Feel like I can’t ever please him! Text messages attached

[Doodles29]

Last night I stayed at my boyfriend’s place. I am a teacher so am currently on Easter holidays.

He mentioned last night that he was going to come home today and clean after work. He then made a joke about me going merrily off on my day relaxing and him being at work (I know this was meant as a joke).

His place was a bit of a mess, so this morning I got up and spent 2 hours cleaning his place.

He says he appreciated it, but always seems to give me a bit of a back handed put down. This time it was about the washing machine setting. Text messages attached.

Am I the one being too sensitive? It’s great that he’s honest - but sometimes it hurts, especially as I have spent time to do that for him.

it just doesn’t make me want to do things like this for him again, which is a shame, as I’m a very giving person.

Bloody hell, why are you still with this person?

Stop being a doormat.

I think after reading all your other threads about him is that you are both totally mismatched. It reads like a complete boring toothache. You are trying to win him over and he is resolute that he can only be a certain way.
You will bend over backwards and he knows it. Set that in stone and here you are. constant tension push pull, love me more please, and him being not that arsed, sorry to say.

Move on and find a joyful relationship that uplifts and makes you feel good not this relentless ball ache boringness...

Exactly this. Doormat, and a need to please him as I dont think she gets enough from him. So this creates low self esteem even more and the need to constantly bend over backwards and be useful shattering all her own boundaries. This is about self-esteem more than anything.

I think you took it too personally. He did thank you and since you are moving in I guess he thought good to mention to you how he prefers his clothes to be washed. No reason for you to get offended. I would just reply good to know since you are moving in together soon. I was cleaning and then my fiance was cleaning after me I didn't like it but then I didn't care since he didn't make trouble about it. I never put his clothes in the closet as I don't remember where he puts them but I do fold them and I let him doing it. Is better not to do some things than do them and create disruption. I am sure you will find your balances since you are moving together but you are moving at his place so from one side you need to feel this is now your place too but at the same time you should respect some of his routines so you dont have tension

Good luck moving in OP, make sure you don't touch any of his stuff!

Oh and what's this about clothes shrinking at 40? I only wash at 40 (or 60), haven't shrunk anything in the last 35 years or so...

Just read your previous posts OP.

Has this man ever lived with another women ?

He likes to do things his way and you're offering your opinion, that he hasn't asked for.
He sounds like he values his own space and time.
Honestly OP I doubt you're compatible to live together.

Way to go to set yourself as the house skivvy🙄.

Where is your self respect?

If he had any, he would be cleaning up for YOU moving in.

But he knows you don't so is setting you up as skivvy and he will complain.

Cop yourself on and find some self respect.

Do you honestly believe this is the way to start living together?

With someone who already expects you to clean his dirt.

What sort of background do you have that this is what you think you should be doing on your holidays?

I would be horrified if you were my daughter and you somehow left home thinking so little of yourself and making so little of yourself before you have even moved in to his home🙄

Yes me too. This guy sees you as an added (but disposable) extra. If you tow the line and it works out, fine, but if it all goes to shit or he upsets you he doesn't really care. He's not built for partnership. You already know this and are trying to do extra little things to please him and turn him into the partner you want him to be. But it will never happen. Don't move in or beg for any more of his time or consideration and I suspect he will gradually phase you out as you're no longer useful.

I have never had clothes shrink st 40 unless they are wool or the cheap nasty viscose that White Stuff make reversible skirts out of. (Those skirts will shrink in a cold cycle, I'm never buying them again.)

Where are you buying your clothes from, so that I can avoid those sellers?

in Australia you will find that a lot of clothes will shrink at 40, not just ‘cheap nasty viscose’ stuff. My kids expensive joggers shrunk in a 40 wash. So if you live here you might want to avoid most sellers , lol, but appreciate your comment it made me laugh.
The point stands that I don’t like people interfering and doing my washing. I realise that some might be happy with it but I don’t and I was simply pointing out that maybe OPs dp felt the same

That gave me the ick 🤢

Why TF are you cleaning his house?
Oh and use of lil would make my vagina Sahara like 🤮

JFC. I despair of some women 🤦‍♀️

Why is she even doing his housework.

From the links that other posters have linked on this thread, it seems you've only been together for a year and this is already (at least) your third thread about him and his attitude to you.
Why on earth do you think it will be a good idea to move in with him? If you do, we'll be reading another thread imminently I'm sure.

OP he's a weapons grade utter wanker and he'll nit pick and critique EVERYTHING you do.

Fuck that for a life. Throw him back in the sea. You can do far, far better.

And for writing "You done"

Next time I’d do his washing by putting it in a barrel, covering it in petrol and putting a match to it

OP I actually feel enraged on behalf of women that you have done this. You say you cleaned up because he was hinting. That is pathetic. Women have worked for generations to try to get something approaching equality to have it messed up by this sort of crap.

Nothing wrong with cleaning up the house and having that role.

However to do it for a man who does nothing other than put his penis inside you, is stupid.

OP unless you are living together and happy with the division of household tasks - such as him paying for more as he earns more, him working longer hours so you do more of the household tasks, or dividing tasks into what you enjoy.... it's not going to work.

OP. Please don't move in with this nob head.
He'll be putting you down and making you feel like shit forever.
You'll end up trying so hard to please him that you'll wear yourself down. You deserve better.

Those texts conjure up a really concerning image of a woman climbing over herself to please, seeking approval ( the looks great text was, I'm guessing, in response to you mentioning what you'd done in the hopes he was pleased with you?) then the apologies, which as you say, you always seem to be making. I can't work out whether you've had the misfortune to encounter an exploitative, potentially abusive man, who you've become overly anxious to please, or whether by nature you're quire submissive. But either way, this is not a very healthy dynamic that's likely to lead to a cycle of you trying harder and harder, and him taking you more and more for granted.

exactly this

cornflakegeneration · Yesterday 23:28

I would be really annoyed if someone cleaned my place without me asking them to. I can't stand when things are not in the right place or things don't get done the way I like them.
So I can totally see his point of view and I think he's sort of saying, "thank you, it was a lovely thought, but don't do it again" 😂

but that's not what he said. He is giving her feedback on how to improve, as though she is a member of staff. Not someone who he loves and who has very kindly done him a favour. This is a red flag IMO.

And he knows fine well that she’s just about to move in. Which makes it worse as a red flag.

Just looking back through some of your other posts OP, i wouldnt move in with this person. Red flag city. Keep a distance.