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Original poster

Dating while pregnant

318 replies

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 16:07

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

OP posts:
onmyknees23 · 18/04/2023 18:36

I don't think its particularly outdated to think women can be targeted, drugged, attacked by men. Do you watch the news? I'm not saying it's likely, I'm saying it's possible. More so if you put yourself in vulnerable positions. It's something I wouldnt want to risk while carrying a baby. This is why so many people 'nest' while pregnant - they want to be safe, comfortable and protected in their own surroundings.

But I get the feeling you're only here for justification and support from the minority who agree with you. Wishing you luck. Stay safe.

drpet49 · 18/04/2023 18:37

Derbee · 18/04/2023 17:57

Well it all seems a bit grim. You’ll either be a fetish, or you’ll be involved with men who are happy to have sex with a recently separated pregnant woman.

You’ll risk STIs and what that could mean for your baby. You certainly can’t meet anyone worthwhile for a serious relationship as you’re relocating.

You sound like you want sex. Which IS risky during pregnancy, when you’re meeting and sleeping with random men.

That said, what are you asking? You know the apps, you know how to date, and you clearly think it’s appropriate?

^All of this really.

violetskypurple · 18/04/2023 18:39

onmyknees23 · 18/04/2023 18:36

I don't think its particularly outdated to think women can be targeted, drugged, attacked by men. Do you watch the news? I'm not saying it's likely, I'm saying it's possible. More so if you put yourself in vulnerable positions. It's something I wouldnt want to risk while carrying a baby. This is why so many people 'nest' while pregnant - they want to be safe, comfortable and protected in their own surroundings.

But I get the feeling you're only here for justification and support from the minority who agree with you. Wishing you luck. Stay safe.

But OP can avoid all of that apparently and it is only a problem for gay men!

defi · 18/04/2023 18:40

I wouldn't, the only guys you'll attract are guys with a fetish.

Nosleepforthismum · 18/04/2023 18:42

Maybe wait until your 20 week scan before doing this. In both pregnancies, I was told to avoid sex from 20 weeks due to placenta issues so the choice may be taken away from you anyway!

No issues from me with you dating but I agree with PP’s that think, unfortunately, you will only attract the weirdos/ones with a fetish as I don’t think there are many decent men that would want to casually shag a 5 month pregnant woman.

Maybe it’s time to invest in a decent vibrator?

Squidger45 · 18/04/2023 18:42

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 17:28

I'm lonely and I miss physical intimacy, which I think is quite normal especially after a break up? Anyway I didn't ask for judgment or advice against it, I asked for advice on how to go about it.

You can't really tell I'm pregnant and as mentioned, not looking for a long-term relationship.

Unfortunately you're unlikely to get much else here 😕

qpmz · 18/04/2023 18:44

So much judgement and negativity! People essentially saying that the idea is grim and op should accept life of loneliness in preparation for single motherhood! Those in stable relationships might not believe it but dating and casual sex can be fun.

violetskypurple · 18/04/2023 18:46

qpmz · 18/04/2023 18:44

So much judgement and negativity! People essentially saying that the idea is grim and op should accept life of loneliness in preparation for single motherhood! Those in stable relationships might not believe it but dating and casual sex can be fun.

op should accept life of loneliness in preparation for single motherhood!

Nobody said that? Everyone is saying to wait a few months because protecting you and your unborn child is more important then getting your leg over

Hedwigharlot · 18/04/2023 18:48

Not judging the morality of it at all, but are you not worried about the safety of the fetus? A long term partner would be gentle and protective of the baby. Some random isn't going to care. If I were you, I'd put the safety of the development of the baby first.

Cakencookieobsessed · 18/04/2023 18:49

No judgement from me. I've been single and pregnant and it's natural to want to have someone who's there for you. It can be a lonely time. I never physically dated whilst pregnant and I couldn't have sex with someone while pregnant with another man's baby. But I got close to a guy online and we chatted for hours every night, text all day etc. Although we never worked out, it was a positive thing for me as it gave me someone to provide emotional support and made me realise there were other nicer men out there than my ex.
The risk is that you may be in a vulnerable state without realising and you're open to putting all your hopes on someone and it not working out, or someone taking advantage of you. In an ideal world you would wait a bit, but people find connections with others in unlikely places.

Opentooffers · 18/04/2023 18:53

How does " I'm always careful about STI risk" tally with being pregnant ( so no use of condom there) and your ex having left you for someone else, therefore quite possibly having sex with her too? It doesn't match up, you have to have risked getting an STI to be pregnant in the first place, and now you know it is quite easy for someone to lie and be shagging others too.
I get you feel horny - pregnancy made me rampant - but really, being in charge of your baby's health means you have no choice but to ignore the urges and crack on with motherhood. To be blunt, only creeps would give it a go at this stage, so it's a nice pipe-dream you have, but it won't be goid in reality.
Aside from the physical, being sat at home dwelling is your problem. Do you have friends to spend time with or do you make a man your friend and be all? If you treat a BF as sole social provider, that is where the problem lies. Otherwise, fill your time with friends and family and planning for your baby as a distraction. Sitting around dwelling makes it harder.

