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Original poster

Dating while pregnant

318 replies

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 16:07

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:43

BellePeppa · 18/04/2023 21:01

Yes my radar is pinging a bit with this. It’s more the casualness of being dumped only 9 weeks ago by their baby’s father and OP’s only interest is getting a shag or two.

Show quote history

No it obviously bothers me a lot he's left - it was actually pretty devastating and I have a lot of other priorities to do with getting things ready for my baby - but it's not the point of the post hence I didn't go into it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:48

Tron80 · 18/04/2023 21:03

"It's not a few months as I'm moving in with my parents and will have a young baby - from now it'll likely be over a year. I won't have time to date or really have my own space for a long time. My priority will be my baby. But right now I do have time and space."

Personally, I would use this "time" and "space" to focus on doing everything you can to financially and independently house yourself and your unborn child, independently of your parents.

Not sure what independent financial provision you have already put in place for yourself and your unborn child but, i would suggest you use your free time to focus on that and your child, rather than piss about dating.

You make a lot of assumptions. I've already made a detailed financial plan and have taken on extra work to save up. But I'm moving in with my parents because they want me there and I want to be with them - for physical and emotional support. Plus my house isn't suitable for a child so I'm moving in with them while I look for a place down there.

Despite all this I still have some time to date though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:53

Bambooflowers · 18/04/2023 22:23

Op I mean this gently, but do you have female friends and an active social life, or is it all about blokes for you?

I have a lot of lovely and open-minded female friends who I see and speak to every day. Aren't I allowed to want to have sex as well though?

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 19/04/2023 00:53

I think you just need to be extra vigilant for weirdos. They are legion, unfortunately.

shieldmaiden7 · 19/04/2023 00:55

Just because you're going to be a single mum doesn't mean you're going to be lonely at all! Yeah there will be times, but there is for people in long term relationships too.

Just be safe. Look after your body and your unborn baby. Use protection. Tell people who/where you're meeting.

Tell them about the pregnancy as you have limitations in the intimate department. Be honest. Even about not wanting anything serious.

You may be surprised.

Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:59

Laughloveloneliness · 19/04/2023 00:28

Some of the replies on here, can't say I'm shocked though. OP, do you have a friend who may be up for the job? I get it, I have a high sex drive but it was off the wall when pregnant. I just cant think when I would let them know if I met them online, i don't think many men would be put off but its tricky. Is there no one you know or have dated before?

Yes I was considering this. I don't have many male friends, mainly female.

OP posts:
EdwinaBatman · 19/04/2023 01:00

I feel sorry for the baby

PousseyNotMoira · 19/04/2023 01:03

Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:53

I have a lot of lovely and open-minded female friends who I see and speak to every day. Aren't I allowed to want to have sex as well though?

Show quote history

If this is real, I’m not sure what you hope to get from this thread - but it clearly isn’t happening. Set up your OLD profile and talk to your lovely open minded female friends instead of arguing with strangers on MN?

nakeklak · 19/04/2023 01:06

EdwinaBatman · 19/04/2023 01:00

I feel sorry for the baby

OP, seriously leave this thread now and don't read anymore. Disgustingly awful people are saying vile things about it you and it's not right for you to read such shit. You've done nothing wrong. Good luck with everything

DrGregHouseFan · 19/04/2023 01:06

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 17:39

I don't think I have to accept being lonely though. I think it's a defeatist attitude to just accept it has to be that way. Which is why I'm trying to do something about it. Some people might not like it, but they're not in my shoes.

Why should a woman have to suffer when their partner leaves them just because they're pregnant. We don't suddenly turn into nuns :-). It doesn't harm the baby to date and obviously they will be my priority and I'll probably have no time for anyone one else once they arrive! But right now I'm sitting on my own at home feeling lonely after a nasty break-up and I know that some company would make me feel better.

Show quote history

No, we don’t turn in to nuns of course. BUT it’s our duty to protect ourselves & our unborn child when we’re pregnant. Having one night stands when pregnant is never 100% safe, even if you wasn’t pregnant.

I totally understand you have needs, couldn’t you buy a sex toy or something? Sorry if that’s TMI… I also understand the need for more intimacy like cuddles/kisses it’s human nature but you’re not going to be lonely forever I’m sure, are you needing it that much that it can’t wait until the baby is here & you’re healed?

It seems like you’re dead set on meeting people for one night stands regardless of people’s opinions. I think you have more important things to worry about right now. But that’s just my opinion. I hope you don’t somehow slip up to the wrong weirdo that you are pregnant & a can of worms is opened. Stay safe.

Original poster
Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 01:13

PousseyNotMoira · 19/04/2023 01:03

If this is real, I’m not sure what you hope to get from this thread - but it clearly isn’t happening. Set up your OLD profile and talk to your lovely open minded female friends instead of arguing with strangers on MN?

Show quote history

Yeh you're right! I think because my friends are so open minded I'm kind of taken aback by the level of misogyny on here. People making judgey, preachy comments under the guise of being "concerned" for me or my baby. Clearly judgement of women's sexuality is still alive and well!

