Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Take care of yourself and don’t date him if you are unsure he really really fancies you and is looking forward to taking a coffee with you. If you want more than a fuck buddy , make it clear in your head you want a partner
If you just want uncomplicated fun…a fuck buddy is just fine though

qqq82

don’t berate yourself
in simple terms he hurt you , and you told him

maybe it needed to come out
here is to healing ❤️‍🩹

Too be honest I'm very surprised it's taken this long
I've been very subdued and nice about the whole thing. Which is unusual for me
I think I've gotten more angry about it as time has gone on and it became clear he didn't even want to be friends with me anymore never mind anything else

@qqq82

Now take this from the queen of rejection. Leave the apps for a while. Doesn't have to be long just enough for you to realise your worth.

OLD is brutal, horrible and soul destroying at worst. But it's not you. It really is not you.

I now firmly believe that it is pure luck and timing. Honestly. Some people rest the app for whatever reason and then come back for whatever reason.

But the main thing I have learned over the past six months (and 14 first dates 😳) that with time and reflection you will see these people in a whole different light.

I was all about not settling but then got into meeting some vile men. I haven't shared details on here but they seriously have been gross. I lowered my bar instead of asking them to raise theirs.

I thought it was what I deserved.

It's not. You deserve better. But it's only with space that you'll see that.

Also, you left a long marriage, mine was 26 years, and I found when I started dating that I'd forgotten that at the beginning it's very different. You don't have that responsibility towards each other, you're not married, you don't owe anyone anything. Apparently this extends to manners too 🙄 but seriously. You will have had a coffee with them (me) then not hear from them. They're rude but totally entitled to behave like that at the same time. These are random people who we don't really know.

I feel very naive when I look back at how I felt at the beginning.

I'm now talking to a man but I don't want to give away anything else. I like him but it was pure luck and timing we matched. I'd be gutted if it doesn't go anywhere but at the same time I could bump into the love of my life later today and not look back.

OLD is horrible. Really, really awful. But when it's good it's brilliant.

I hope this has helped as I'm an old hand at being rejected in spectacular ways ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you @Definitelycross
But the one who hurt me the most recently wasn't from old . I've known him years and he knew everything id been through with exh so it feels so much worse he did that to me

he didn't even want to be friends with me anymore never mind anything else

probably because when he sees you he knows he was a shit . It makes him feel uncomfortable as on a base level he knows he was a cxxxt Tom you , and he doesn’t like that about himself

@Thisisworsethananticpated well I've told him he's a c* now 😂

I agree with Deffy… it’s TIME/LUCK issue to meet the right date. Have you met him already IRL Deffy??

Yes 🤫

Yes, a 19 year old boy who is on a gap year but going away to University in September and a 15 year old girl (who is a grumpy mare atm). I’d rather not go anywhere with the youngest right now as she has attitude coming out of her ears!
I am looking at taking them both to Italy in August.

Actually, I quite fancy moving south to Surrey so actually (deliberately) watches what happened on the apps when I was down there last week! Obviously, I’d wait until the youngest was at university (so, 3 years time) and when I finish my MSc (around the same time or just before) but it is an option! I have no family here now apart from the kids and I think both will
flee the nest post-uni.

@humblemeep glad to see you back. you were treated shockingly, people asking for proof etc, whilst happy to believe the idiot screwing around with 2 woman was innocent. good luck with the new guy!

@TeaandLemonDrizzle not lots happening in surrey on the apps at least when I was on. Needed to widen my search to london often

Thanks 😊

@Definitelycross

But the main thing I have learned over the past six months (and 14first dates 😳) that with time and reflection you will see these people in a whole different light.

This really stood out for me, when I started dating, I would excuse all sorts of crap, low value behaviour, low value dates( a walk- I mean what the heck is that?????), men who disparaged their exes, very poor communication. I actually cringe at some of the stuff I tolerated.

@qqq82 I hope I've got right poster, but it does sound like you need a break.

I was in and out of London and Surrey last week so not sure where all the likes came from but I definitely got a lot more than what I do in the north.

Oh god, one day, when I'm older and stronger I'll tell you what happened on two of my 'dates' - the lack of self respect that those 'men' took advantage of is staggering.

I don't know what happened but I had an epiphany and thank goodness know some boundaries that I'm enforcing more strictly now.

Deffy!!!…you minx!!! How many times have you met MrIncognito????

🤫🤐

😂😂😂😂 Deffy is well happy!

Fabby this is the thing, we just do not know “our value” or don’t understand what we are looking for. Either way, we have to be prepared to kiss some frogs and when we look at some of these guys we dated WE CRINGE big time.
I think we just have to shrug and forget the imbeciles.

Tealemon …teenage girls FOR THE LOVE OF GOD…mine is also on that stage…sometimes you think “how can she be such a cow today” . I totally get it. II sometimes think I would go mad if I could not take my free kid time off days. Unlike you, I love having a bit of lonely time but I totally get you need adult time and going for dinner or to the movies and have intimacy time.
I think you can see it takes time and we all need to step aside when we can’t handle OLD

This is totally my life which is why I'm 🤫

😂😂😂🙄 woman of little faith

Definitelycross

sending quietly positive vibes

im home from custody travel
im definitely on the bench for the foreseeable
I’ve rather messed around mr solvent and I think I’ve behaved with him how others have felt on this thread
that said he was blatantly after sex so 🤷‍♀️

that brief reunion with Balkan and my subsequent meltdown was triggering AF

that man is a disaster for my mental health !
but I let him and I really need to look into that
that’s on me !

confused.com

@PinkIdentity
I love alone time too but I didn’t expect to be so alone in the end (losing close family members, having a grumpy teen daughter who lives in her room etc.). It’s also at a time when I could’ve done with the support, especially after the death of my sibling (he took his own life) at the back end of last year. I also have the financial implications of a divorce that is continuing to go on and , of course, meaning that I have a lot less disposable income to do anything with the children. I also paid for my brother’s funeral and I’m still in the family home. Not getting child support either. He has refused to pay it!

I need my mum but she isn’t here. RIP 7 years ago.

TeaandLemonDrizzle

im so sorry for your losses xxx
the recent loss of your sibling especially sounds harrowing, death from mental health is always always very tough

sounds like you need some joy and some healing in 2023