Anyolelion · 18/04/2023 18:55

Catching herpes for the 1st time when pregnant is very dangerous for the baby and condoms won't always protect against that.

Ollifer · 18/04/2023 18:55

You won't have a problem finding men to have sex with, not to be rude but a lot of men on these sites will shag anyone, they just swipe and go along with it.

Favouritefruits · 18/04/2023 18:57

If you want to have a few dates before you are intimate and then there’s the time to find the guy you are going to look massively pregnant. It’s a bit unfair not telling the guy you are pregnant in case he is dating with the intention of it getting more serious. I mean each to their own but I don’t think this sounds like a good idea, I think a trip to Anne Summers sounds like a better option.

Dilemma19 · 18/04/2023 19:04

DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:43

STI risk in pregnancy?

This , surely this trumps your 'needs'.

EdwinaBatman · 18/04/2023 19:11

Sounds absolutely barmy. You can get herpes even with a condom which can blind your baby. Welcome to the rest of your life, your wants and needs come second now you've decided to have a baby.
Honestly the way you speak sounds like something a pervy man with a pregnant woman fetish would say to generate conversation on this topic.

Cornchip · 18/04/2023 19:12

You sound really immature for someone who’s supposedly 35. Your posts read as if you’re a teenager.

tenbob · 18/04/2023 19:21

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:29

I've not just been dumped - it was 2 months ago now and I'm already having counselling.

Also I'm genuinely really horny and miss sex. I think lots of women get really horny during pregnancy.

Show quote history

2 months is recently dumped. It’s a drop in the ocean of how long it could potentially take to process being dumped by a long term parter, shortly after finding out you’re pregnant and involving cheating. Don’t do yourself a disservice thinking you should be over it.

but you now say you’re usual coping mechanism is to go out and have casual sex. I can guarantee you the quick dopamine fix that you usually get from this is going to hit very differently now you’re pregnant.

Maybe talk to your counsellor about it before leaping out there

It is always a huge red flag when posters are mega defensive to everyone posting out why their suggestion is a bad idea but then is quick to reply enthusiastically to the one reply in their favour.
You didn’t make this thread for advice, you made it for approval.

Just like you won’t be seeking our sex for orgasms and cuddles, you’re doing it to massage your ego and get validation

contrary13 · 18/04/2023 19:22

I can't really judge as I was pregnant with my 27 year old when my 18 year old's father and I first got together - but I can say that hormones make you do/say/feel things you're totally not expecting to, or even remotely prepared for. And you are vulnerable, especially only 9 weeks out of a relationship with the putative father.

My advice? Don't do it. Get a hobby, instead. And yes; single motherhood is a tough and very lonely gig, even with a partner who isn't the biological father alongside you (with my ex, it was a case of his parents not approving, despite their having known me for almost a decade prior!).There will be times when you feel very alone ahead of you - so my advice is learn a new skill besides sex, get used to your own company and date when the baby's father is caring for them.

Also, you may well be in therapy - but not necessarily for your seeming lack of self-worth. Sex is great, but it comes with a LOT of risks during pregnancy, especially if the other involved has no biological connection. I think that you're going to have to decide what's ultimately more important to you - your growing baby... or sex with random blokes.

It shouldn't be so - but unfortunately, it is.

supercali77 · 18/04/2023 19:32

Im more curious what the point of your post was 😂 you know exactly how to do it..online. you know why you're doing it...horny and lonely. You think there are no safety issues. You aren't showing. Are you here to get validation for your choice or to ask a genuine question?

violetskypurple · 18/04/2023 19:33

supercali77 · 18/04/2023 19:32

Im more curious what the point of your post was 😂 you know exactly how to do it..online. you know why you're doing it...horny and lonely. You think there are no safety issues. You aren't showing. Are you here to get validation for your choice or to ask a genuine question?

Troll who wants to hear stories about pregnant women shagging around?

threeplusmum · 18/04/2023 19:34

I did it with my first, didn't expect to meet anyone so soon after finding out I was pregnant - dad didn't wanna know, ok cool... I was with the guy I met when pregnant for about a year then left him for someone else, now I have two kids with my new guy and we are very good together, glad I took that risk!

Isthisexpected · 18/04/2023 19:37

This is really sad OP. It's only been a few weeks. Are you sure you don't actually just need a referral to the perinatal mental health team for support to deal with the emotions of becoming a single mum. It sounds like you're trying to run away from it all.

supercali77 · 18/04/2023 19:39

@violetskypurple It crossed my mind, or looking for a row. Mumsnet isn't where I'd come for this kind of advice unless I wanted to be advised not to do it

Sensibleandboring · 18/04/2023 19:39

This