DP locked me out for fun

[bookbu]

He does have a form of these pranks that aren't even funny.

Every single time I have been told I'm unreasonable, don't have any sense of humour as anyone else would find it hilarious, and I need to start working on my behaviour and reactions to these.

He locked me out of home when I was hanging a washing in the garden yesterday. He just stood there in the kitchen looking at me when I was knocking the patio door asking him to let me back in. Eventually I started crying there and went straight upstairs once he finally let me in. Then I have been told how wrong my reaction was.

My ex husband used to lock the door so I couldn't leave the house when we argued. This prank just triggered me so much. What's the best reaction when someone does this type of jokes? DP won't listen if I asked that he stopps doing these. I have asked yesterday and only been told to stop being so boring and to start working on my behavior because my reactions are all wrong. I'm so sad, upset but deep down I'm not even sure if that's the right thing

He's an immature prick and you need to boot him out as soon as possible.

A very unfunny cunt.

You've hooked up with another abuser OP. You need to get your own house and dump his arse before you're in too deep.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It sounds awful. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and I’m SURE your friends and family would rather know so that they can help you. You can contact women’s aid, who may be able to help (or sign post you to help) regarding your tenancy etc. Please don’t stay in this situation. I don’t know you, but I do know that you deserve better than this x x https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

I have no words really except you need to get out of this terrible relationship with him 💐

Tell your family and friends. They shouldn't be telling you I told you so or anything like that. All they should be in supportive to get you out of there. He is an abuser, and he's escalated. It will get worse. Talk to womens aid, and your family/friends, you will be so much better off without him.

As a side note, you might want to think about keeping a record of anything that happens with dates and times. Hopefully you won’t ever need to refer to it, but it can be very helpful in case you ever do need it in future x

all of it reads abusive.

you mention:
Dangerous driving when I'm in the car

that us a MAJOR red flag.
sounds like he is only starting, this will be escalating soon.

He will try to get you pregnant to make it harder for you to leave.

He is abusive. Thank goodness you are not married or even in a long term relationship. Two months living together is so little.

Do not have children with this man. Do not marry him. Start now planning your escape.

He sounds mentally unwell and is punishing you, gets off from seeing your fear your upset. What a horrible excuse of a man.

Look at is as dodging a bullet and plan carefully how to leave. Do not tell him your plans.

His behaviour is alarming. It's slightly unhinged. This is before the extra stresses of having children. Get out now. He has shown you his deep self, it's nasty.

No one will think you’re stupid for being deceived by an abusive man. What’s important is you get yoruself safe and out. Now.

Get advice about the renting situation. As soon as possible. Good luck.

From your update he is fully abusive, not just a twat.

Please kick him out.
He has hidden his true colours until now but he thinks everything is safe enough now to ramp up the abuse and making you doubt yourself again and again.
You’re only two months in. Just tell him it’s not working and he is out. I’d even say have someone with you when you tell him. Change the locks.
And start living your life again. Because what you describe us no way to live.

I have learnt on here that abusive men ramp up the abuse when you move in together as they think they have you trapped. He wants a live in nanny as well. Do all you can to move out, a relationship should make you happy.

I had one of these OP. His pranks were hiliarious, apparently, except when the same prank was played on him.

we aren’t together any more, thanks be to god!

You should leave him for the dangerous driving, OP. He sounds like a stupid bully anyway. And complaining about your upset reaction to one of his nasty tricks? What a nerve! But dangerous driving is worst of all. Leave before he kills you.

Please speak to your family Op, I'm sure they love you and wouldn't want you to live like this. He won't get better no matter what you say to him, he thinks now you live together he can do as he likes. Expecting you to look after his DD without asking, the speeding in the car, the unkind and unfunny pranks all show a man who has no respect or love for you, frankly he's a bastard. Speak to your family and get out Op, it will only get worse

"You're looking after my daughter Friday while I do overtime" - chose to take this as a prank then, laugh in his face and say " you must be joking, she's your DD, your responsibility, not my problem".
Work from the library/ cosy cafe instead of home. If you were not there he'd either have to not do overtime or her mother would have her.
He is totally out of order, you know its a shitshow. If he moved out, could you get a lodger to make ends meet? Where were you both living before?
Clearly he had a plan all along, and the plan was to get a live-in woman to look after his DD for him, while he pockets more money, and services his needs on demand. He's not thought ahead as to maybe any woman would very soon wonder what she gets out of it?

