OLD. My goodness grief.

[Joewessex]

Evening evening and I hope you all had a nice Easter weekend.

if possible, I’d like to get a perspective of OLD from women.

if I’m honest, I find it hideous. Hideous in that it’s soul destroying. Whilst that sounds dramatic, I’m at my wits end wondering what I’m doing wrong.

Match after match and lots of silence. I don’t get why people are on it.

I thought I was a handsome guy, I’m definitely fit as I gym enough to have a body to show for it but I’m thinking something is wrong with my approach. I’m 47, no kids (I can’t have them) and I’ve been single 18 months. I’ve had a dozen dates but it just feels flat. One was quite amazing but she announced she was still married and with her ex at the date.

Im educated, dress well and have the usual stuff like my own home and a decent career. But finding a partner seems to be impossible nowadays. It used to be fun.

I do get out and about as I kayak, row, gym, climb and paddleboard etc but nothing comes of things nowadays. I’m a little bit shy so my confidence isn’t all there all the time but I soon warm up.

Any advice?

thank you ☺️

tbh your profile only needs "i like pina colodas" to be perfect.

remove your mum's opinion. "All there" sounds like how to describe an intact male dog.

You have great hobbies and sound like a nice guy-do you belong to a rowing club? Think you might do better in real life? Your profile is trying too hard to say too much-

Also try Hinge? Tinder more hook up?

Good luck

I thought I was a handsome guy, I’m definitely fit as I gym enough to have a body to show for it

First turn off.
It sounds arrogant.

Don't say you like hiking, everyone says that - true or not. Share the best hike you've been on, or the places you'd like to go. Give information that can act as a conversation starter.

Funnily enough was talking about this exact same thing with my partner this morning as we met on Tinder. He said there were so many people on there, and while my photos were lovely, it was the fact i had highlighted a song that was from a genre we both loved and that i had put a subtle comment alluding to a hobby that is uncommon that he's also into. In short, for him at least, my profile stood out.

One thing missing from your profile OP, is anything about financial security. As well as GSOH, friend is pretty strict about the men she dates must be similar or slightly better income to herself. She simply doesn't want a financial deadweight partner.

Friend is 39 & quite partial to pale redheads & sporty types, shame for you that she currently has a tame specimen at home !

As what @OneMoreCookieMonster said.

I'm 39 mother of 2 and I absolutely avoid 'the super fit guy with all these outdoor hobbies'. For the simple reason it makes me feel inferior. I automatically think 'what would he see in me?'.

So my advice would be to read the room. The target audience so to speak. Write and honest profile for them.

I agree with others about the 'mum' comment and the poster that suggested re-jigging the second paragraph.

BTW I'm not very good with the advice as my profile is ridiculous and might as well not be there!

@Joewessex have you tried Hinge? I had success on there, I realise it's luck of the draw. I had 5 dates, no 4 turned out to be the love of my life! Hinge gives a lot of features for free, it cost me nothing.

Good luck.

I’d love a bit of flirting and banter. It sometimes feels a bit clinical on an app. I’m quite mischievous so I like a bit of a laugh.

yep the mother comment made me think Mummys boy and I dont get the im all there bit, all there in what way? otherwise you sound really nice.

6’1 and “I’m all there” as my mother would say

2nd turn-off.

Too enmeshed with your mother.

Don't get me wrong. I have an adult son. No way am I going to interfere in his love life.

Have you been married before?

Thank you. When you write about yourself I guess you try to sell yourself and in doing that you can put many off. I’ll take those out.

You could change this to say "friends say that I am .....".

No unfortunately. I was with my ex 10 years and she was dead against marriage.

Interesting - I hadn’t thought of that.

also - sadly not a redhead despite the freckles.

Honestly, it just takes time and a thick skin. You need to be like a weeble when it comes to those first messages - get hit, wobble, but never fall down! And blank them from your memory afterwards.

You sound really nice, so don't worry. If I were being picky, for me personally, I would be confused by the 'all there' and the reference to your mother. I would possibly wonder if someone calling themselves a 'gent' would be a bit old-fashioned/sexist. I also thought that the mention of sunsets and romance was a bit cheesy.

I'd definitely say less is more. Delete a lot of this. But I thought the bit about being held together by freckles was funny - keep that!

FWIW, when I did online dating I definitely preferred people who had quite a brief profile, and it also gives you far more to chat about on any first date.

My now H used to take his teenagers on these type of holidays and yes there were often single women there with children.

Oh, please don't do this. No one needs either their mother or their friends on their online dating profile.

Right well as a slightly older female wondering the same thing, I got loads of likes and people willing to chat - but that's as far as they seem to want to go. It seems a lot of people are just on it to pass the time chatting and no interest in meeting up. I adjusted my profile asking people to pass on me if they only want to chat rather than meet - guess what, a lot less likes and no chat since.
It seems people started expecting chatting to be an end in itself during covid times and haven't changed since.
As far as your bio goes, if you say you love the drinks but make it clear it's in moderation then they won't be thinking you might have a drink problem. 'Being vulnerable' just sounds an odd think to say, and I roll my eyes at the mention of genuine, honest etc. - it should be a given, if you need to say it you look like a convincer - ie. the opposite of what you claim.

You sound very nice. Good luck!

I don't think I have the resilience to deal with dating apps so when I dip my toe back into the water, it'll be in real life, I think.

No don't say anything about financial security in detail - it's like the having your own house and you are fishing 😂.

We all like different things 😂 that's the problem.

I'd say you lost 5st and are proud of it. I'd remember your profile for that

I think that’s it. Less is more.

going by all of the above, somethings are marmite to one and loved by others. So keep the chat for the dates. Then I’m really in trouble. 😂

@Joewessex - no problem at all. And congratulations and well done your weight loss. You should be proud of what you've achieved. I feel the same after a 3 stone loss (jokes on me though pregnant soon after) but I tend to down play what I've achieved. Personally, I don't like the attention.

Think you're approaching a sensible age range.

I think something that shows a deeper understanding of personal struggles could help.

Do you have a clear idea on the type of woman you're looking for? Not just physical appearance, but emotional intelligence, personality and a willingness to discover? May be just try and like or swipe (whatever it is your supposed to do) on someone who's profile sounds like what you want but may not necessarily be your 'type'.

I'm sure you'll find the one for you.

True!

I guess I should say: OP, you need to figure out which of our responses sound nice to you, and go with what those responses say. Likely that will guide you right.