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Original poster

Dating while pregnant

318 replies

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 16:07

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:06

DuesExMachina · 18/04/2023 17:56

@Daisydu

It's only a risk to the baby if you're pregnancy.

I don't see how it's a risk? People who are lucky enough to still have their partner around presumably are still having intimate relations! I already mentioned that I'm always careful RE STIs

OP posts:
Derbee · 18/04/2023 18:07

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:05

It's not a few months as I'm moving in with my parents and will have a young baby - from now it'll likely be over a year. I won't have time to date or really have my own space for a long time. My priority will be my baby. But right now I do have time and space.

Show quote history

Well, depending on your boundaries, you might be fine leaving your baby with your parents and going out for sex with people from the apps?

You either behave appropriately or don’t?

Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:08

User0ne · 18/04/2023 17:52

I was really horny in pregnancy so I understand your problem. I was lucky in that I have an accommodating DH.

To avoid weirdos/fetishes/potentially abusive people who see you as an easy target I'd invest in some good toys rather than trying to date. If you do have sex use condoms to protect your baby from any sti's that your partner may have.

Don't assume that you won't want sex post birth either. I've got 3dc and was "active" within 3 weeks of all of them.

Unfortunately I'll be in a rural village living with my parents for at least 6 months so doubt I'll have much opportunity to meet anyone for quite a while afterwards. Hence the urge to want to now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:09

Daisydu · 18/04/2023 17:54

Lots will tell you don’t date when pregnant but honestly you should if you want to. It’s not an illness. I’ve been single and pregnant twice, and I didn’t date but I would have. Absolutely I would have. It’s bloody lonely, and what’s the harm in a few dates. Just be careful like you should anyway, condoms ect. Have fun :)

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
onmyknees23 · 18/04/2023 18:09

I'm not judging you op. I wouldn't fancy it myself but I get what you're saying about loneliness and isolation. And you're right, you won't have the freedom to go out and date when your baby arrives.
For me I think it's just the usual risks of dating are magnified because you've got your baby's safety to think of too - STI's, meeting a dangerous weirdo online, potential drink spiking etc. I know that's a really depressing way of thinking but these things do happen.
If you're going to do it you can meet people in the usual ways and I guess just don't mention the pregnancy if you're really looking for no strings. But please do protect yourself.

tenbob · 18/04/2023 18:11

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:06

I don't see how it's a risk? People who are lucky enough to still have their partner around presumably are still having intimate relations! I already mentioned that I'm always careful RE STIs

Show quote history

If you don’t see the risk in meeting up with people from apps for sex, you need to stay very very far away from apps

mybeautifuloak · 18/04/2023 18:11

Kindly, I know you are lonely and no doubt still hurting desperately after being dumped but do you really feel that random hook ups with strangers will fill that void? I suspect you will just feel even more alone

SunflowerTed · 18/04/2023 18:12

TheSnowyOwl · 18/04/2023 16:27

It seems a weird priority to have right now.

Totally

Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:13

violetskypurple · 18/04/2023 18:06

Obviously I will use protection and not risk my baby that way!

Isn't meeting up with strangers to have sex risky to you and your baby though?

Well you get to know them first? And that's how everyone meets these days. They're strangers until they're not. Most of my sub-40 yr old friends and family met their partner through dating apps and I'm still friends with guys I dated before (where nothing romantic materialised).

Most people are pretty nice to be honest, I've only had a few bad experiences and those dates just didn't last very long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:15

mybeautifuloak · 18/04/2023 18:11

Kindly, I know you are lonely and no doubt still hurting desperately after being dumped but do you really feel that random hook ups with strangers will fill that void? I suspect you will just feel even more alone

I'm 35 and I've dated a lot, just not while pregnant. I usually find it helps me get over past relationships and quite enjoy dating usually as I'm an outgoing person.

OP posts:
northernlight20 · 18/04/2023 18:15

i agree with the pp who said it seems a weird priority. I have 4 kids so I understand being horny in pregnancy but I would suggest investing in some toys. Dating whilst pregnant does sound like some kind of fetish and there are plenty weirdos out there. Surely you can wait till your baby is born??

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/04/2023 18:15

Huge amounts of internalised misogyny coming out on this thread. Proper madonna/whore complex going on for some, I think.

OP, get out there and shag while the shagging's good. Don't mention you're pregnant unless you want the prego fetishists. Use condoms. Don't catch feelings. Usual safety precautions with live location to a trusted friend, etc. Enjoy!

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 18/04/2023 18:16

I was so horny when pregnant, and the sex dreams! 🤯🤠
I can't see the issue if you're careful about sti's, except the risk of getting a nutter, but if you feel confident about that and have used dating apps before, what advice do you need?

Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:16

tenbob · 18/04/2023 18:11

If you don’t see the risk in meeting up with people from apps for sex, you need to stay very very far away from apps

Show quote history

I'm not talking about just meeting up for sex. You meet up in a bar or go for a walk and get to know each other at least a few times first!

I'd never do that - but I don't judge those who do.

OP posts:
shintyminty · 18/04/2023 18:18

This seems like a really bad idea to me

tenbob · 18/04/2023 18:19

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:13

Well you get to know them first? And that's how everyone meets these days. They're strangers until they're not. Most of my sub-40 yr old friends and family met their partner through dating apps and I'm still friends with guys I dated before (where nothing romantic materialised).

Most people are pretty nice to be honest, I've only had a few bad experiences and those dates just didn't last very long.

