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Original poster

Dating while pregnant

318 replies

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 16:07

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 18/04/2023 21:15

In an ideal world dating whilst pregnant would be fine. But we don't live in an ideal world, we live in a world where women are vulnerable from men with bad intentions, especially men we don't know who are on online dating apps.

If you don't tell them you're pregnant then it's deceitful. If you do say you're pregnant then you are revealing too much about yourself and making yourself very vulnerable.

Just socialise with friends and buy a vibrator.

newname642 · 18/04/2023 21:44

If, as you've said, you're still friends with guys you've met on apps and dated in the past, you'd be safer seeking a FWB arrangement.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/04/2023 21:55

Christ this thread and the views
madonna whore indeed !

op im honestly taken aback by some of the responses here and quite shocked

I’d say crack on sooner rather than later though 😬 and maybe seek casual

EdwinaBatman · 18/04/2023 21:57

violetskypurple · 18/04/2023 19:33

Troll who wants to hear stories about pregnant women shagging around?

Show quote history

Bingo

Mammatoone · 18/04/2023 22:11

My partner and I got together in the later stages of my pregnancy. He was someone I already knew though and who had been asking me to go out with him for almost 2 years prior. He relocated 2 hours away to be near us about 6 months after baby arrived but came to see us almost every day before that.

My baby's dad disappeared when I was 17 weeks never to be heard from again (we weren't together but he was adamant he would be involved until he woke up one day and vanished)

We didn't sleep together while I was pregnant though and I didn't even know it was a date, we went for dinner and were inseparable since. We now live together, he treats my baby as his own and are TTC.

It does happen and not every man is a creep! Things can work out really beautifully depending on what you are open to happening.

Divebar2021 · 18/04/2023 22:19

If this was a man wanting to date while his ex was pregnant everyone on here would judge

absolute crap - stop lumping me in with your sweeping generalisations.

Bambooflowers · 18/04/2023 22:23

Op I mean this gently, but do you have female friends and an active social life, or is it all about blokes for you?

b0zza1 · 18/04/2023 22:40

Hinge has a 'short term' setting on it now. I'm not a lover of Hinge, but perhaps that would be a way to go about it? Also maybe look for ethically non monogamous peeps who could be a fwb? Just be up front about being short term. I've heard okcupid is good for ENM.

nakeklak · 18/04/2023 22:45

Do what makes you happy OP. No point in denying yourself human connection at this time. You just have to be super honest and super aware not to enter into something unhealthy. You'll have to have a pretty intense screening process it will be difficult, but if you feel you'd like to meet someone then go for it. If you really start to like each other and you think it might last a bit longer , you need to make him fully aware of all the complications with sex and giving birth and all that jazz, if he decides it's not for him that will be hard and you'll really have to compartmentalise that and not let it affect the experience with your baby

nakeklak · 18/04/2023 22:48

People have been horrible to you on this thread. As soon as you become a mother it's just constant judgement, don't listen to them

Dreamingofasandybeach · 18/04/2023 23:34

is this poster an actual pregnant woman or a man with a pregnancy fetish? 🤔 just find this so odd that this would be a top priority when there's so many weirdos about especially who want to sleep with a pregnant woman as a fetish. just the thought of it is just a bit gross to me especially if you could catch an STI... wait till you've had the baby at least. you say you won't be able to as you'll be moving into your parents but your dates will have places and there's also hotels. just odd 😐

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 18/04/2023 23:49

My biggest concern from your posts is that you're craving male company after 9 weeks without it.

100% without handwringing or judgement, my best advice to you for your pregnancy, for single motherhood, and for life in general, is to work on creating happiness and fulfilment for yourself without a man. If the right one comes along great, but you should never need be tying yourself up in knots wondering how to find one.

Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:21

Opentooffers · 18/04/2023 18:53

How does " I'm always careful about STI risk" tally with being pregnant ( so no use of condom there) and your ex having left you for someone else, therefore quite possibly having sex with her too? It doesn't match up, you have to have risked getting an STI to be pregnant in the first place, and now you know it is quite easy for someone to lie and be shagging others too.
I get you feel horny - pregnancy made me rampant - but really, being in charge of your baby's health means you have no choice but to ignore the urges and crack on with motherhood. To be blunt, only creeps would give it a go at this stage, so it's a nice pipe-dream you have, but it won't be goid in reality.
Aside from the physical, being sat at home dwelling is your problem. Do you have friends to spend time with or do you make a man your friend and be all? If you treat a BF as sole social provider, that is where the problem lies. Otherwise, fill your time with friends and family and planning for your baby as a distraction. Sitting around dwelling makes it harder.

Umm we were in a long term relationship and we both wanted to have children so it was planned. And obviously i didn't know he would leave me for someone else. Thanks for the judgement though!

