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Original poster

Dating while pregnant

318 replies

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 16:07

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

OP posts:
Whatdayisitalexa · 02/05/2023 17:27

Derbee · 02/05/2023 17:13

You asked for advice, and when you didn’t get the advice you wanted, you dismiss it as patronising and sexist.

It was a pointless OP, as you’ve clearly shown you know how dating works, and you know how to meet men. And it’s a fairly pointless update,
as most people will still feel how they feel, as will you.

Exactly I don't actually think op wanted advice either, everyone is different of course. But there was no naivety here, she would obviously do what she bloody well liked...there may have been consequences but she was aware of them. Others might not be and you need to be mindful of that when giving advice, usually you would err on the side of caution if you felt that someone posting was feeling unsure...unlike op

Whatdayisitalexa · 02/05/2023 17:32

Bunny44 · 02/05/2023 17:03

Just thought I'd let you all know that I did get with someone - someone I met through work. It was great, he knew I was pregnant and the background and was fine with it. Nothing serious but made me feel great!

Still can't get over people's obsession with STIs on here - in my 19 yrs of dating I caught one STI and it was from my partner and not a random, since I always use protection with new partners, like any normal person. Apparently it's ok to patronise pregnant women though!

You go girl!! 'Bunny' can be seen as a derogatory term personally and also a type of vibrator...you hardly needed advice or guidance (if you're a real person) you know your own mind

Whatdayisitalexa · 02/05/2023 17:34

Derbee · 02/05/2023 17:13

You asked for advice, and when you didn’t get the advice you wanted, you dismiss it as patronising and sexist.

It was a pointless OP, as you’ve clearly shown you know how dating works, and you know how to meet men. And it’s a fairly pointless update,
as most people will still feel how they feel, as will you.

Here here bully for you, you persuaded a bloke to shag you...not a goal

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/05/2023 17:36

What the fuck is wrong with everyone

just feel like shit kicking a pregnant stranger today ?
clearly yes

Whatdayisitalexa · 02/05/2023 17:43

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/05/2023 17:36

What the fuck is wrong with everyone

just feel like shit kicking a pregnant stranger today ?
clearly yes

Not many women go short of a shag, pregnant or not. A meaningful relationship is different, she didn't want that so it was a moot point, some people were worried about the risk to the baby over her 'sexual need' a vibrator would usually suffice, but she was craving intimacy (whatever that means)

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/05/2023 17:48

I find how people are speaking to OP a lot grosser than her shagging to be honest

it’s like the fact they morally disapprove
means they can talk to her like shit

Whatdayisitalexa · 02/05/2023 17:51

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/05/2023 17:48

I find how people are speaking to OP a lot grosser than her shagging to be honest

it’s like the fact they morally disapprove
means they can talk to her like shit

Your stance, her choice

Whatdayisitalexa · 02/05/2023 18:01

She posted to ask opinions or to cause contraversy, she got her answers and has come back to proudly acclaim she scored..whoopee doo!! She could have done this without announcing her intentions online, she got her answers from a multiple of strangers, who largely felt she should put her child first over her own needs (welcome to motherhood)

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/05/2023 18:04

Angebot · 19/04/2023 08:45

Oh this site is full of judgement
Honestly it's your life f* everyone else.

Show quote history

I think that is exactly what the OP is planning, isn’t it?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/05/2023 18:31

I thought you worked fRom home and so couldn’t meet anyone through work. Sorry, I have to go and start the supper now, so I can’t go back through thirteen pages to find your quote, even if I was sufficiently invested.

I’ve read a lot of jaw droppers on here. But this is definitely in the top twenty.

katniss44 · 02/05/2023 18:38

Slow clap for you op...

What is it you actually wanted from this thread? Not opinions (well not ones that you disagree with) and clearly not dating advice since you have managed to meet someone through work all by yourself (despite working from home).

I don't think for one second that pregnant women should be infantilised or patronised. But you initially implied that you wanted to go out shagging randoms while pregnant which many posters felt posed a risk not only to your sexual health but your actual health too.

You knew best however and I'm thrilled for you that you got your much needed shag. However I just don't understand the reason for the post and especially not the goady update...nobody is that invested, sorry.

Isthisexpected · 02/05/2023 19:05

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/05/2023 18:04

I think that is exactly what the OP is planning, isn’t it?

Show quote history

Oh can't believe I missed this.

Seriously though OP, I doubt people were judging you to be nasty. I bet every single poster who was expressing their negative views on your plans was thinking of your own wellbeing and that of your baby. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is a long road and one of the first steps is learning how to balance your own needs with theirs.

randommum82 · 03/05/2023 06:42

I don't think the issue here is people patronising you OP, pregnancy is a vulnerable time and your body is weaker. Casual hookups involve a level of risk to your personal safety (ignore the STI debate for now), and when pregnant you are even less able to defend yourself.

If you really crave physical contact, I would suggest you hire a professional if you can afford it. There is no shame in it, they would likely have dealt with pregnant clients before, and you will be safe. Good luck.

Derbee · 04/05/2023 13:03

randommum82 · 03/05/2023 06:42

I don't think the issue here is people patronising you OP, pregnancy is a vulnerable time and your body is weaker. Casual hookups involve a level of risk to your personal safety (ignore the STI debate for now), and when pregnant you are even less able to defend yourself.

If you really crave physical contact, I would suggest you hire a professional if you can afford it. There is no shame in it, they would likely have dealt with pregnant clients before, and you will be safe. Good luck.

Ah, just when you think a thread can’t sink any lower. Hire a sex worker. Amazing

StarlightLady · 04/05/2023 13:14

Personally, I would still date in your position, and I would still want sex, but I would make it clear before meeting anyone that I was pregnant. Then if they want to run for the hills, let them.

Jk987 · 04/05/2023 15:24

randommum82 · 03/05/2023 06:42

I don't think the issue here is people patronising you OP, pregnancy is a vulnerable time and your body is weaker. Casual hookups involve a level of risk to your personal safety (ignore the STI debate for now), and when pregnant you are even less able to defend yourself.

If you really crave physical contact, I would suggest you hire a professional if you can afford it. There is no shame in it, they would likely have dealt with pregnant clients before, and you will be safe. Good luck.

I'm shocked at this advice! Hire a sex worker? As if!! 😮

Mumsanetta · 04/05/2023 18:28

Bunny44 · 19/04/2023 13:11

Yes but they're not responding to the questions. According to my midwife there is no issue with me having sex while pregnant, unlike smoking and drinking, which I don't do anyway.

Show quote history

You asked your midwife if there was no issue with having sex with strangers you met online while pregnant and she said it was fine? Sorry, but I don’t believe you there.

Having sex with a partner you know well whilst pregnant is very different to having sex with someone you have just started dating and is basically a stranger. You can still catch some STIs despite using condoms and you have no idea if the person who was nice and charming for 3 dates is actually a psychopath. These are all risks we take when we’re dating but require a bit more thought when an unborn baby is added to the mix. If identifying these risks makes me old fashioned and stuck in the dark ages then so be it.

Mumsanetta · 04/05/2023 18:39

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/05/2023 17:36

What the fuck is wrong with everyone

just feel like shit kicking a pregnant stranger today ?
clearly yes

Based on her goady update the OP clearly got a kick out of the responses that she received.

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