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Original poster

Dating while pregnant

318 replies

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 16:07

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

OP posts:
MilkshakeEarthquake · 18/04/2023 16:25

I could never do it and I’ve been single and pregnant so not just saying it. Personally couldn’t think of anything worse 😅

TheSnowyOwl · 18/04/2023 16:27

It seems a weird priority to have right now.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 18/04/2023 16:45

There will be some people to whom this is a fetish or kink. I can't imagine you would enjoy it though, surely way to soon.

GreyCarpet · 18/04/2023 17:01

I can't imagine anything less appealing or important at 18 weeks pregnant tbh.

I'd also be wary of the sort of man who'd be willing to have sex with a recently separated pregnant stranger.

You say you might not mention it but you will be showing soon if not already.

peechie · 18/04/2023 17:02

I've been single and pregnant. I was just excited for the baby, last thing I was thinking of was dating apps.

Focus on your pregnancy. Nothing good will come of dating when pregnant. There are so many reasons not to. Just stay single.

Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 17:28

I'm lonely and I miss physical intimacy, which I think is quite normal especially after a break up? Anyway I didn't ask for judgment or advice against it, I asked for advice on how to go about it.

You can't really tell I'm pregnant and as mentioned, not looking for a long-term relationship.

OP posts:
MilkshakeEarthquake · 18/04/2023 17:31

Well you know how to date? So what advice do you want? Join the apps but don’t lie about it as some men won’t like it and that could put you in a position you don’t want to be in, just be honest but not on your profile (but certainly before meeting) as that will attract those that have a fetish. You are going to have to get use to being lonely though as being a single mum is generally a lonely isolating time

Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 17:39

MilkshakeEarthquake · 18/04/2023 17:31

Well you know how to date? So what advice do you want? Join the apps but don’t lie about it as some men won’t like it and that could put you in a position you don’t want to be in, just be honest but not on your profile (but certainly before meeting) as that will attract those that have a fetish. You are going to have to get use to being lonely though as being a single mum is generally a lonely isolating time

I don't think I have to accept being lonely though. I think it's a defeatist attitude to just accept it has to be that way. Which is why I'm trying to do something about it. Some people might not like it, but they're not in my shoes.

Why should a woman have to suffer when their partner leaves them just because they're pregnant. We don't suddenly turn into nuns :-). It doesn't harm the baby to date and obviously they will be my priority and I'll probably have no time for anyone one else once they arrive! But right now I'm sitting on my own at home feeling lonely after a nasty break-up and I know that some company would make me feel better.

OP posts:
DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:43

STI risk in pregnancy?

peechie · 18/04/2023 17:49

You don't have to be lonely, no. I'm totally with you that women should not have to punished because they're a mother and split with the dad for whatever reason.

But pregnancy is not a good time to date. I'd really leave it for now. Not old as in 18, but pregnancy is just not the right time imo.

1 There's STIs

2 you don't need a new relationship when you're about to go through such a live changing time,

3 Will the new BF be helping you with baby? How will you continue a relationship? You can't guarantee it's just sex when feelings are involved.

4 what happens if you get dumped or feel used? How will you handle that with a new baby?

5 I don't get what you're saying about not showing, you will show at some point unless it's just one nighters

User0ne · 18/04/2023 17:52

I was really horny in pregnancy so I understand your problem. I was lucky in that I have an accommodating DH.

To avoid weirdos/fetishes/potentially abusive people who see you as an easy target I'd invest in some good toys rather than trying to date. If you do have sex use condoms to protect your baby from any sti's that your partner may have.

Don't assume that you won't want sex post birth either. I've got 3dc and was "active" within 3 weeks of all of them.

Daisydu · 18/04/2023 17:54

Lots will tell you don’t date when pregnant but honestly you should if you want to. It’s not an illness. I’ve been single and pregnant twice, and I didn’t date but I would have. Absolutely I would have. It’s bloody lonely, and what’s the harm in a few dates. Just be careful like you should anyway, condoms ect. Have fun :)

Daisydu · 18/04/2023 17:55

DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:43

STI risk in pregnancy?

To be honest it’s a risk pregnant or not so just use condoms…

NewNovember · 18/04/2023 17:55

It's really grim to have casual sex when pregnant surely you know this. Plus you are putting your baby at potential risk as you won't know their sexual history. Nobody "needs" to have sex despite what you say so put your wants behind your unborn child.

DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:56

@Daisydu

It's only a risk to the baby if you're pregnancy.

DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:57

I'd judge this as much as smoking or drinking in pregnancy.

It's a few months, you can cope!

Derbee · 18/04/2023 17:57

Well it all seems a bit grim. You’ll either be a fetish, or you’ll be involved with men who are happy to have sex with a recently separated pregnant woman.

You’ll risk STIs and what that could mean for your baby. You certainly can’t meet anyone worthwhile for a serious relationship as you’re relocating.

You sound like you want sex. Which IS risky during pregnancy, when you’re meeting and sleeping with random men.

That said, what are you asking? You know the apps, you know how to date, and you clearly think it’s appropriate?

violetskypurple · 18/04/2023 17:58

It's a bit grim isn't it? Can't you wait a few months?

Daisydu · 18/04/2023 17:58

DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:56

@Daisydu

It's only a risk to the baby if you're pregnancy.

True. Of course something for op to think about

Viviennemary · 18/04/2023 18:00

No idea how to go about it. Online dating I suppose would spring to mind. Would you put it on your profile. No. Becuse it could attract unsavoury weirdo types. And you could catch an std. So many pitfalls.

Daisydu · 18/04/2023 18:00

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 17:28

I'm lonely and I miss physical intimacy, which I think is quite normal especially after a break up? Anyway I didn't ask for judgment or advice against it, I asked for advice on how to go about it.

You can't really tell I'm pregnant and as mentioned, not looking for a long-term relationship.

If you’re not showing, then on your dating profile no need to mention really, just say you’re only looking for something casual, or you’re open minded. Go on a couple dates see how it goes, you may want to tell them, you may not.. just see how it goes

Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:02

DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:43

STI risk in pregnancy?

Obviously I will use protection and not risk my baby that way!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:04

peechie · 18/04/2023 17:49

You don't have to be lonely, no. I'm totally with you that women should not have to punished because they're a mother and split with the dad for whatever reason.

But pregnancy is not a good time to date. I'd really leave it for now. Not old as in 18, but pregnancy is just not the right time imo.

1 There's STIs

2 you don't need a new relationship when you're about to go through such a live changing time,

3 Will the new BF be helping you with baby? How will you continue a relationship? You can't guarantee it's just sex when feelings are involved.

4 what happens if you get dumped or feel used? How will you handle that with a new baby?

5 I don't get what you're saying about not showing, you will show at some point unless it's just one nighters

Obviously I would be very careful RE STIs - I always am anyway. Points 2 - 5 are irrelevant because I'm not looking for anything serious, as mentioned several times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:05

DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:57

I'd judge this as much as smoking or drinking in pregnancy.

It's a few months, you can cope!

It's not a few months as I'm moving in with my parents and will have a young baby - from now it'll likely be over a year. I won't have time to date or really have my own space for a long time. My priority will be my baby. But right now I do have time and space.

OP posts:
violetskypurple · 18/04/2023 18:06

Obviously I will use protection and not risk my baby that way!

Isn't meeting up with strangers to have sex risky to you and your baby though?