I have lots of friends - but as mentioned looking for physical intimacy. I also obviously do care about my babies health but surely me being emotionally happy ties into that? And you can still have sex while pregnant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:23

Nosleepforthismum · 18/04/2023 18:42

Maybe wait until your 20 week scan before doing this. In both pregnancies, I was told to avoid sex from 20 weeks due to placenta issues so the choice may be taken away from you anyway!

No issues from me with you dating but I agree with PP’s that think, unfortunately, you will only attract the weirdos/ones with a fetish as I don’t think there are many decent men that would want to casually shag a 5 month pregnant woman.

Maybe it’s time to invest in a decent vibrator?

Would you be saying this to me if I was in a relationship?

Also I know several people who have met new partners while pregnant and they weren't weird. My cousin met his wife while pregnant and they went on to have more children.

OP posts:
FluentlyExasperatedMadam · 19/04/2023 00:27

Go on bumble app

Laughloveloneliness · 19/04/2023 00:28

Some of the replies on here, can't say I'm shocked though. OP, do you have a friend who may be up for the job? I get it, I have a high sex drive but it was off the wall when pregnant. I just cant think when I would let them know if I met them online, i don't think many men would be put off but its tricky. Is there no one you know or have dated before?

Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:29

supercali77 · 18/04/2023 19:32

Im more curious what the point of your post was 😂 you know exactly how to do it..online. you know why you're doing it...horny and lonely. You think there are no safety issues. You aren't showing. Are you here to get validation for your choice or to ask a genuine question?

I want to know essentially whether other people have done it and how it went, and also whether I should let the man know and how they might take it.

But all I seem to have got is bucket loads of judgement and patronising comments about STIs.

OP posts:
Laughloveloneliness · 19/04/2023 00:31

I've noticed all the posters trying to hint that you are just desperate for a man. So fucked up. I dont think that they can comprehend that women have needs too.

Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:31

supercali77 · 18/04/2023 19:39

@violetskypurple It crossed my mind, or looking for a row. Mumsnet isn't where I'd come for this kind of advice unless I wanted to be advised not to do it

Nope - just thought there would be more modern and open minded women here than there seems to be!

OP posts:
Truckinghell · 19/04/2023 00:32

Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:29

I want to know essentially whether other people have done it and how it went, and also whether I should let the man know and how they might take it.

But all I seem to have got is bucket loads of judgement and patronising comments about STIs.

Show quote history

You just want stories of pregnant women having casual sex, then.

Of course, of course.

Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:35

MayThe4th · 18/04/2023 20:40

If this was a man wanting to date while his ex was pregnant everyone on here would judge.

No decent man or woman would go out looking for casual shags while expecting someone else’s child.

And no decent woman would get involved with a man whose ex was pregnant, and no decent man would want to casually shag a woman who was pregnant with someone else’s child.

The whole thing is vile.

My ex IS shagging someone else and there are plenty of men out there who do that sort of thing all the time. But apparently the judgement is only reserved for the women.

OP posts:
FluentlyExasperatedMadam · 19/04/2023 00:37

Just ignore everyone's judgemental opinions and do whay makes you happy but stay safe x

Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:38

Qbish · 18/04/2023 19:41

Jeez, the judging and catastrophising on this thread!

"You will get herpes and your baby will go blind!!!"
"Only men with a pregnancy fetish will be interested"
"It will damage your mental health because pregnancy makes you deranged! Hormones innit!!"

I had a heightened sex drive when I was pregnant, until I was enormous. There are plenty of tales of people meeting when the woman was pregnant. You can also have some fun! You sound like you are looking for some validation - I validate you. Try it. See how it goes. You hook up with a guy, it's fun - great! You hook up and it isn't fun - have a think about it!

Thank you - yes I'm actually pretty surprised about the level of judgment but maybe this was just not the right forum to discuss it.

People make it sound like you shouldn't have sex at all if you're pregnant.

OP posts:
Derbee · 19/04/2023 00:39

Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:23

Would you be saying this to me if I was in a relationship?

Also I know several people who have met new partners while pregnant and they weren't weird. My cousin met his wife while pregnant and they went on to have more children.

Show quote history

Presumably if you were in a relationship, you’d have found out by experience whether it was ok to have sex during this pregnancy or not. Your partner, being the babies dad, would care about the welfare of his baby and not just shagging.

Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:40

Farmerama1 · 18/04/2023 20:53

Why not treat yourself to some pregnancy massages, maybe a new sex toy, and arrange some meet ups with friends? These are still positive things to do for yourself regardless of whether the dating works out or not. Is it your first pregnancy? I can’t see the harm in dating if you stay safe and self aware, but I was very hormonal and grumpy by the third trimester….a casual date would have run a mile 😂

I do all of those things already. I specifically miss physical intimacy. My partner and I used to have sex pretty much every day.

OP posts:
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