Feel like I can’t ever please him! Text messages attached

[Doodles29]

Last night I stayed at my boyfriend’s place. I am a teacher so am currently on Easter holidays.

He mentioned last night that he was going to come home today and clean after work. He then made a joke about me going merrily off on my day relaxing and him being at work (I know this was meant as a joke).

His place was a bit of a mess, so this morning I got up and spent 2 hours cleaning his place.

He says he appreciated it, but always seems to give me a bit of a back handed put down. This time it was about the washing machine setting. Text messages attached.

Am I the one being too sensitive? It’s great that he’s honest - but sometimes it hurts, especially as I have spent time to do that for him.

it just doesn’t make me want to do things like this for him again, which is a shame, as I’m a very giving person.

He sounds a total controlling arsehole

I wouldn't have dreamed of doing a man's washing and tidying if I didn't live with them. I barely do my own. Even aside from my own slatternly habits, though, I would never ever ever move someone's things or do their washing without checking with them first, because it's obvious that people are particular about those. When you tidy someone else's house, stick to the basics like a bit of hoovering, if you must do it at all.

If DP shifted around the organised chaos of my desk under the guise of "tidying" it, I would not be nearly as polite as the OP's partner. In fact I think he did that once and I hit the roof. Leave my shit alone!

The thing with a lot of people who describe themselves as "very giving", like the OP does, is that they don't stop to ask whether someone actually wants X and Y done for them at all. Do less! Or at best check first!

This. 😂😂😂.
But also, your boyfiend is a cock. And possibly heading towards a controlling one. He hinted at you to clean his house then texts you with the things you did "wrong"?! Fuck him.

Those of you giving this guy the benefit of the doubt might want to read the OP's many other threads about him. Hrs a total 🔔 🔚

I crumpled my face so hard. Girl, why are you cleaning some mans house, jesus. Just dont. If someone had cleaned my house whilst I was out I would think it was so weird and I dont want to see my partner as someone like a mother who comes and tidies my room while im not there. In the messages he is cringe but I think he is trying to say he hated it. there is nothing sexy about someone cleaning your mess up, I dont think. Please dont try to please men, do the opposite!
Honestly do the fkng opposite! live your life, dont take silly comments about you being off, to heart. Enjoy your life. Was it enjoyable cleaning your mans place? Is that a cool way to spend your free time? Do you think it translates well?

Advanced search is still there! it's on the right hand side of the section headers

Controlling perhaps, but I read that he was just uncomfortable with it. As I would be, I would be totally weirded out. The bit in the texts for me that I would highlight is the "like ya" - hmm this would upset me more. I can see from this already that she is trying to win his love (why else would be be so sensitive and then action that by cleaning his house) only to get a very lukewarm "like ya" hence feeding the "you will love me" thing. Just no, this wont work.

Honestly OP, you know things aren’t right. You know he doesn’t make you feel good about yourself. And now you’ll be moving in and expected to be his cleaner, and he’ll critique your skills.

I hope you don’t move in with him.

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Mine doesn't look anything like that. I'm just on my phone?

I depends. If he was uncomfortable with you doing it and he’d really rather you didn’t, then they been quite polite about it. Otoh it could be a red flag. You can’t tell just from this one incidence.

I’ve not read the other threads but if you’ve made more than 1 thread then it’s pretty obvious you shouldn’t be moving in with this man.

Stop trying to force a relationship to work when it obviously doesn’t.

I haven't RTFT

He's a walking red flag and you'd be insane to move in with him.

I think there's a lot of projection going on. I presume these text messages are part of a pattern though, which you haven't explained OP? If he generally acts like you owe him favours or as if he is your linea manager, then I can I understand why you are having doubts. You could communicate clearly with him about this and see if he changes or you could leave. Depends on how long this relationship has lasted so far, how invested you are and if you see a future with him.

Otherwise I'd have thought the messages are not sufficient for any stranger to judge anything much about your relationship.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4698844-opinions-please

I thought I remembered your name @Doodles29 from a previous post. It was this one. PLEASE don’t move in with him.
More red flags than a red flag factory 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I find doing his washing weird to start with.
I find him checking / knowing you did it on 40 weird - how on earth did he know?
I find him ticking you off for it totally unacceptably weird and I wouldn't want to move in with someone like that. Moving in = honeymoon period, you can do no wrong and everything is joyful.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4755350-should-i-say-something-or-let-it-be

And this one @Doodles29 . Oh lovely. I am really worried for you.

Why are you moving in with someone who you fee you have to apologise all the time? This is the honeymoon period.

you both need to communicate better with each other. Don’t act if you feel he is hinting - ask straight so that you are both on the same page

After another poster did, I looked up your threads.

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS AWFUL, AWFUL MAN.

You’d have to be completely off your rocker. The sheer number of 🚩 is alarming. He’s horrible.

He knew you're on holiday and coming to stay at his. He should have tidied of for you instead of intentionally creating a messy place for you to spend your holiday in.

Oh op....I've read your other threads.

These posts on here are coming from your gut instinct. Something doesn't feel right to you and you can't put your finger on what it is but it's coming from your gut. Your gut is your best friend in situations like this. It's there to protect you. It's crying out trying to get you to listen. You know it's there and I'm glad your not dismissing it. You're seeking advice but ultimately this lies with you.

Deep deep down you know this relationship isn't right for you. You walk on egg shells around this man and constantly wonder what he's thinking. This is too much work and effort for a newish relationship. It should feel natural but it doesn't. You should be happy and excited to move in but your posts from the last few months say otherwise.

Nothing is going to change here. He's not going to change, if anything he will get worse. He's showing you very subtle hints as to who he is. Your gut can see it loud and clear but your head and your heart are confused. You will never be truly happy with this man. Nothing will magically change.

I'm glad you're moving from your parents as if you do decide to move in then I'd assume you will be able to move back? Please don't spend any of your finances.

Listen to your gut op, it's there to protect you.

I agree with this. I hate people messing with my stuff and I'd personally want someone to tell me if I had done something 'wrong' to their things when they hadn't asked. I get wrong might just be different but he hadn't asked you to to be able to specify temperature.

Missing the point of the thread entirely, but WTF shrinks at 40 degrees?!

He sounds like a right dickhead tbh. Nitpicking/being ungrateful is a very unattractive trait in my opinion and when you see on here relationships of 10+ years heading for divorce, nitpicking often features as something that over time has eroded the relationship.
And just keep repeating "I'm grateful" doesn't actually mean you are.
Giving you a hug and saying a genuine thankyou - no addendum, would be a far better way of "being grateful".
As an aside - don't let anyone make you feel guilty for having a rest and not washing his undies - teachers bloody earn that break!

Fuck that and I wouldn't be moving in with someone that 'couldn't be pleased'. You are already doubting yourself now because of him. Once you've moved into 'his' place, it won't be getting better, you'll be walking on eggshells before you know. Don't do it. In fact, run in the opposite direction.

Don't move in with him.
He needs to be chucked in the bin.