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Original poster

Feel like I can’t ever please him! Text messages attached

421 replies

Doodles29 · 03/04/2023 23:14

Last night I stayed at my boyfriend’s place. I am a teacher so am currently on Easter holidays.

He mentioned last night that he was going to come home today and clean after work. He then made a joke about me going merrily off on my day relaxing and him being at work (I know this was meant as a joke).

His place was a bit of a mess, so this morning I got up and spent 2 hours cleaning his place.

He says he appreciated it, but always seems to give me a bit of a back handed put down. This time it was about the washing machine setting. Text messages attached.

Am I the one being too sensitive? It’s great that he’s honest - but sometimes it hurts, especially as I have spent time to do that for him.

it just doesn’t make me want to do things like this for him again, which is a shame, as I’m a very giving person.

Feel like I can’t ever please him! Text messages attached
Feel like I can’t ever please him! Text messages attached
Feel like I can’t ever please him! Text messages attached
OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 04/04/2023 00:49

@Doodles29 you posted multiple times all your misgivings about the relationship
On that basis alone don’t move in together

PinkSyCo · 04/04/2023 00:52

What is it they say? ….No good deed goes unpunished? You should have played dumb and ignored his massive hint to get you doing his dirty work. Imagine what he’s going to expect of you when you move in with him if you’re skivvying after him now!

Mycathatesmecuddling · 04/04/2023 00:53

I' e just actually twigged who you are. You've been with him all of a year, he's already selfish in bed, he expects you to run his mum around, your mum to look after his dog, and gets irritated when you have an opinion he doesn't want to hear.

Why are you with him?

Derbee · 04/04/2023 01:10

I wouldn’t be moving in. He’s an arse. And you apologised so many times. Awful

ohfook · 04/04/2023 01:15

Just don't spend your free time cleaning the house of someone who still just likes you.

Surely you can see the path that'll lead you on and surely you'd rather be doing literally anything else other than cleaning someone else's house.

Lotzana · 04/04/2023 01:25

Why tidy after him? You're not his mother

Clymene · 04/04/2023 01:27

You have made multiple threads about his bloke, all expressing misgivings.

YOU DON'T WANT TO MOVE IN WITH HIM

It's patently obvious. Give yourself permission to say you made a mistake and that he's not the one. He's an arse.

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 01:31

Doodles29 · 03/04/2023 23:41

I did such a thing because I thought he was hinting at it. I’m also due to be moving in next week and the place was not tidy and his washing pile was a mountain.

I was doing it to help us both out. He has all of next week off to help me move in.

So he left the place like a tip knowing you were going to be staying this week? Incredibly rude. Also is Bella a child or a pet? Either way you are moving in with a guy who seems like an ungrateful slob, think very carefully on that. I wouldn’t do it.

FranksOcean · 04/04/2023 01:40

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 03/04/2023 23:51

OP I think there's a child's name in one of those texts in case you didn't know

I assumed it was a cat or dogs name

Crimsonripple · 04/04/2023 01:47

I'm sorry but your replies to him are pathetic! Why are you apologising?! He sounds like an entitled prick! Like ya is mega cringe! Red flags would be waving at the fact he's more of a 'live guy in person'.
Get some confidence woman!!

TheHoodedPaw · 04/04/2023 01:47

SirTarquin · 04/04/2023 00:07

The problem with this is not that he has raised a fair issue about 30 or 40 for the washing. It is this text

Few things I will pick on but hey

This is probably why you feel so shitty because it's the wording of it. A FEW things that he will PICK ON. I mean what is this - your school report?

It suggests an very unhealthy dynamic where he is marking your work as not up to his standard. It also completely undermines any thanks that have gone before

A normal kind hearted person faced with someone who'd done something nice for them but had a fair comment (please don't wash my stuff on 30 as it will shrink) would know that the way to deal with that is later and face to face -precisely so that you don't hurt or make your partner feel shitty by lobbing criticism right back at them.

I think he sounds like an arse hole and probably a controlling one. If it's making you feel bad, that's not good.

