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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP locked me out for fun

189 replies

bookbu · 08/04/2023 08:05

He does have a form of these pranks that aren't even funny.

Every single time I have been told I'm unreasonable, don't have any sense of humour as anyone else would find it hilarious, and I need to start working on my behaviour and reactions to these.

He locked me out of home when I was hanging a washing in the garden yesterday. He just stood there in the kitchen looking at me when I was knocking the patio door asking him to let me back in. Eventually I started crying there and went straight upstairs once he finally let me in. Then I have been told how wrong my reaction was.

My ex husband used to lock the door so I couldn't leave the house when we argued. This prank just triggered me so much. What's the best reaction when someone does this type of jokes? DP won't listen if I asked that he stopps doing these. I have asked yesterday and only been told to stop being so boring and to start working on my behavior because my reactions are all wrong. I'm so sad, upset but deep down I'm not even sure if that's the right thing

OP posts:
SpanielEye · 08/04/2023 08:27

He is abusive. I’ll make a guess that it’s not just his “pranks” either.

Can you afford to have some counselling, just for you? (definitely not couples counselling and don’t tell him about it either)

tescocreditcard · 08/04/2023 08:28

Have some fun with it. Start doing the same thing to him plus other practical jokes like hiding his car keys when he's just about to go to work.

GoodChat · 08/04/2023 08:29

I'd talk to him about how you found this triggering.

His reaction would decide next steps.

YellowGreenBlue · 08/04/2023 08:31

This is awful. You are not overreacting and he is behaving like a dick. If you don't want to end the relationship, I would ask him to attend couples counselling with you so that you have the opportunity to explain in front of a third person how upsetting you find this.

Bearpawk · 08/04/2023 08:31

Nope, doesn't matter if he thinks funny or not a if he knows it upsets you and continues to do it then he's abusing you.
What sort of husband makes his wife cry for fun? I'd honestly get rid.

Flatandhappy · 08/04/2023 08:32

I would be locking him out permanently. If he knows your history he is being abusive, you do not need to be in another abusive relationship, you deserve better x

dizzydizzydizzy · 08/04/2023 08:33

MatchsticksForMyEyesReturns · 08/04/2023 08:10

This behaviour is emotional abuse as he is totally dismissing your feelings. I had this for 8 years. He's my ex for a reason. It's even worse if he knows what your ex did as he would then know how that would make you feel.

This.

Your reaction was totally normal and understandable, OP . I don't have your past experience but I would have been upset too.

Trixiedrum · 08/04/2023 08:34

This wasn’t a joke. He didn’t find it funny, because it’s objectively not funny, he just enjoyed upsetting you. I’m sorry, but this is an abusive relationship. If you were my friend I would hope you’d leave him.

Do you have any friends or family you can talk to?

Oldnproud · 08/04/2023 08:35

Good grief! How old is he - 8?

That is the sort of thing that my taunting brother would have done to me for fun when he was about that age. It wasn't funny then for me, the victim, so how a grown man can even begin to think it is funny is beyond me.

His doing that to you then reacting as he did to your being upset is abusive behaviour.

Greenfairydust · 08/04/2023 08:37

This is not a joke.

This is a calculated act to unsettle/hurt/humiliate you and then gaslight you by passing it as a ''joke''.

The fact that you have a history of abusive relationship also rings alarms bells because predatory men target women who are vulnerable/have been abused in the past because they know their self-esteem has already been knocked down and they might be easier to control.

I worry that your partner will escalate the frequency and type of ''jokes'' that he is putting you through and the gaslighting.

Leave him now.

If he knows that your partner used to lock you up this is a clear sign that this guy is also up to no good. No decent man would risk triggering you with such ''pranks''.

Limetart · 08/04/2023 08:38

I’d make him a special pie with a dose of castor oil and laugh when he’s sat on the toilet.
Because after all it’s just a joke, isn’t it?
Then I’d leave him.