Show quote history

I cannot compute the naivety of thinking that dating while midway through a pregnancy is just like dating while not pregnant but needing to make extra sure you use condoms

there is not a decent man on this earth who thinks that no strings sex with a 5+ month pregnant woman who is newly dumped and by her own admission, lonely, needy and vulnerable, is a good idea

so take a moment to think about which sort of men will go ahead with it

I get that you are feeling low after being dumped. We’ve all been there.

But I mean this will all kindness, you would be a lot better off with therapy rather than using casual sex to validate your self esteem and as a sticking plaster for your pain

I highly doubt you actually want sex. You want to feel wanted and desired after someone has attacked your sense of worth.

elm26 · 18/04/2023 18:19

OP, nothing wrong with dating whilst pregnant.

Feel like I've travelled back in time to the 30s reading some of these comments.

My cousin actually met her now Husband when she was 16 weeks pregnant! They've been married 7 years and have 2 children together now and it was just meant to be a couple of casual dates (she didn't tell him until 3rd date as she was shocked that she actually liked him and he did her as well).

You're 35 years of age, you know how to protect yourself from diseases, common sense as always when meeting a stranger to meet in a public place and let a friend know where you are and enjoy 😊

peechie · 18/04/2023 18:21

You'd be so much better off investing time in friendships if you're lonely, and getting sex toys of you're horny. I don't see dating working out when pregnant.

Dating with a young child is still possible, especially with your parents around, so you don't have to be forever alone.

But yeah, it's your choice ultimately. It's one of those things you'll only regret when it's too late, probably.

Seas164 · 18/04/2023 18:22

I would presume you would go about it the same way you did when you were not pregnant, whatever method you used then would still work, until you're obviously pregnant? I'd really really be avoiding advertising the fact that you are or you'll end up covered in blokes with a pregnancy fetish.

I'm not sure the intimacy you're looking for is going to be found in one night stands, but you know yourself best. I would say that motherhood is a long game and six months in a rural village post birth might seem like a big deal right now, to the point that you've got to get some cock on board before you're banished to the countryside, but in the grand scheme of things it's not the headline of what's going on for you.

Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:25

onmyknees23 · 18/04/2023 18:09

I'm not judging you op. I wouldn't fancy it myself but I get what you're saying about loneliness and isolation. And you're right, you won't have the freedom to go out and date when your baby arrives.
For me I think it's just the usual risks of dating are magnified because you've got your baby's safety to think of too - STI's, meeting a dangerous weirdo online, potential drink spiking etc. I know that's a really depressing way of thinking but these things do happen.
If you're going to do it you can meet people in the usual ways and I guess just don't mention the pregnancy if you're really looking for no strings. But please do protect yourself.

These views sound really out-dated by the way

"STI's, meeting a dangerous weirdo online, potential drink spiking etc" - these are all perfectly avoidable. And just because they're 'online' doesn't make them weirder than people you meeting IRL. Most people I've dated through online dating are really nice, ordinary people. Plus you meet them in a safe, public space at least a few times first. Spiking drinks is also really avoidable and not a common issue at all, especially when I'm not even drinking. The only people I know it's been an issue for is gay men.

"Meeting people in the usual ways" - online dating is the only real way to meet people for me and most people I know. I work from home so not like I'm going to bump into anyone at work for instance. Plus I'm not looking for a relationship so don't want someone in my circle. You can still cross-reference their public info to see who they really are, i.e. instagram, LinkedIn etc. I think online dating is the usual way now.

OP posts:
booboo82 · 18/04/2023 18:26

Grim

Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:27

elm26 · 18/04/2023 18:19

OP, nothing wrong with dating whilst pregnant.

Feel like I've travelled back in time to the 30s reading some of these comments.

My cousin actually met her now Husband when she was 16 weeks pregnant! They've been married 7 years and have 2 children together now and it was just meant to be a couple of casual dates (she didn't tell him until 3rd date as she was shocked that she actually liked him and he did her as well).

You're 35 years of age, you know how to protect yourself from diseases, common sense as always when meeting a stranger to meet in a public place and let a friend know where you are and enjoy 😊

I know right! Thank you - good to hear some other examples :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 18:29

tenbob · 18/04/2023 18:19

I cannot compute the naivety of thinking that dating while midway through a pregnancy is just like dating while not pregnant but needing to make extra sure you use condoms

there is not a decent man on this earth who thinks that no strings sex with a 5+ month pregnant woman who is newly dumped and by her own admission, lonely, needy and vulnerable, is a good idea

so take a moment to think about which sort of men will go ahead with it

I get that you are feeling low after being dumped. We’ve all been there.

But I mean this will all kindness, you would be a lot better off with therapy rather than using casual sex to validate your self esteem and as a sticking plaster for your pain

I highly doubt you actually want sex. You want to feel wanted and desired after someone has attacked your sense of worth.

Show quote history

I've not just been dumped - it was 2 months ago now and I'm already having counselling.

Also I'm genuinely really horny and miss sex. I think lots of women get really horny during pregnancy.

OP posts:
GiltEdges · 18/04/2023 18:33

Doesn't sound like you're remotely ready for the level of sacrifice that will come with having a baby.

Kay286 · 18/04/2023 18:35

Sorry agree with others this is grim. I’d invest in some toys instead ! Only likely to attract weirdos if it’s someone willing to have sex with a pregnant woman.
I understand you said you miss intimacy but unlikely to find this in casual one night stands.

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