This. How does he take feedback from you? Out of interest.

Moser85 · 04/04/2023 02:01

Just read your other threads.

It's very hard to tell what's going on here.

We do know that he's selfish in bed, there was that weird thing with the spider (which becomes less weird if he has a phobia so I don't know) but all of the other things you complain about it's hard to tell what's going on, maybe he's subtlety chipping away at you in ways that it makes it unclear to outsiders, or it could be you. I don't see anything wrong in these text messages once you provided further context. I didn't see anything wrong in the previous text messages either.

You said in one of your posts that you threaten to leave every time you have an argument.

Either way it doesn't sound like you should be in this relationship, if it's him then all of the subtle things will get worse, and if it's you then you don't sound like you're in a healthy place to be in a relationship.

You've had multiple threads since December, you shouldn't constantly need to seek outside opinions on everything, or to need outsiders to interpret your text messages. How many threads will you have when you move in with him? You have to be able to trust your own judgement the majority of the time when you're in a relationship and making decisions about that relationship.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 04/04/2023 02:07

AndiOliversFan · 03/04/2023 23:21

I’d dump him for spelling little as “lil”.

I'd dump him for saying "you done".

Growlybear83 · 04/04/2023 02:09

He's thanked you for cleaning but I would be really irritated if someone took it upon themselves to tidy my house without my knowledge and would find it rude and Intrusive despite it being a kind gesture on your part. I would also be angry if someone washed my clothes on a 40 degree setting which could ruin some things.

Sparkleshine21 · 04/04/2023 02:11

Don’t move in!!

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 04/04/2023 02:21

I would not be thrilled with a slob and it sounds like he is one.

Kennykenkencat · 04/04/2023 02:21

“A few things I will pick up on”

Did you ask for feedback?

Was this for an exam you are going to do

Fuck that I wouldn’t lift a finger for him again.

Tophy124 · 04/04/2023 02:41

Did he ask you to clean? Because it’s weird if you just cleaned his place otherwise.

Hottoffeesauce · 04/04/2023 02:54

Actually, I think you are the unreasonable one, OP! You are moving in next week and yet this week you have done some laundry and 'tidied up' - neither of which you asked if you could do - you just did it without asking/checking first. I think the boyfriend is saying 'yeah, thanks but don't do it again' - and I don't blame him!

makewomenbetter · 04/04/2023 03:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

spotddog · 04/04/2023 03:02

I would be questioning why BF flat was like a tip when he knew OP was staying over. Very disrespectful to her.

I'd be careful of his attitude towards your time off. Because you are most likely to be home first, will you be expecting to clean, cook, iron etc?

emptythelitterbox · 04/04/2023 03:25

That's you warning not to move in with this critical arsehole.

When has he spent 2 plus hours cleaning your place? I bet never.

It is 2023 and you both work and it really isn't your job to be some arsehole's skivvy.

TrishM80 · 04/04/2023 03:37

You could have crossed out the kid's name from the text messages at least.

Hopingforbettertimesoon · 04/04/2023 03:39

Hi I read your posts with interest. At first I thought maybe you should not have tidied up as an invasion of his space. But then I read you are moving in and so actually I think yes you were okay to tidy it will be your home very soon. So then I started to wonder if there were red flags here for you.

I reread your posts one strange thing about the washing you said you were sure it was on 30 and you are apologising. Did the clothes shrink? I wash everything on 40 and it doesn’t shrink only on 60 do I get shrinks. I hope you are okay with me saying this but if all the clothes were okay then maybe you did do 30 and it got knocked onto 40. Or is he just criticising for the sake of it in a controlling way. How does he know for sure it was 40 if you know you checked it was 30? Unless the clothes are ruined?

I don’t know you or him op so I really don’t know but just something I thought was a bit off from him not you.

can you delay moving in a bit? Please be careful not to rush into getting serious if there are red flags.

Suzi888 · 04/04/2023 03:42

Don’t move in, take more time to think this through.

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