PrinceHaz · 08/04/2023 08:39

He’d be fuming if you played practical jokes on him.
what a trusty horrible person he sounds. I would leave him.

Itsokay2020 · 08/04/2023 08:39

@bookbu YANBU, this is awful behaviour from your DP. Why anyone would think this is funny is beyond me, to actually watch you become more and more upset is actually very sinister in my opinion.

How often is he ‘pranking’ you? The rest of the time, do you enjoy being around him? Is he abusive and controlling in other ways? If you were to prank him, how would he react? Do you feel strong enough to prank him; hide his keys, cover a delicious meal in salt, swap us shower gel with washing up liquid etc? There’s so much you could do, but I suspect he won’t take it well as this is much more about controlling you.

In your position, I would seriously consider leaving.

Sundaefraise · 08/04/2023 08:40

He’s an absolute dickhead and he’s got you questioning yourself. It’s not you not having a sense of humour, it’s him and his shit ‘jokes’. I don’t have your history and i would be furious. Did you do the freedom program after your marriage? I feel like maybe you’re still too accepting of unacceptable behavior.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/04/2023 08:40

Leave him.

Right now.

He won't be laughing then.

shutthewindownow · 08/04/2023 08:41

Your husband is a total nob head

k1233 · 08/04/2023 08:42

I would have walked in, depending exactly how fuming I was I might have packed a bag for a couple of days, or just picked up the car keys and left without saying a word. I would use my time to decide if I really wanted to continue in a relationship where someone finds my distress funny.

Telling you that you are reacting wrong is emotionally abusive. Locking you out, isn't something a kind person does.

clocktock · 08/04/2023 08:43

It's abusive bullying behaviour. My exh used to do things like this to me. Also using taps downstairs to make my shower going boiling hot and burn me, racing driving dangerously in the car terrifying me....

I'd be accused of being uptight or boring. He was just a stupid weak little man who enjoyed seeing me upset.

I'd think very carefully about staying with a man who finds terrorising you funny

TheInterceptor · 08/04/2023 08:44

Another vote for Leave The Bully. You deserve much, much better OP. I hope you can get to a place where you believe that.

IWineAndDontDine · 08/04/2023 08:47

This is so shit. I lock the door when my husband goes to get back in the car after getting petrol or something. Its funny for 2 seconds, we laugh, I let him back in. Cheap joke, brings us a few seconds of haha I got you joy.

He's not doing it because it's "funny". It's not "funny" for any more than a few seconds. He's doing it until he gets a reaction from you. Which begs the question, why the fuck would you do that to someone you care about?

Zonder · 08/04/2023 08:47

He's wrong. Most people wouldn't laugh this off. Would he? Trying locking him out next time he goes in the garden and see how funny he finds it.

How long have you been with him and whose house is it?

YouveGotToGrooveIt · 08/04/2023 08:48

This prank just triggered me so much. What's the best reaction when someone does this type of jokes?

"You do anything like this again and I will burn every fucking thing you own and chuck you out on your arse. Twat."

Rachaelrachael · 08/04/2023 08:49

He is not doing this because it's funny. He's doing it because he's an abusive cunt. Do not believe a word he says when he's saying your reactions are all wrong. And definitely get out of this relationship before this escalates.

SoggyPigeon · 08/04/2023 08:49

I think this is such a red flag that you should leave him. But, I’d confront him when you’re calm and tell him in your most serious voice that if he EVER tries something like this again, you will leave him. Because he is a bully. And that if his next sentence is minimizing your feelings, you’ll leave.

Eightiesgirl · 08/04/2023 08:52

I used to have exactly the same thing with my ex husband many years ago. Locking me out when I went to the dustbin at night, phoning my work, asking for me and putting on a stupid voice, getting me into trouble and the worst one was when I went to the toilet (we only had one) he'd start banging and shouting at the door, telling me to come out immediately as he needed it urgently, then laughing as I rushed out of the bathroom when he didn't need it at all. I now look back and it wasn't funny, it was bullying and abusive behaviour.