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 19/04/2023 01:14

Most OLD Apps give you the option to chose 'casual dating' under 'what are you looking for'. At the moment I don't think it's critical that you tell people your life story, I'd just go with 'I've just come out of a long term relationship and just looking for some fun'.
People come in all shapes and sizes so it might be a while before people notice....but they will soon. I think your options will diminish because many men find sex during pregnancy a turn off. They might also think youre really after a father for your child. Most people here seem to think it's a big NoNo but it could easily be a year before you get the opportunity again again so I get you. Let them judge.I'm assuming you plan to continue with the pregnancy so just stay safe. So thats barrier protection and no drugs or alcohol.

Isthisexpected · 19/04/2023 02:35

I don't get why you need sexual company if you're lonely. Go out with your friends. Get a vibrator.

EllandRd · 19/04/2023 02:54

You have it all worked out so crack on

gerbilcrocus · 19/04/2023 05:51

@DrGregHouseFan

I totally understand you have needs, couldn’t you buy a sex toy or something? Sorry if that’s TMI…

I don't really want to speak for the OP, but surely you are not genuinely so naive and stupid as to believe that the OP doesn't realise that she can reach orgasm without the assistance of a man?

Do you really think the OP has read this and thought "oh, ok, so I don't need a man to orgasm?....it had never crossed my mind that there were other ways I might be able to do this. What are these 'sex toys' of which you do speak?" Hmm

DuesExMachina · 19/04/2023 07:22

EdwinaBatman · 19/04/2023 01:00

I feel sorry for the baby

Me too.

@Bunny44

There is nothing misogynistic about being in control of yourself and looks after your health and that of your child.

In fact, I'd suggest that equating casual sex with the solution to loneliness is a massive chunk of internalised misogyny on your part.

GreyCarpet · 19/04/2023 07:46

Tbh, as someone posted very early on and I'd imagine others have said since, it's actually pretty easy as a woman to get casual sbort term sexual flings. I've had plenty.

So you just do that. OLD is full of men just wanting short term non committal sex. Why even mention that you're pregnant on here? Why even ask? You make a profile, you chat, you meet, you go out a couple of times (if you want) and you have sex. It's not exactly rocket science. It's want everyone else who has ever done online dating managed to do.

So either you were trying to be controversial or there is a small part of you that isn't completely comfortable with the idea.

violetskypurple · 19/04/2023 08:23

Is it not quite deceitful to hide that you're pregnant from them?

A lot of men might be uncomfortable dating or having sex when there's a baby in you and wouldn't do it if they knew, it's really sneaky to hide it

And if you put it on your profile you're putting yourself more at risk and also attracting all the creeps who are into that

FoodCentre · 19/04/2023 08:33

Yeh you're right! I think because my friends are so open minded I'm kind of taken aback by the level of misogyny on here. People making judgey, preachy comments under the guise of being "concerned" for me or my baby. Clearly judgement of women's sexuality is still alive and well!

People disagreeing isn't misogyny. Why do you totally ignore any of the risks? If it's so amazing and great, just do it, why bother asking for stories?

You said you're lonely. Are I sure you have loads of female friends? I'm not even trying to judge here. You need to fill your time with other things, you really do.

ofasphodel · 19/04/2023 08:40

Jesus, the replies to this. 🙄Shag around as much as you want! Being pregnant doesn't mean you have to act like the Virgin Mary and I'm sure OP is familiar with the concept of condoms.

MilkshakeEarthquake · 19/04/2023 08:41

ofasphodel · 19/04/2023 08:40

Jesus, the replies to this. 🙄Shag around as much as you want! Being pregnant doesn't mean you have to act like the Virgin Mary and I'm sure OP is familiar with the concept of condoms.

So why post at all?

Florissante · 19/04/2023 08:44

BellePeppa · 18/04/2023 21:01

Yes my radar is pinging a bit with this. It’s more the casualness of being dumped only 9 weeks ago by their baby’s father and OP’s only interest is getting a shag or two.

Show quote history

As is my radar.

And I agree with the posters who feel the OP sounds either very young or very immature.

Angebot · 19/04/2023 08:45

Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 00:38

Thank you - yes I'm actually pretty surprised about the level of judgment but maybe this was just not the right forum to discuss it.

People make it sound like you shouldn't have sex at all if you're pregnant.

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Oh this site is full of judgement
Honestly it's your life f* everyone else.

BellePeppa · 19/04/2023 08:53

The thing is, if it’s intimacy and cuddles you’re after (as well as sex) are you really going to be getting those in any meaningful way from casual hook ups? Cuddles, like kissing, can be far more intimate than a casual shag so may not be that forthcoming once a stranger or virtual stranger has had sex with you or they may feel empty and contrived. If you’re not after the cuddles and comfort then I guess it’s irrelevant anyway.

samestyle · 19/04/2023 08:56

Aren't you concerned with protecting your baby? What happens you meet a man that's too rough with you, spikes your drink , anything dodgy could happen with a stranger, just because he seems nice for a few hours at a bar, he could be dangerous. You can't just think about yourself anymore.

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