I would be moving back out. It’s not a joke.

and I wouldn’t be telling him , I would simply sort it all out, go and block him on everything

As pp have said, it's only two months in, get away from this guy he's an utter bastard. Please don't let a couple of months turn into years of abuse. Some of the things I've read on this board and the torment that some posters have endured is heartbreaking don't let that be you. You deserve so much better in life.

Maybe talk to the letting agent and landlord; maybe I'm.not typical but honestly if I was told this about a tenant, I'd let them end the syrenent with a month or less notice - it's usually pretty fast to find another tenant in the current market.

*tenancy

Anyway, now you know why his DD'S Mum isn't with him.

Often the case with divorced and separated fathers.

The cab might be able to help you with the tenancy agreement.

And never worry about telling your family and friends! The world is full of nutters and abusers, any one with a tap of sense knows that. Anyone why truly cares about you would want you away from him asap.

I’d be planning to leave asap if I was you. He’s an abusive prick. I utterly detest people who do stuff like this. I guarantee that 100% of all pranksters are bully’s. The worst kind too, because they want you to laugh at being humiliated. It’s sick.

He drives dangerously and thinks that’s funny? And he’s a sex pest. He needs to go.
Bugger what your family think , just say it didn’t work out you went separate ways.
Check tenancy agreement. If he goes you might be able to get a flat mate to share the rent.
If he won’t go, walk away stating your personal safety to the landlord.
Whatever happens, don’t get pregnant by him, you’ll never be rid of him then.

Hi, I’m SO glad you’ve reached out to the forum. That demonstrates great resilience and indicates your ‘gut’ is telling you the current situation is not right. His behaviours are escalating really quickly. It’s only been 2 months, and yet look what he’s been doing already. The intimidation tactics (fast driving), enjoying scaring you, gaslighting you, humiliating you (locking you out) are dominating, abusive behaviours. Like a PP says, he’s enjoying watching your distress and getting a ‘kick’ out of it. Now, he’s also prioritizing his job as being more important than yours. How are you supposed to work at home and childmind HIS DC? He didn’t ‘ask’ you if you minded doing this. He’s merely ‘told’ you that’s what you’re doing (like it or not). Yet more, domineering, coercive behaviour…

He’s bad news hun. If we’ve got low self-esteem due to prior negative relationship experiences, we can sometimes lower our bar; bending ourselves double to try to please the abusive person, who will often try to blame us, for THEIR shitty/abusive actions and behaviours. Every single time he’s abusive and controlling towards you, he’s making a CHOICE to do that. He’s fully aware that he’s doing it. His lack of empathy towards you speaks volumes about how he gets an ego boost/a kick out of seeing you upset/confused by the situation etc.

Please, whatever you do, don’t get pregnant by him or the abuse may go on for years; even if separated, the abusive person often still tries to ‘get at’ their ex emotionally, by ‘weaponising’ the child custody situations (spitefully cancelling having the kid/s at the last second when they know you’re about to do something you’ve planned-like going away for the weekend or having to work etc). Often, they mess around re: child support payments etc.

I’m not in the UK, but I just googled England.shelter.org.uk and they seem to have advice on their website re: Tenancies and Domestic Violence you may like to have a read of perhaps? If (hopefully, ‘when’) you leave the relationship-If you’re the one to move out-please consider doing this while he’s at work; giving him no inkling at all of your plans. Sometimes, when we’ve had shit intimate partners before, we can turn the narrative against ourselves (‘Is it me?’ Am I trying hard enough? ‘Am I just overreacting?’ Etc). But only HE is responsible for his behaviours, words and actions-Not you. You are not over-reacting/you are not ‘to blame.’

You deserve SO much better than this. The fact he’s getting a kick out of seeing you upset is a HUGE red flag. He’s spiteful, domineering and disrespectful. You on the other hand, sound lovely and your ‘forever’ partner will hopefully be out there for you if/when you’re ready to look again in the future. The more time this abuser takes up in your life, the less time there is to be ‘you’ and explore things that make you happy/fulfil you. I think your intuition/gut is telling you that already though hey?

I hope you go on to live a happy, vibrant life free of abuse. You deserve no less xx

I tell my young children this, a grown man should be capable of understanding this fact and even if he isn't the moment he saw how upset you were he should have wanted to stop, apologise and not do it again. That's what would happen in a healthy relationship if one person over stepped on the other's boundaries. I'd be telling him if it happens again you're gone. He's being deliberately cruel to you, calling it a prank/joke doesn't change that. I can't stand people that think it's perfectly fine to hurt othe people this way. It's not a joke it's just nasty.