about the text but maybe I just need to live with that. I haven’t checked his phone today but I suspect it’s been deleted.

OP posts:

GuineaPigPosie · 29/04/2023 00:01

Front page news? Who's your husband?

Blueeyedmale · 29/04/2023 00:13

But if you just let it go it might just not go away in your head it will just be in the back of your mind, and you say the marriage is not right, also he's got you tickets done the housework sounds like a bit of a guilty conscience, and also you must have had some doubts to check the phone in the first place

Shapemyeyebrows · 29/04/2023 00:14

@Ithinktherefore All you can do then is keep it in mind. You know your partner best and what is / isn’t normal for him. From both personal and others experience though, don’t be so quick to dismiss that he wouldn’t dare be seen out with another woman, or that he wouldn’t of had the time. The amount of times I’ve heard this … yet somehow the cheating partner has been out publicly/ found the time. Also doing lots of housework (if that’s not normally in his nature) can be a sign of guilt, or trying to ensure there’s no signs that someone else has been there. However, if you believe it’s all innocent and your gut is saying the same then that’s fair enough. Like I say, you know him best x

Theos · 29/04/2023 04:08

starynight63 · 27/04/2023 18:57

Save the number in your phone as 'unknown' or something, then load WhatsApp and go to message them.. will show a profile picture & maybe name!!
I hope it's an error 😫

I have mine saved so only contacts can see my pic.

LemonTreeSkies · 29/04/2023 06:03

OP I see no issue.
as I said before, I’ve had these weird texts. I’ve also had texts sent to me by mistake.
i don’t mention them to DH. They’re of no interest to me, no reason I’d bore DH with them either.

Kaiserchief · 29/04/2023 06:04

Arxx · 28/04/2023 22:29

For people saying wrong number.. when was the last time you received a text to the wrong number? I can’t think of any ever 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just checked, 14th April someone texted me asking me to help him fit a kitchen. No idea who he is.

GoodChat · 29/04/2023 06:59

GuineaPigPosie · 29/04/2023 00:01

Front page news? Who's your husband?

She said it'd be front page news in her town, which means they know lots of people and he's a popular person, which makes sense if he's self-employed.

gannett · 29/04/2023 08:23

Incredible. Even when the OP updates to say her suspicions have been allayed and all is OK, there are posters who desperately want it to be an affair.

Almost5lady · 29/04/2023 08:36

You do what’s right for you. You know your partner better than anyone else.

GuinnessBird · 29/04/2023 08:50

This thread is mental, it's like some posters want the husband to be having an affair so they feel less shit about their awful marriages.

I get spam texts and emails etc every week, why would I tell my husband about every single one? If he looked in my spam folder he'd think that I'm getting Tinder matches left right and centre and that I'm getting shagged senseless every day.

Some of you need to get a life.

Blueeyedmale · 29/04/2023 10:25

I don't think anyone wants him to be having an affair and I'm not a regular here but I seriously doubt that there would be people wishing that on someone else.

But sometimes love or keeping a family together can blind us, I did not want to believe my partner was having an affair having another man around whilst our son was home, despite neighbors telling me she was having him around whilst I was working trying to provide for my family.

I ignored it due to the fact I wanted my son to have a family, until one day she confessed to being pregnant by another man, I'm not saying he is having an affair and think people are just keeping an open mind, by her own admission the marriage is not great.

Maybe it's just coincidence the marriage is not great, she sees the text and then he's buying tickets and doing the housework

Shapemyeyebrows · 29/04/2023 10:30

Blueeyedmale · 29/04/2023 10:25

I don't think anyone wants him to be having an affair and I'm not a regular here but I seriously doubt that there would be people wishing that on someone else.

But sometimes love or keeping a family together can blind us, I did not want to believe my partner was having an affair having another man around whilst our son was home, despite neighbors telling me she was having him around whilst I was working trying to provide for my family.

I ignored it due to the fact I wanted my son to have a family, until one day she confessed to being pregnant by another man, I'm not saying he is having an affair and think people are just keeping an open mind, by her own admission the marriage is not great.

Maybe it's just coincidence the marriage is not great, she sees the text and then he's buying tickets and doing the housework

agree 100% with this

redskylight · 29/04/2023 11:30

GuinnessBird · 29/04/2023 08:50

This thread is mental, it's like some posters want the husband to be having an affair so they feel less shit about their awful marriages.

I get spam texts and emails etc every week, why would I tell my husband about every single one? If he looked in my spam folder he'd think that I'm getting Tinder matches left right and centre and that I'm getting shagged senseless every day.

