Feel like I can’t ever please him! Text messages attached

[Doodles29]

Last night I stayed at my boyfriend’s place. I am a teacher so am currently on Easter holidays.

He mentioned last night that he was going to come home today and clean after work. He then made a joke about me going merrily off on my day relaxing and him being at work (I know this was meant as a joke).

His place was a bit of a mess, so this morning I got up and spent 2 hours cleaning his place.

He says he appreciated it, but always seems to give me a bit of a back handed put down. This time it was about the washing machine setting. Text messages attached.

Am I the one being too sensitive? It’s great that he’s honest - but sometimes it hurts, especially as I have spent time to do that for him.

it just doesn’t make me want to do things like this for him again, which is a shame, as I’m a very giving person.

Fuck. That.

I’m also a teacher on Easter break. If I spent 2 hours cleaning someone else’s house and they had the audacity to message like that, I’d be done.

All he needed to say was thank you.

Tbf I hate it when someone washes my clothes on the wrong setting, it’s so annoying especially if it ruins the clothes

Having said that it does seem a tad ungrateful of him, yes. Why are you cleaning up after him anyway?? Let him do it in future!

Would he ever spend 2 hours cleaning your house if you were put at work, and then be okay if you nit picked at it?

I mean I wouldn't be happy with his attitude but I feel like you are also setting yourself up to be the domestic person in the relationship by doing the housework at his house as well as your own and that's just asking for trouble

The rext at the end "like ya" is enough for me to go naw thanks, and yeah he is out of order btw

Well he's explained why. 40C shrinks his washing(as well as being more energy expensive), so that's fair.

Moving other peoples piles is also a no no. How will he find things if you've moved/put away? Even my own family won't touch my admin piles!

Just clean around things or do bathroom and kitchen only.

I’d dump him for spelling little as “lil”.

Did you actually discuss it before you did it? Got to be honest, I'd be fuming if a partner cleaned my flat because they had decided it was a "bit of a mess", moved my stuff etc.

OTOH if you did discuss it and he agreed to you doing it, he's an ungrateful arse.

It doesn't feel like an equal relationship. Is he much older?
I would not be doing his washing ever again...assuming the clothes weren't ruined he shouldn't have said anything.

Please reflect if you are trying to please him..is his effort towards you equal?

Why on earth did you spend 2 hours cleaning HIS place?

Fuck that!

I wouldn't ever clean for him again that's for sure

And I would also echo PP that you're setting yourself up to be the domestic drudge of the relationship by cleaning a house you don't even live in.

I know you think it's a nice thing, but he's clearly taking it for granted from those messages he sent.

It’s not as though he asked you a favour and then complained about it. It wasn’t his idea that you clean! You did that totally off your own bat. He has said thank you several times, and it’s not nit picking to say you don’t want your clothes washed at a certain temperature! If it were me, I’d be annoyed and think it was really interfering.

I don’t think he was rude? Quite diplomatic, I’d be quite offended if someone started moving my things and doing my washing. But others might think you was doing a nice thing so maybe no right or wrong here?

I think what grates most about this is that he felt the need to give you “feedback” by text. If, instead, he had texted “wow, amazing, thanks so much!” but then casually mentioned next time you were together that it was lovely to have done the washing but please don’t wash over 30 degrees if you ever do it again, that would have been politer.

‘Like ya’?

He deserves to get in the sea just for that.

I have to admit, though, that I’d find it really intrusive if someone washed my clothes or tidied my house. Even someone I was intimate with.

A few months after I started seeing my ex, his job changed so that he was working 6 days a week, so I offered to do his laundry when I did mine.
He gladly accepted but then complained about how I folded his t shirts.
I never did his laundry again..... (foolishly I still married him though, live & learn !!)

‘Like ya’ erm no

“Like ya” ?!

Fuck that. Ugh. Entitled little man.

I should have mentioned that the ‘Like ya’ is a personal joke.

we used to say this to eachother when we were first dating. He does tell me that he loves me, but more in person.

I expect he was probably saying that to lighten the delivery of what he was saying...

I can see it from his point of view.

I wouldn't be thrilled to come home to find my stuff moved and my clothes washed on the wrong setting. I'd want to show gratitude for the effort you put in while gently suggesting I'd rather do these things myself in future. It would be hard to word it well, knowing you'd get offended (as you have).

Best you just don't clean his house. Enjoy your holiday!

He texts like a hun.

My vaginal opening shrank to pinhead size when I got to 'lil'

I would be really annoyed if someone cleaned my place without me asking them to. I can't stand when things are not in the right place or things don't get done the way I like them.
So I can totally see his point of view and I think he's sort of saying, "thank you, it was a lovely thought, but don't do it again" 😂

Me too ...

He’s acting like a dick. Sulky that you’re off work and hinting he’s going to go to work then come home and clean while you’re relaxing. I wouldn’t be doing any more cleaning for him and would be thinking hard about if I wanted to be with him given the tone of those messages.