Dating while pregnant

[Bunny44]

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

So you've already had one STI while pregnant and even that hasn't put you off?

Bloody hell.

I can't believe this hasn't been taken down yet surely it's obviously a troll posting.

If you need treatment for another STI while pregnant, are you not concerned that it may trigger the involvement of social services?

No - that's not a thing, although I'm sure it would be if you were running the country. Are you sure you're not a troll?

The only people that I know off having STIs were both women in long term partnerships. I believe wholeheartedly that it can be something that can work between 2 consenting adults and I would not judge either of them. However OP, make sure you look after yourself emotionally if this is what you decide to do. What were the circumstances around your relationship? How long had you being together? Did you live together? Its hard enough on the rebound without pregnancy hormones involved!

My ex is not from South Africa so I don't know what this is referring to??

South America sorry, just looked at your other thread

@Bunny44

I wouldn't bet on that.

You do know, really know, that you're going to have an actual baby? It didn't seem real to me until I saw him on the 12 week scan.

Sorry, I got the country setting. South America or South Africa, it makes little difference tbh.

Well as mentioned, a high proportion of women get STIs from their cheating partners. Having an STI is not a cause for concern for social services and not considered poor parenting. You may also not be aware but you can also contract an STI such as herpes or HPV even if you are in a monogomous relationship due to latent dormancy of these conditions.

You and a lot of people on here seem to ignorantly think that STIs are down to promiscuity, that sex outside a relationship = promiscuity & immoral, and that promiscuity = akin to an actual crime. None of those things are actually true and only your opinion.

Luckily we are not actually living in the Dark Ages anymore.

The issue is, you won’t put it on your profile because = mr fetish, Mr weirdo
So you’ll write what, that you want casual sex?
when do you reveal to the guy you’re pregnant? I’d want to know if I was a guy. If I ended up on a date with you and you told me then I’d be so annoyed. If you don’t tell them at all it’s dishonest, but your call.

I wasn't sure we would see you back here anytime soon. I think you dealt with the criticism fairly and confidently and I hope you find what you are looking for.

You and a lot of people on here seem to ignorantly think that STIs are down to promiscuity, that sex outside a relationship = promiscuity & immoral, and that promiscuity = akin to an actual crime. None of those things are actually true and only your opinion.

You sound utterly ridiculous. What's stopping you from having your sex op? Just do it, then. And STIs aren't the only issue with having casual sex whilst pregnant.

The fact that you assume anyone who doesn't support the idea is the Virgin Mary is funny. No op, you've had many non-judgemental posts that still agree it's not a good idea.

Why did you post? You clearly believe you’re right and your “needs” completely normal. Most respondents are telling you that you’re not and they’re not.

Erm no, not sure how you made those leaps. I think most people just think it's pretty grim that you're pregnant and ok to risk catching an STI with a random that might affect your child. But you do you 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Some of these responses are crazy.

Imagine the OP was not pregnant and posted a thread saying “I’ve just come out of a long term relationship where my ex cheated on me and gave me an STI. We split up 9 weeks ago and I’m very lonely and quite vulnerable. I want to use apps to find a man to have sex with, we might go for a walk first. Is this a good idea?”.

There’s no way she’d be given so much “you go, girl” advice.

Except I never asked if it was a good idea or not, I asked how to go about it regarding the pregnancy. I.e. do I tell them upfront or after I've got to know them etc etc. Also I specifically said I wanted to have sex. The thought that I don't know what I want are assumptions. Also it was assumed that I wanted to sleep around with apparently "loads of strangers".

Feminism, does not equal pretending you're a man at all costs. That is what you're saying. Quite the opposite.

Anyway, you've made up your mind, you genuinely do not give a fuck if your baby gets an STI.

I sincerely hope you're a troll.

This is the grimmest thread. Each update sounds like you're digging your heels in and aren't really thinking about the advice because you didn't ask for it. That's an utterly bizarre approach to life. If you said you're planning on going to X and someone told you of road closures presumably you'd consider a different route even though you didn't ask for advice on how to get there?

If you just want men for sex I don't think you'll get to know them all that well, if you're upfront about your intent you'll be there for their pleasure and nothing more (as they will be for you). You're vulnerable either way really, some men have a fetish for pregnant women and will target them if you're upfront, others might feel annoyed and get nasty if you don't say and they later find out. However you go about it there's an elevated risk compared to someone who isn't pregnant, being a parent is largely about balancing risks- depends what you're comfortable with really. The ideal would be a friend I guess who you know and trust who just wants some fun too, but that's pretty unicorn and moon on a stick. If you're not open to actually dating and getting to know someone first I'd be wary personally.

How long does it take to get to know someone you just want to have sex with though? It's not going to be genuine affection. What does it matter what their opinions might be or if you share a sense of humour or any of the other things you may need in a good relationship. You got to know the Father of your baby, eventually. However you got to know he was dishonest and not the person you thought he was.

I also hope this is a troll post

Just thought I'd let you all know that I did get with someone - someone I met through work. It was great, he knew I was pregnant and the background and was fine with it. Nothing serious but made me feel great!

Still can't get over people's obsession with STIs on here - in my 19 yrs of dating I caught one STI and it was from my partner and not a random, since I always use protection with new partners, like any normal person. Apparently it's ok to patronise pregnant women though!

Brilliant. Hopefully you can fit in lots more before your due date 🙄

You asked for advice, and when you didn’t get the advice you wanted, you dismiss it as patronising and sexist.

It was a pointless OP, as you’ve clearly shown you know how dating works, and you know how to meet men. And it’s a fairly pointless update,
as most people will still feel how they feel, as will you.

I’m happy OP had some intimacy and connection
with someone known and trusted to her also

🤷‍♀️

sometimes people do have to be pragmatic and focussed to get their intimacy needs filled

Christ. Shagging someone from work while pregnant- classy AND professional 👍🏼