OLD. My goodness grief.

[Joewessex]

Evening evening and I hope you all had a nice Easter weekend.

if possible, I’d like to get a perspective of OLD from women.

if I’m honest, I find it hideous. Hideous in that it’s soul destroying. Whilst that sounds dramatic, I’m at my wits end wondering what I’m doing wrong.

Match after match and lots of silence. I don’t get why people are on it.

I thought I was a handsome guy, I’m definitely fit as I gym enough to have a body to show for it but I’m thinking something is wrong with my approach. I’m 47, no kids (I can’t have them) and I’ve been single 18 months. I’ve had a dozen dates but it just feels flat. One was quite amazing but she announced she was still married and with her ex at the date.

Im educated, dress well and have the usual stuff like my own home and a decent career. But finding a partner seems to be impossible nowadays. It used to be fun.

I do get out and about as I kayak, row, gym, climb and paddleboard etc but nothing comes of things nowadays. I’m a little bit shy so my confidence isn’t all there all the time but I soon warm up.

Any advice?

thank you ☺️

I would suggest tying not to overthink and second guess things OP and to overall treat OLD like the quasi-statistical silly game it is.

Throw a whole a lot of stuff out there, scattergun style. Eventually something will stick and you'll find someone nice.

Trust me, its exactly the same for women - but with added dick pics.

For me it’s about balance , so I’ll frequently freeze my profile for a break
and really try hard to manage the time I spend on it

is your profile super honest abiut whom you are , your quirks and what you like ? As anything generic means you are less likely to meet like minded souls

i try and take a less is more approach to who I chat with and like also

Less matches the better I think but I do try to only speak with people who have made an effort with their profile

Do you instigate the first message after matching? Generally the men will initiate a conversation after matching. If so what is your initial message? Is it likely to spark a conversation or is it a deathly dull "hi"

The first thing you mention about yourself is your looks and gym body. Do you have topless/ gym vest pics on your profile to reflect this? I find those sorts of photos very off putting. Vain and shallow (or appearing that way) will attract vain and shallow.

My pictures are all clothed, just polo shirts etc and I’ve been very open about myself.

This is my intro:

6’1 and “I’m all there” as my mother would say. Active, fit, cultured and a gent. I like finer things, getting muddy on hikes and I play in the sea on whatever the wind or tide will allow.

I’m considerate, genuine and looking for real romance. Sunsets, long days out together and being vulnerable.

Love a good whiskey, a vodka martini and a glass of a decent fizz.

I’m held together by freckles and burn in moonlight so factor 50 all the way.

Sounds good to me, respectful and not overlong.

But please try and remember, ultimately there are thousands of others just like you on their platform. In the nicest possible way you are not special and its hard to make yourself standout in the OLD world :(

I am sure it'll ultimately come good in the end - it'll just take a bit of time.

Take the second paragraph out imo.

This is what puts me off dating apps, you sound perfectly nice and yet you are having a nightmare on it. People keep recommending Bumble to me which I think is more relationshippy than some of the others.

I don't like polo shirts.

"I'm all there" is awful. It sounds like a) you're making a joke about not being mentally ill or b) you're a Tom cat who hasn't been castrated.

Neither option is great.

I always start the conversation. I try to pick up something from their profile and mention that just to show I’ve read their profile.

I'd get rid of this line
"“I’m all there” as my mother would say. Active, fit, cultured and a gent. "

I'd think you were a mummy's boy and people who call themselves "gents" often have a secret creep side so I'd steer clear

So .. do you instigate the messaging? I wouldn't mention your Mother when trying to sell yourself so to speak. I get it's a joke reference, but it instantly screams Mummy's boy.

Cross posted! @AdamRyan Yup... any mention of Mother makes me think of Norman Bates.

So we’re not a match @Frith2013 on the basis of you’re not into polo shirts or my intro. Shame. You sound like a catch. 😉

Ok. Maybe that has to go. I was trying to be original but hadn’t considered mummy’s boy. I’m far from it.

I like the reference to your mother's phrase. Honestly it's just a numbers game/total luck of the draw I think. There's nothing wrong with you.

Assure me you're not one of those twits who has his polo shirt collar sticking up ON PURPOSE.

They just remind me of the airtex shirts we had to wear for PE at school!

I'm trying to be witty (and helpful)
I’ve no idea about dating - but with those watersports and hobbies - just get yourself on a Neilson activity beachclub holiday - like Club Alana in Croatia, and sit on the singles tables for dinner after a full day out on the water…

Take some ladies out sailing on a catamaran, share stories of your adventures with other guests over dinner…

What dating site are you using?

Give me some credit. 😂

Is there a dog being cuddled in your picture? Your profile sounds perfectly fine to me! But then I've only just joined online dating and I'm there to window shop 🫣 as others have said, 1000's of men all doing the same. The right person will come along when you least expect it. Don't lose faith, but equally don't let this eat you up either.. crack on with life.

What a great idea. Maybe in 2023 we’ve just forgotten what it means to meet in the real world. Thank you. ❤️

Haha. No. There are also no cars, carp being held, beers, tongues out or on that bridge in Amsterdam that everyone seems to stand on. 😇