Some of you need to get a life.

Yep. You can pretty much guarantee that any post on Relationships about a DP/DH will get a chorus of LTB or "he's having an affair". I realise that it slightly comes with the territory in that people tend to post here when they are having relationship problems, and a lot of the people that respond have sadly had bad experiences in the past.

But I do think people allow the fact that their ex-DP/DH had an affair to mean that all DPs and DHs are having affairs.

Taken in isolation, the most likely scenario here is that it's a wrong number/scam message. And DH hasn't mentioned it because, as posters have said, if your number gets into the wrong hands, you end up getting these messages every other day.
Yes, it's true that some women may be blind to their DH/DP's faults but surely if the relationship is otherwise good, you start with "simple explanation".

My DH goes for a walk most evenings. Yesterday he was gone longer than usual and he claims this was because his usual path was flooded and he had to go a longer way round. If I posted this in Relationships, I wonder how many people would be telling me that he's not really going for a walk, he's having an affair, and the longer walk yesterday is a sign that he's preparing to leave me?

[The path actually is flooded; but I guess that doesn't matter].

ConcernedCatmother · 29/04/2023 12:08

Does he have an iPhone?

If so, go to messages, click “EDIT” (top left) and then “SHOW RECENTLY DELECTED” it will show any messages he has deleted in the last 30 days.

GoodChat · 29/04/2023 13:22

ConcernedCatmother · 29/04/2023 12:08

Does he have an iPhone?

If so, go to messages, click “EDIT” (top left) and then “SHOW RECENTLY DELECTED” it will show any messages he has deleted in the last 30 days.

Mine only gives options of Select Messages, Edit Pins, Edit Names and Photos

ConcernedCatmother · 29/04/2023 14:16

This will be because;

You have not deleted any iPhone messages in the last 30 days

or

Your phone needs the latest iOS update installed 😊

ConcernedCatmother · 29/04/2023 14:16

@GoodChat message above is for you xx

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/04/2023 14:22

ConcernedCatmother · 29/04/2023 12:08

Does he have an iPhone?

If so, go to messages, click “EDIT” (top left) and then “SHOW RECENTLY DELECTED” it will show any messages he has deleted in the last 30 days.

Oh that's Clever. Never knew that

It didn't show anything as I haven't deleted anything

I then deleted a text from dh and it pops up showing recently deleted and when

GoodChat · 29/04/2023 15:20

ConcernedCatmother · 29/04/2023 14:16

@GoodChat message above is for you xx

Ahh, thank you! I haven't deleted any so that'll be it

myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses · 03/05/2023 11:14

Arxx · 28/04/2023 22:29

For people saying wrong number.. when was the last time you received a text to the wrong number? I can’t think of any ever 🤷🏼‍♀️

Quite often. I've got 2 sets of "double digits" in my number so it does happen a lot to me.
As far as I know I
a) didn't have a threesome that night (see my previous post)
b) don't order taxi's in Southampton (I think that company has my number stored)
c) don't have a boat moored anywhere
And don't even get started on the mis-dialled calls.

CruCru · 03/05/2023 11:30

I am a middle aged woman and get loads of these sorts of messages - I often block randoms who try this sort of thing.

It's possible that the husband is up to no good but it is more likely that it is a scam or a wrong number.

Bookworm20 · 03/05/2023 14:59

How many of you have ended good relationships based on your Jessica Fletcher far fetched theories?

I'm guessing none have ended good relationships based on a theory. Which is why when something feels wrong, people look for actual evidence of something being wrong. Which includes starting to question little things which don't feel quite right. I wouldn't end a relationship based on a hunch, but if that hunch was bugging me enough and I felt something wasn't quite adding up, of course I'd look for something concrete to either confirm to alleviate said hunch.

redskylight · 03/05/2023 15:43

Bookworm20 · 03/05/2023 14:59

How many of you have ended good relationships based on your Jessica Fletcher far fetched theories?

I'm guessing none have ended good relationships based on a theory. Which is why when something feels wrong, people look for actual evidence of something being wrong. Which includes starting to question little things which don't feel quite right. I wouldn't end a relationship based on a hunch, but if that hunch was bugging me enough and I felt something wasn't quite adding up, of course I'd look for something concrete to either confirm to alleviate said hunch.

But what if you look for something and don't find anything either way. You don't find any evidence that your DH is having an affair, but it's possible he's sneaking out to see someone in his lunch break at work, or when he claims to be out for a run. The thought is in your head now. You either let it go or let the relationship go.