Should I say something or let it be?

[Doodles29]

Hi all.

I am due to move in with my boyfriend over Easter.

I currently live at my parents. At the moment, I see him on Wednesdays, Saturday’s and Sundays where I stay at his place.

What concerns me is that he never seems to want to go outside of this pattern, unless it benefits him.

For example, yesterday evening he asked me to stay over (he wanted to borrow my laptop and for me to proof read something for him). This took up all of the evening.

I am due to see him tomorrow morning. He is doing nothing tonight, I am doing nothing tonight and he hasn’t asked me over. A part of me just finds it a bit odd, as I am seeing him early tomorrow anyway, and it’s me who gets up and drives over to him every time.

I get that he may need his space. I don’t think I’d find it so bad if I weren’t moving in full time at Easter.

It concerns me that we will be going from one evening and 2 days a week to full time - if he isn’t being flexible and wanting to see me now - I wonder how he will find it if I move in?

am I overthinking this and being silly? Am I being unreasonable?

many thanks.

Did he ask you to move in?

your post makes it sound like a relationship of convenience

Does he make any effort at all? I'd be rethinking moving in tbh, it sounds like you're doing all the running.

He did ask me to move in. What do you mean by that please? Am I being unreasonable? Thanks.

Tell him the truth??! You want to see him more over next few weeks instead of just going straight into living together.

He does make the effort when he’s with me. When we’re not together, he just goes into his own world it seems. I appreciate he needs space. But I feel worried about how he will adjust to me moving in and us upping our time together.

It also makes me question if he’s really that into me. I know if I had my own flat and no plans tonight, I’d be inviting him over.

Ok - I may speak to him about it.

Do you think I’m being a diva or a bit high maintenance?

I think if someone showed me the level of interest your post conveys

id of ditched them a long time ago

Can you see him giving up an evening to proofread something for you?

If you don't think he would, then it's a really lopsided relationship and I'd call off moving in.

Ok, think I’m going to speak to him about it. Just don’t want to look desperate I suppose.

wish me luck...

I think it would be wise to suggest a 3 month trial period. After which you either move in permanently or agree it's not going to work and move back to your parents'.

@category12 the confusing thing is he would.

He dedicated lots of time helping me a year ago with a solicitors case.

it’s just a bit confusing!

I only know from my own experience but just before my now DH and I moved in together we were lucky if we spent one or two nights apart a week. But we only lived about 10-15 minutes drive apart.

I really missed him when we weren’t together and he felt the same. We had no set or fixed days but latterly when we went out or saw each other we would alternate staying at each others houses as often as possible for several non set days at a time.

It sounds like you are maybe keener on him than he is on you. So I would maybe try and at least delay moving in together (without saying why) and see how you feel. Has he bought the place you plan to move into, is he renting or will you be buying or renting somewhere new together?

thank you for your advice. He has bought the place he is currently in.

I have 100k in savings from a previous property I moved out of. The idea was that I would move into his and we could test out for a year how things go, and then we’d buy a place together (but I would have a deed of trust written that if anything were to happen I’d have the 100k back).

You'd be insane to give this man any money, to move in with him or to miraculously expect things to change for the better.

If he's making no effort now you have no hope. Ditch him and buy somewhere by yourself.

I would move in as planned and see how it all works once you're there. It may be that do you don't spend all your free time together even when you're living together. But why are you waiting until Easter? You could suggest moving in sooner.

Don't mix finances at all. Sounds like he isn't that interested if you both have zero plans yet will sit in separate houses.

Tell him you would like a month trial run before moving in with him as you don't spend nearly enough time together. If he's not keen, don't do it

I think you already know the answer.

You haven’t said how long you’ve known him but I would get to know him a bit longer at the least. People can very easily be on their best behaviour for year or two.

Don't move in with a man you're worried about speaking to about something so basic.

Have chat, see how it goes and keep tightly hold of your cash.

Trust your instincts here.