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Original poster

OLD. My goodness grief.

282 replies

Joewessex · 10/04/2023 19:51

Evening evening and I hope you all had a nice Easter weekend.

if possible, I’d like to get a perspective of OLD from women.

if I’m honest, I find it hideous. Hideous in that it’s soul destroying. Whilst that sounds dramatic, I’m at my wits end wondering what I’m doing wrong.

Match after match and lots of silence. I don’t get why people are on it.

I thought I was a handsome guy, I’m definitely fit as I gym enough to have a body to show for it but I’m thinking something is wrong with my approach. I’m 47, no kids (I can’t have them) and I’ve been single 18 months. I’ve had a dozen dates but it just feels flat. One was quite amazing but she announced she was still married and with her ex at the date.

Im educated, dress well and have the usual stuff like my own home and a decent career. But finding a partner seems to be impossible nowadays. It used to be fun.

I do get out and about as I kayak, row, gym, climb and paddleboard etc but nothing comes of things nowadays. I’m a little bit shy so my confidence isn’t all there all the time but I soon warm up.

Any advice?

thank you ☺️

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 10/04/2023 21:08

DO NOT put GSOH - everybody puts it, it's meaningless, it's entirely subjective and humour is individual. By all means say what you find funny, as compatible humour is more meaningful.

Im99912 · 10/04/2023 21:08

if your into fitness and hiking I highly reccomend a residential bootcamp type holiday 😂😂
They are often in fabulous luxury villas in Spain Morocco Canaries Dubai and the women outnumber the men massively
like 1 man to every 10 women
I know a few couples who met on these holidays over the years and are still together

Aylestone · 10/04/2023 21:08

I realise I’m being extremely rude here, but if you want honest opinions I find your profile a bit wanky and very off putting. @AlexandraJJ has pointed a few bits out out that gave me the instant ick. I don’t want to know what your mother thinks about your body, the ‘vulnerable’ bit is weird, and the getting muddy and playing in the sea is worded weirdly as well. It makes you sound like a bit of a mummy’s boy/man child with an air of arrogance stating you’re fit, cultured and like the finer things.

Pyaar · 10/04/2023 21:08

I think your profile sounds absolutely fine but some posters have made some good suggestions.

The point about it not standing out is true, might be worth swapping the bit about the drinks for something a bit more specific to your personality.

Or i saw this on one profile which i liked "i dont have kids but don't mind if you do". Obviously not true for everyone 😅

Original poster
Joewessex · 10/04/2023 21:10

Aylestone · 10/04/2023 21:08

I realise I’m being extremely rude here, but if you want honest opinions I find your profile a bit wanky and very off putting. @AlexandraJJ has pointed a few bits out out that gave me the instant ick. I don’t want to know what your mother thinks about your body, the ‘vulnerable’ bit is weird, and the getting muddy and playing in the sea is worded weirdly as well. It makes you sound like a bit of a mummy’s boy/man child with an air of arrogance stating you’re fit, cultured and like the finer things.

I’m thinking “I’m all there” doesn’t translate. My mother is Canadian and it means quick witted.

OP posts:
Shitsandwiches · 10/04/2023 21:12

I'm yet to try OLD. Not sure I will to be honest, christ knows what I'd put as my profile plus I hate every picture of myself.

You're brave for getting out there - I don't mind your profile - it's interesting to see the differing opinions. Would you not say what kind of woman you're looking for or don't we do that? I wouldn't know!

Aylestone · 10/04/2023 21:12

Joewessex · 10/04/2023 21:10

I’m thinking “I’m all there” doesn’t translate. My mother is Canadian and it means quick witted.

Show quote history

Ha, that definitely makes me slow witted then as I didn’t get it, it came across strange to me after the body comment. Like a pp has said, it makes you sound like a dog that hasn’t been neutered 😂

icelolly12 · 10/04/2023 21:14

Maybe put something like "let's talk and get to know each other. What would your perfect first date be?"

bellabellaIzzie · 10/04/2023 21:15

Love a good whiskey, a vodka martini and a glass of a decent fizz.

This would put me off. Probably just me though, too much emphasis on alcohol for me as a non drinker.

Active part would sound fine to me as I'm also very active with sports/hobbies.

I think your age range all younger is a bit off. A few years above and below more realistic?

Im99912 · 10/04/2023 21:17

I think maybe think of the sort of person you like and try and word it to attract them

if you are tall put that in somewhere
my brother is 6ft 3 and put something like I yes I am really 6ft 3 😂 as height is something a lot of men lie about

bellabellaIzzie · 10/04/2023 21:18

Sorry to be picky, but I also don't like 'all there' and think it could be misinterpreted. 'Vulnerable' doesn't appeal either.

You've probably had lots of constructive criticism, but at the moment I wouldn't swipe (or whatever it is) on a profile like that.

Sunnygirl07 · 10/04/2023 21:18

I liked your profile because keeping & staying fit is important to me too. Your mention of your Mum is not a problem for me at all as I am very close to my Mum too.

I am married, and my DH pretended for 1 year he was into fitness too when he met me:). Probably to find similarities with me. But he has others strengths I appreciate.

It's all very personal. Good luck with finding your Best Match.

Sunnygirl07 · 10/04/2023 21:20

*He has other strengths

The only thing - I always avoid people who drink more than the NHS advice limit. I hope you are sensible with alcohol.

Original poster
Joewessex · 10/04/2023 21:21

Sunnygirl07 · 10/04/2023 21:20

*He has other strengths

The only thing - I always avoid people who drink more than the NHS advice limit. I hope you are sensible with alcohol.

