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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP locked me out for fun

189 replies

bookbu · 08/04/2023 08:05

He does have a form of these pranks that aren't even funny.

Every single time I have been told I'm unreasonable, don't have any sense of humour as anyone else would find it hilarious, and I need to start working on my behaviour and reactions to these.

He locked me out of home when I was hanging a washing in the garden yesterday. He just stood there in the kitchen looking at me when I was knocking the patio door asking him to let me back in. Eventually I started crying there and went straight upstairs once he finally let me in. Then I have been told how wrong my reaction was.

My ex husband used to lock the door so I couldn't leave the house when we argued. This prank just triggered me so much. What's the best reaction when someone does this type of jokes? DP won't listen if I asked that he stopps doing these. I have asked yesterday and only been told to stop being so boring and to start working on my behavior because my reactions are all wrong. I'm so sad, upset but deep down I'm not even sure if that's the right thing

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 08/04/2023 08:07

It might be funny to him but I’d be angry too. Awful way to treat you and then blame you for not having a sense of humour. I personally hate practical jokes

user1471538283 · 08/04/2023 08:09

That's not funny. Even if he didn't know your history it's not funny. It's not a prank, it's cruel. I'd lock him out for good.

newjobnewstartihope · 08/04/2023 08:09

You need to tell him exactly what he is - a bully. What you decide to do next in regards to your relationship is your decision entirely but please be assured his behaviour is not normal

Tiredmama30 · 08/04/2023 08:09

He needs to grow up. Some people don’t like pranks, me being one of them, and some do. Literally have no reaction, my family would’ve done that a lot particularly my younger siblings and I just used to look and go seriously? Made them feel a bit silly and they stopped. Also and this is way out there but do you think you’re right for each other based on humour?

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 08/04/2023 08:09

I would be upset if this happened to me, my husband wouldn’t mean anything by it but past traumas would really upset me.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 08/04/2023 08:10

The best reaction is to tell him that you don’t like these ‘jokes’ and not to do it again. If he does the leave him as he doesn’t respect you.

MatchsticksForMyEyesReturns · 08/04/2023 08:10

This behaviour is emotional abuse as he is totally dismissing your feelings. I had this for 8 years. He's my ex for a reason. It's even worse if he knows what your ex did as he would then know how that would make you feel.

PortmeirionTiles · 08/04/2023 08:10

I wouldn’t be triggered as such by this because I fortunately don’t have the history you’ve had, but I wouldn’t think it was funny in the slightest. Where’s the joke? That you were busy doing household chores and he was stuffing around stopping you getting on with it? I fail to see the funny side. I’m completely with you, OP.

Soontobe60 · 08/04/2023 08:11

I would be absolutely furious if my DH did this to me and then had the cheek to basically get over myself. Your DP is a bully. Get rid.

Notbeinfunnehbut · 08/04/2023 08:11

Does he know your history? About ex husband locking doors etc if so then he’s a real POS

Eggseggseverywhere · 08/04/2023 08:11

Ltb. He is a bully.

DustyLee123 · 08/04/2023 08:11

It’s not a practical joke, it’s bullying and emotional abuse.
‘Do not let him tell you that it’s you that has the problem.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 08/04/2023 08:12

Jokes are only funny if both people find them funny. If one doesn’t or is upset by then it’s bullying. Id honestly consider leaving

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 08/04/2023 08:12

My blood ran cold when I read this. It’s just horrid. I have never advised anyone to LTB before, but I would have my bags packed on this one.

memyselfi · 08/04/2023 08:13

Wtf is funny about locking someone out ?
Maybe if you're 5.
Dickhead.

duvetcovereddissident · 08/04/2023 08:13

Its a horrible thing to do, and not at all funny, you don't need to work on anything, he does

Codlingmoths · 08/04/2023 08:14

There is nothing funny about this, it’s really sad and a horrible way to treat someone. It doesn’t sound like he cares how you feel about it so personally I would be considering how to leave.

Sparklfairy · 08/04/2023 08:18

What's the best reaction when someone does this type of jokes? DP won't listen if I asked that he stopps doing these.

The only reaction if he doesn't listen is to leave. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but you're clearly defining your boundaries, and he's clearly trampling all over them. He'll keep doing it if you let him, and someone as disrespectful and pigheaded as that will not change.

category12 · 08/04/2023 08:18

Actually because he's turning it round on you and telling you you've no sense of humour, you really need to think about what is going on in your relationship. It seems to me like he's bullying you and then blaming you for reacting to it.

It's not a funny "prank", it's just stupid and bizarre.

And when you were upset, instead of being sorry he'd upset you, he doubled down and told you it was you at fault.

I'm wondering if you've swapped one abusive dickhead for another (possibly lower level) abusive dickhead.

Jokes/pranks on each other are only fun when you're both on the same page. If only one of you is laughing, it's likely bullying.

Greentree1 · 08/04/2023 08:19

I've locked mu DH out accidentally and he was furious. I just forgot he had disappeared somewhere in the garden and locked the door when I came in out of habit. Definitely not a joke to do this deliberately.

NameChangeNumber359 · 08/04/2023 08:22

It's him that needs to work on his behaviour - what on earth is he getting out of annoying you to the point that you start crying? Surely the whole point of a practical joke is that both sides can see the funny side. Tell him to fuck off and find somebody that finds his puerile, gaslighting bullshit even remotely amusing. He'll be single for quite some time I would imagine.

tribpot · 08/04/2023 08:24

What's the best reaction when someone does this type of jokes?
To leave and find someone who isn't a juvenile, gaslighting prick?

The actual 'prank' is bad enough, but what's more chilling is his policing of your reaction to them I have been told I'm unreasonable, don't have any sense of humour as anyone else would find it hilarious, and I need to start working on my behaviour and reactions to these. Why should you? If you did something to him which anyone else would find hilarious and he didn't, he'd be quite within his rights to ask you not to do it and you should respect that. Why should it be any different in reverse?

MorningPlatypus · 08/04/2023 08:25

He's an abusive POS.

FlamingoQueen · 08/04/2023 08:26

This is really worrying - the fact he finds it funny and knows about your history. It’s not a healthy relationship. I would sit him down and tell him that if he finds it funny then he needs to leave.

NewDogOwner · 08/04/2023 08:27

It's not a prank if the other person won't find it funny. This was cruel and a display of dominance. Do any of his other 'pranks' have a similar dynamic?