Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hope no one minds me taking the liberty and starting a new one

I'm about to delete the app but before I do I messaged the guy from work I was taking to on there to say so and he gave me his number

I'm not sure

He mentions his ex quite a bit but I think it might be an over eagerness to try and prove they have a good co parent relationship

Thank you for the new thread!

🖐 checking in

Can I join? Had Hinge for a couple of months now, a few conversations that fizzled out, a couple that progressed to phone calls then fizzled out... and a first date planned for Friday with a guy I'm quite optimistic about . I'm honestly quite nervous as I haven't done the whole first date thing in about a year.

@ktitten good luck and let us know how it goes !

Hello everyone
@ktitten … relax… it’s only date 1. Try to enjoy yourself first and foremost. Best of luck

Thanks @qqq82 for new thread. The guy you messaged was on app but also works in your same company… I remember. Make sure he’s not in a position lower than you or higher than you… this were ethical issues get involved
Its an innocent get together at this stage so I would not worry
However… mentioning the ex wife often is a red flag… tread carefully

He is higher than me but it's fine as long as you don't report to them where I work.
We're not even under the same directorate

Do you know when he divorced @qqq82 ? Kids? What is his situation?

Nope . I only know he has a kid same age as mine . I actually haven't spoken to him much so this is all stuff I don't know yet . Other than this iron which is very new I'm going to concentrate on my social life rather than dating apps in the hope something happens naturally but I don't hold up much hope for that . But then I won't feel the need as much for a relationship if I have an active social life.
It's so quiet where I live though so this is all easier said than done

@qqq82 …I think there really is nothing wrong with going for a chat and a drink. Then you can see how it feels. Having underage kids the same age is a massive yes. So you too have a bit more in common that is really important.
I agree with looking IRL and out of the usual apps. Taking a break is just right for you

Hello all. Joining this for the first time. Was happily single for years post split with father of DC until I started dating a colleague in November which has pretty much fizzled out due to no time on his side (he has 100% custody). Anyway being with him (and the amazing sex) has made me realise I do want a relationship and I’m not going to sit around seeing if we can hook back up again in the future so need to get my profile and photos sorted!

Which apps to use? Wonder how long until anyone to message? It’s quite exciting but equally daunting. Still sad about the ex colleague so not sure if I should wait a couple of weeks or throw myself into this as a distraction!

@Zanatdy
My friend always says 'to get over a man you need to get under another'
It's true
But it becomes a vicious cycle which I'm also in at the moment

I used Hinge

Seemed the less scary option

That’s exactly my thoughts. His loss. I don’t want to sit here fed up over it when I could be chatting on OLD. I’m going to set up my profile on the weekend, will start with Hinge! Exciting

Just been reading through the last thread and saw some posts about when two people seemed to be dating the same person and that some people think it was actually just one person and that they were a fantasist!

I'm actually one of those people and I can assure you that we were two different people, the whole thing was very upsetting at the time. It taught me an important lesson about not sharing too much. I took a long break from MN and will now mainly be reading and not posting, but yes, for those interested, it was real.

Humblemeep…I always believed it was 2 people. From minute one. I actually think posting some basic info was really really good as the 2 of you avoided a serial cheating man. I think everyone is dating from the same apps and it’s GREAT to catch a cheat before it can hurt you further. If I date again, I intend to put some basic info. Specially if I like the guy a lot.
Nothing was your fault or the other lady’s. For what is worth, posting a bit of info can save you a huge mistake.
You are always welcome and best wishes if you are dating 😘

@humblemeep glad you are back and please stick around x

My friend always says 'to get over a man you need to get under another'

ive had mixed success with that
used to be my foolproof strategy for decades

but sometimes it really doesn’t work

get over an emotionally unavailable man through meeting 673 men online who literally want solely to fuck ?
its fun , sometimes
but ……

humblemeep

thanks for posting and letting us know x
it must have been as bruising as fuck

as not only the real life pain
but then the horror online and the thread

dare I ask if you will ever venture OLD again 🙈😊

Thanks for the messages. I did go back on OLD and I'm seeing someone at the moment, but I'm very wary and not trusting. I'll be taking it very slowly.

Brava ! What he did was unusually devious and strange
I’ve rarely come across people who operate that way
slow and steady sounds sensible

I was lucky that it was still early days. It didn't break my heart, I was angry more than anything. I left MN because I couldn't keep going over the other person's messages and thinking about it, had to move on and get over my anger.

Thanks for the luck Honestly I am usually good at not getting emotionally invested but I had a couple of experiences last year that really knocked my confidence and scared me away from the dating apps.

First time really dating in my 30s as I got with my ex when I was 24 (though had lots of experience with the apps before getting lucky with him). Anyway met one guy and had what I thought was a great date, ghosted me "the morning after". My own fault for taking him home I thought so next one just coffee - ghosted me after the date. Both times the conversations where great, phone calls, lots of laughs etc. Attempt #3 a few dates in turned out to be one of those "I'm poly" people who think they can get away with anything just cause they're honest about it, but waited to be honest until AFTER we slept together.

So yeah now my confidence is pretty shot and I'm thinking about stuff to wear and (as stupid as it sounds) seriously considering only making half of an effort so if I'm rejected at sight again I can at least blame it on the lack of effort in my appearance and not on "me". Does that make any sense at all or am I completely bonkers .

@ktitten it really is off putting isn't it?
I did a lot of work on myself both physically and mentally after marriage ended
I was in better place than I ever had been before
Introduce a few men into the mix - self esteem absolutely shattered and now in the 'get under one to get over one cycle' as I mentioned before .
I wish I could have bottled how I felt before I started dating again.

I’m thrilled you are seeing someone and dating steadily. I totally get you taking it one step at a time. There is 0 hurry. Super best wishes