I’m an angel with food and drink. Yes I like a drink at the weekend but I’m not a “drinker”.

OP posts:
AutisticLegoLover · 10/04/2023 21:22

You sound funny but I'd peg you as a functioning alcoholic mummy's boy who is into beimg dom

TheVastKingdom · 10/04/2023 21:22

I find the responses fascinating. I think keep being you. If what you have written turns some women off, they aren't for you. I loved what you have written, including your title here, and your subsequent posts.
I'm not looking right now, and I'm a smidge above your age range (49 this month), but if I was, I'd swipe yes or whatever it is you're meant to do on whatever OLD site you're using.

Are you still hoping to have children?
Is someone already having children (young? Grown up? Either?) a plus or a negative?

Best of luck.

Newyearnewhome · 10/04/2023 21:23

@Joewessex here’s my view as someone doing OLD in your age group in London area…

your profile sounds…fine. If it’s backed up by decent pictures, I’d probably match with you.

You sound like a nice enough guy in your intro. However, I’d struggle to find a conversation starter from your profile- it’s all very generic.

I’ve seen guys I’ve liked the look of on OLD, but have struggled to find something interesting to ask them to break the ice in a message, so have postponed sending a message, then promptly forgot!

I’m on hinge and they have prompts like ‘describe your perfect day’, ‘new years resolution’. It’s corny, but it gets a convo started if someone else can find commonality in your answer.

I’d avoid anything about drinking - it sounds a bit lame. (unless you are really into whisky or something)

Also - sunsets? That sounds a bit like you’re saying what you think women want to hear.

how about saying what kind of person you are looking for? Be specific about your hobbies, rather than just like being active. If you say you love paddle boarding in Cornwall and want to find someone to join you, it gives a way into a convo.

Don’t get me wrong- I’ve also got a half arsed generic profile and I know how difficult it is to think of something interesting that isn’t too wanky… hoping to give you constructive criticism!

Greensleevevssnotnose · 10/04/2023 21:24

I met my partner of 10 years on Tinder. I think you need to be brutally honest and ruthless. I dont remember it exactly but something like

Woman 35 5 ft 6 but heavier than I would like, currently navigating a difficult divorce own home and good job seeks Man aged 30 - 50 preferably taller and skinnier than me within 5 miles of home town. No divorcees no dad's. For fun and maybe more. Must have own place as I am still living with ex until divorce finalised. About a year I reckon.

You might think this is harsh but straight to the point and I got what I wanted. Obviously got a few parents trying it on but it was easy to weed them out.

suburbophobe · 10/04/2023 21:25

I'm sure you'll find the one for you.

Well, hopefully he will.

Thing is, we were all brought up on fairy stories...

"And they lived happily ever after"....

Mumsnet shows it's not quite like that.

Hope you find the woman you're looking for OP.

AutisticLegoLover · 10/04/2023 21:26

Ffs phone keypad is dysfunctional. Try again.

Dominated in the bedroom with a good side line in being a misogynistic creep.

You mention your mum early on and in a weird way about being all there. What does that even mean? You've mentioned 3 types of alcohol you like drinking so I'd think you're at best a regular drinker or someone who needs alcohol to unwind. Vulnerable? Likes to be dominated or is maybe a wet blanket man child (see mummy's boy comment above) Gent? Usually code for misogynist who opens doors but talks to your tits.

jamaisjedors · 10/04/2023 21:26

bellabellaIzzie · 10/04/2023 21:15

Love a good whiskey, a vodka martini and a glass of a decent fizz.

This would put me off. Probably just me though, too much emphasis on alcohol for me as a non drinker.

Active part would sound fine to me as I'm also very active with sports/hobbies.

I think your age range all younger is a bit off. A few years above and below more realistic?

I agree about the age range. You might miss out on someone who's just turned 48, which would be ridiculous!

Original poster
Joewessex · 10/04/2023 21:28

AutisticLegoLover · 10/04/2023 21:22

You sound funny but I'd peg you as a functioning alcoholic mummy's boy who is into beimg dom

Lots seem to like a bit of dom once in a while as for being pegged. That’s something that I’m not going to put on my profile. 😂

OP posts:
EastAngle · 10/04/2023 21:28

Thought that you might get a few messages asking what ‘I’m all there’ means? Never heard of that expression, does it mean physically or mentally? Other than that, I can’t see many people messaging off the back of that profile. I don’t mean that in a rude way, I’ve also had little to no success OLD so probably not in a position to advise!

TheVastKingdom · 10/04/2023 21:28

TheVastKingdom · 10/04/2023 21:22

I find the responses fascinating. I think keep being you. If what you have written turns some women off, they aren't for you. I loved what you have written, including your title here, and your subsequent posts.
I'm not looking right now, and I'm a smidge above your age range (49 this month), but if I was, I'd swipe yes or whatever it is you're meant to do on whatever OLD site you're using.

Are you still hoping to have children?
Is someone already having children (young? Grown up? Either?) a plus or a negative?

Best of luck.

I'm really so sorry. I realise you said you can't have them. Please gloss over my faux pas there.

I'll amend. Would her coming with kids be a bonus or would you prefer to stick to a child-free lifestyle?

memememe · 10/04/2023 21:29

I'm having the same trouble on tinder (im a woman though) I'd swipe on your profile from what I've read... I'm getting matches but not messages and then when/if I message no response. It really is a nightmare!